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paranoia vs listening to the universe
Ok, here's something i've been thinking about. I basically had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago. It was, in part, due to the fact that I was trying to figure out all that there was to figure out about the universe. Testing all of my theories logically. I kept getting signs that I should stop. I mean blatantly obvious, as if the whole world knew that I was about to figure some of that shit out and they wanted to stop me. This started to freak me out, and probably is a big part of the whole thing.
So let me ask it like this. When I think that i'm about to figure something out, and something shows me that I shouldn't pursue it, should I take it as a sign from the universe not to pursue it? Instead of getting all paranoid and thinking everyone's testing me to try to stop me.
If this doesn't make sense, just ignore it. I just hope that at least someone knows what I mean lol.
So let me ask it like this. When I think that i'm about to figure something out, and something shows me that I shouldn't pursue it, should I take it as a sign from the universe not to pursue it? Instead of getting all paranoid and thinking everyone's testing me to try to stop me.
If this doesn't make sense, just ignore it. I just hope that at least someone knows what I mean lol.
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R. D. Laing
http://www.mindfire.ca/Transcendental%20Experience%20in%20Relation%20to%20Religion%20&%20Psychoses.htm
Very interesting indeed. I can vaguely remember "transcendental" experiences taking place during my breakdown, as though I had entered a new world where I was absolutely one with my thoughts. Good to see someone else view this not in terms of being crazy. It's something that I can't really talk to people about, cuz anytime I say anything other than "there just is what there is, there is nothing more(unless of course I believe in say the christian god, which is acceptable), and my mind plays no part in my reality" people think that i'm delusional. I still haven't figured everything out by any means, but I KNOW my mind is connected with my reality and I know that you can live life to the fullest by living in harmony with the universe, which for some reason most people don't seem to know how to do. Hell, I didn't know how to do it until a few weeks ago.
Then i become to attached to that experience, falling in same bag.
Conclusion: dont know, maybe sometimes the edge is necessary to understand "ok, thats not the path"...and go in a opposite way. I think the answer to the question its quite simple and brief, but we need to go around like 10000000 times to get it...and it should be coherent with the cause of suffering= craving and clinging
As far as that sensation I think I can relate. I've been in this high-like state for like 5 days now. It's intensified a lot when I do sitting meditation. But that's how i've been viewing life recently, a testing ground on the journey to enlightenment.
I've had times where everything my mind/body could throw at me was hurled very hard, in attempts to stop me meditating. These periods, I've learnt, aren't necessarily the universe trying to stop me or test me, as such, but more a) an unconscious fear of progressing (i.e.; coming closer to realising no-self experiences, etc) trying to sabotage my practice, and b) a sign that I was pushing to hard, uncovering too much of the messy self that I am. So, eventually, I stopped pushing so hard, had a break, then gently got back into it.
Any state of mind, transcendental or not, is impermanent and conditioned. I have trouble remaining aloof from attachment to such states, but it's pretty damn hard.
I guess that has been my problem. When I come to the realization of ego death, and think of the implications, I am so overcome with joy and ecstacy that I forget that i'm still in the "real world." And that's what it comes down to, when you have these sorts of experiences, right? Staying sane in this world. But why? Perhaps so I/we can help others in their journey. And perhaps i'm truly not ready to ascend to a higher plane until i've done some more stuff in this world. Or perhaps the goal is to make this reality as pleasent of one as possible while i'm here, then when I "die" ascend accordingly.
Those phases can permanently damage your brain. They can also result in some poor decisions in your life. Severe depression. Dysphoric psychosis. Which can shake your confidence for the rest of your life.
Remember the turtle and the hair. Oh and I mention this because some temptation to go off medicine to 'figure it out'..
Oh believe me i've felt the temptation to go off the meds. And I really don't think it's a coincidence that you mentioned it. I'm finding that there are no coincidences. Or perhaps there are coincidences, but a lot of things that people chalk up to chance/coincidence are actually signs.(from whatever source you choose to believe gives these signs)There's a big part of me that wishes I wasn't on meds, but I understand that it would be unwise to go off of them. When i'm not on them I "realize" the meaninglessness of it all, but this, as you say, leads to very poor decisions being made in this reality. For one reason or another i'm here for now, so I need to make the best of the existence i've been given.
There's still a part of me that questions whether i'm truly bipolar, but all the signs are pointing towards the importance of me taking my meds, and i've gotten to a point where i'm quite sure that trusting the world around you is important.
One thing I learned about 'signs' was to also remember signlessness. That means that 'signs' should not be attached to. All thought is signs. Thinking mind. But the awareness that sees the thoughts is much deeper and is signless.
For instance you learned what the word 'in' means as a child. By opening to the world. With awareness.
'in' means something different in every situation. And the mind recognizes. Part of us is living in the world in touch with it and feeling it. Feeling the weight of the raisin in our hand. Smelling the raisin and feeling the texture as it rolls 'in' our mouth. Thats 'in' one example of 'in'.
Another feature is thinking mind. All the dialogue that is mentally going on. In mental illness you can get too caught up in that thinking mind and attached to a certain idea. Certain signs. Certain idea of 'in'. The problem is that makes the reality not flow correctly. It can't let go and let go of the idea. For a new realization/situation. Also getting caught too much in the head. But my teacher told me that a big part of my mental illness was attachment to ideas and states of mind also.
I wish you well
How would you prove them to be true...
Unless you are referring to dependent origination or how things arise of causation etc
I don't think we "ascend" anywhere, as such, and I don't think coming closer to escaping the cycle of samsara is a point-buy system, as such. I'm still very much a complete n00b at Buddhism... but I do believe that you can't really reach any higher awareness or "enlightment states" without also practicing the ethics and other principle practices in Buddhism - not just meditation.
So - don't drag yourself down, but don't let your ego float you up too much either
Of course Gelugs have their monks study from about age seven to about age thirty-three for their Geshe Lharampa degrees, and certainly not everybody would agree that that's a useful thing. But according to them, it does help progress toward enlightenment.
Wow ... if you did have the power to influence the universe in the way it is shown to me that we can influence our own experience of the universe what would we do? ... keep on keeping on is the only conclusion me and mine come to ... warmest wishes
Pema Chodron, smart lady, teaches that the point of practice is not to ascend into higher planes and leave the world. But rather to descend into "hell", to embrace hell, understand hell and become OK with resting in the middle of it. Then, to help others get out of it.
One can not ascend into higher planes if one is still bound by the ropes of hell, it's impossible. The only way to do so is to go down there and uproot their foundation and when the foundations are uprooted, the fires stop burning and hell itself becomes the higher plane, therefore there is no need to "ascend" to anywhere because that is not the point.
Not sure what " Those phases can permanently damage your brain " means .. having worked in the mental health area for many years and seen many people descend into and out of psychotic breaks with reality, on an online Buddhist discussion forum my response is that medication has been shown to me to be useful and to help with being able to focus enough to begin to work it out ... it does not have to be all or nothing
Well, in my mind, if the universe functions cohesively and my mind is simply tapped into(to some degree) the universal consciousness, then that very much allows me to be happier and not suffer as much. Cuz what are problems? Nothing other than blips within the consciousness.
There's the root of your problem right there
And not to be flippant, but what exactly is a "mental breakdown" anyway? Did you have a psychotic episode? Did you lose touch with reality? I've never understood this term (and it's *very* widely used). I'm sure I've probably had one or more, but perhaps I just didn't recognize them for what they were.
Just curious...
For me, I lost touch with reality(what is reality, anyways?)and blacked out and for some reason when I came back I was throwing stuff in my room trying to destroy everything. idk.
The point is that you don't want to go off your meds without knowing the risks. Both for damage to the brain and loss of confidence.
Interesting. You just hear that sort of phrase thrown around so much, I was wondering what it meant in your case. That sounds pretty serious. Do you take any sort of psychotropic medications (antidepressants, etc)? That sounds like it could be a medication reaction to me.
Mtns (RN)
I take medication now. I took it a while back and then stopped taking it for quite a while, then that happened, and now i'm back on it. May as well stay on it. My outlook has improved pretty dramatically since i started taking it(although I think that's more due to buddhism/meditation, but i'm sure the medicine is helping)