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What is kindness?

painpain
edited October 2010 in Buddhism Basics
I'm trying to practice kindness in everyday life. Before I try to practice it, I feel like I must understand what kindness is.

How would Buddhists define kindness?

Comments

  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Think of kindness more as an attitude rather than as a particular event. Cultivate the attitude of kindness and then the activities of body, speech and mind which you engage in throughout the day will be coming from a wholesome attitude.

    Expressions of kindness can come in many different flavours. It could be something as simple as holding a door open for someone, or giving some money to a charity, or practicing formal Metta meditation. These are all expressions of kindness. But in order to do any of these things, there must be the Right Intention to begin with.

    What is the quality of mind like when you have an intention to bring happiness to yourself and to others? This is like the signpost of what kindness is. Kindness is not a concept, it is an experience.
  • KundoKundo Sydney, Australia Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Guy, very well put. I thoroughly agree. Even though I fall short on this practise more times than I'd like to admit :crazy:

    In metta,
    Raven
  • thickpaperthickpaper Veteran
    edited October 2010
    I think guy has good advise on the cultivation aspects.

    One thing I might add is to see kindness and its contrary within the emergence of the dharmic principles that stem from right view and ignorance.

    So, for example, selfishness has its place in the understanding: there are reasons why it is caused and there are reasons why it causes more negative karma and more abstract defilemenst (jealosy etc)

    namaste
  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Pain, listen to Gil Fronsdal's series on loving kindness. Someone recommended it to me and I think it's pretty much spot on.

    Kindness is fairly simple... and the simpler, the better.
    The EEG findings reinforced the previous data in that …ser's brain shift during compassion reflected extreme wellbeing, reinforcing scientifically a general acknowledgement that volunteer work or assisting friends in need, benefits not only the receiver but also the person giving it. The very act of concern for others' wellbeing, it seems, creates a greater state of wellbeing within oneself. Likewise, it seems, that the person doing a meditation on compassion for others is also the immediate beneficiary (see section 'Meditation and the Immune System). It is surprising therefore, that compassion is an emotional state which is, for the most part, ignored by modern psychologists - we may be well served to focus less on what can go wrong and highlight physiological states when things go right. Psychology's negative spin may reflect the lead of medicine, which has traditionally focused on disease rather than on health.
    If the main motivation for the practice of compassion is self-interest - then this is an important evolutionary insight. Another insight comes from the realization that individuals who use humor to cope with stress have a more resilient immune system and age more gracefully. Moreover, psycho-immunologists have confirmed what we all know instinctively, that the immune system is boosted by helping others and, ingeniously, just hearing about other people's good work appears to boost our immunity. The scientific evidence again confirms the point that not only are we physiologically constructed to need others, we are also constructed to want to be needed (Pollard, 2003b). That is, during critical periods in our evolution, Homo sapiens' social drive for personal survival became interdependent with our collective survival. Put in anthropomorphic terms 'our immune system knows that helping others ultimately helps our own wellbeing' - the result 'I feel less fear, more happiness' (Pollard, 2002b). This biological insight also seems to be the common substance of all religious faiths, whether Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or any other. In all cases, religious faith is preoccupied with rendering service to the Deity and fellow human beings. And in the final analysis, we do know that people who score high on measures of positive emotions also report engaging in more altruistic actions.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Think about other people. Surely you've met someone to whom the description "kind" applies? Usually you hear people remark on that quite often. "She's such a kind person." Think about the way that person interacts with others, what they do for others (or don't do). Then think about all the people you meet - sadly, the vast majority - who don't act or think that way. Just try to emulate the first kind :)
  • rachMielrachMiel
    edited October 2010
    Not a direct response to your question, pain (ouch!), but I thought it might be useful:

    At the retreat I went to this summer, Ani Trime, an 82-year-old American-Tibetan Buddhist nun, gave a talk in which she said that after 40+ years of formal Buddhist practice, studies, ordination, etc., she felt that it all boiled down to: kindness.
  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    edited October 2010
    rachMiel, pretty much what DL said as well.
  • rachMielrachMiel
    edited October 2010
    fascinating. i must confess to being somewhat bewildered by this. i would have thought a highly realized long-time buddhist practitioner would have said it all boiled down to: simplicity, or emptiness, or awareness, or equanimity ... rather than kindness. perhaps someone could help me understand?
  • painpain
    edited October 2010
    rachMiel wrote: »
    fascinating. i must confess to being somewhat bewildered by this. i would have thought a highly realized long-time buddhist practitioner would have said it all boiled down to: simplicity, or emptiness, or awareness, or "what is" ... rather than kindness. perhaps someone could help me understand?

    I'm going to quote....

    Buddha was reputedly asked by his personal attendant, Ananda, "Would it be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is a part of our practice?" To which the Buddha replied, "No. It would not be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is part of our practice. It would be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is all of our practice."
  • DazzleDazzle
    edited October 2010
    pain wrote: »
    I'm going to quote....

    Buddha was reputedly asked by his personal attendant, Ananda, "Would it be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is a part of our practice?" To which the Buddha replied, "No. It would not be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is part of our practice. It would be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is all of our practice."


    Could you give the source of the quote, please, pain ?

    Thanks,

    Dazzle



    .
  • painpain
    edited October 2010
    Dazzle wrote: »
    Could you give the source of the quote, please, pain ?

    Thanks,

    Dazzle



    .

    i first saw it on wiki.. but i've seen it in couple other places as well.
  • JennisJennis
    edited October 2010
    Kindness, to me, is unselfish giving. Is this not so?

    To water the flowers, to feed the birds in winter, a few coins in a charity box, some time for a needy friend, to understand people, even when they are being difficult...things that people may not ever know that you do/think but you do them all the same. Not for thanks, or admiration, just because it feels right and good.

    I have experienced truly kind people. I say "truly kind" for when it feels pure and untainted by ego and self gratification. They are rare these people and appear truly at peace with themselves and the world.
  • rachMielrachMiel
    edited October 2010
    pain wrote: »
    Buddha was reputedly asked by his personal attendant, Ananda, "Would it be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is a part of our practice?" To which the Buddha replied, "No. It would not be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is part of our practice. It would be true to say that the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion is all of our practice."
    again: i don't get it. i've grappled with this issue for a while now. (mostly in the realm of thought/theory rather than heart/experience, so take it with a big grain of salt.)

    as i see it ... Truth (reality, the ground, "what is," etc.) is not full of love or kindness or hate or meanness or any emotion at all. it / simply / IS. therefore to realize Truth, to live in Truth, is to / simply / BE. in that simple being is profound equanimity, a kind of beatific neutrality, not love ... at least not as the term "love" is generally defined. one can certainly cultivate love/compassion ... but these are values and as such are not intrinsic to Truth, which is beyond all values.

    btw, i'm not claiming that what i've written above is right in any objective sense; it's how i happen to see things on 10/03/2010 2:52 eastern standard time. :-)
  • thickpaperthickpaper Veteran
    edited October 2010
    rachMiel wrote: »
    as i see it ... Truth (reality, the ground, "what is," etc.) is not full of love or kindness or hate or meanness or any emotion at all. it / simply / IS. therefore to realize Truth, to live in Truth, is to / simply / BE. in that simple being is profound equanimity, a kind of beatific neutrality, not love ... at least not as the term "love" is generally defined.

    OK, are you seeking some kind of "proof" of why we should be kind? A proof that has as premise an empty and cold reality?

    interesting discussion you raise here:)
  • rachMielrachMiel
    edited October 2010
    thickpaper wrote: »
    OK, are you seeking some kind of "proof" of why we should be kind? A proof that has as premise an empty and cold reality
    no proof seeking. i'm stating my take on the role of kindness in buddhism -- and, perhaps separately, in the realm of ultimate Truth -- and inviting others to explore it with me, if they're interested. really quite innocent of motive. :-)
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited October 2010
    In my own practice kindness flows from a sense of completeness and being unselfconscious. Kindness doesn't know it's being kind, it doesn't have hook.. When I'm unkind or acting poorly there is usually a painful self consciousness, which is a state of of confusion and insecurity.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited October 2010
    I think kindness is sort of like pornography. I might not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it :)
  • painpain
    edited October 2010
    Mountains wrote: »
    I think kindness is sort of like pornography. I might not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it :)

    lol.... im gonna remember this one
  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited October 2010
    The Buddha taught that the Noble Eightfold Path is the practice. Let's look at the claim that "kindness is all of our practice" and see if it fits:

    Kindness comes from Right View. We see that we are suffering and other beings are suffering, which makes us empathetic towards other beings. We develop an understanding of the consequences of our actions.

    Kindness is specifically mentioned as one of the three Right Intentions (the second factor of the Noble Eightfold Path).

    Right Speech, Right Action and Right Livelihood are about living in a harm free way and taking other beings into consideration before we speak or act. This is a natural consequence of living with Right Intention.

    Right Effort is to arouse and maintain wholesome qualities and to guard against and abandon unwholesome qualities. Kindness is obviously a wholesome quality and if we cultivate kindness then we are guarding against it's opposite, ill-will, which is a hindrance to Right Mindfulness and Right Stillness. Also, one of the eleven benefits of cultivating Metta is that the practitioner enters Samadhi quickly.

    Makes sense to me.
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    edited October 2010
    rachMiel wrote: »
    again: i don't get it. i've grappled with this issue for a while now. (mostly in the realm of thought/theory rather than heart/experience, so take it with a big grain of salt.)

    as i see it ... Truth (reality, the ground, "what is," etc.) is not full of love or kindness or hate or meanness or any emotion at all. it / simply / IS. therefore to realize Truth, to live in Truth, is to / simply / BE. in that simple being is profound equanimity, a kind of beatific neutrality, not love ... at least not as the term "love" is generally defined. one can certainly cultivate love/compassion ... but these are values and as such are not intrinsic to Truth, which is beyond all values.

    They may or may not be intrinsic to truth itself, I don't know. However, they are intrinsic to one who lives in truth because when one who lives in truth sees the world and it's state of suffering, kindness, love and compassion arise naturally by themselves without effort. To deliberitly cultivate kindness brings one closer to truth because it is the antidote to the poison of hatred, anger and ill will. One could say that kindness, love and compassion is the wordy manifestation of truth. Therefore, when one finds truth and lives in truth, the way the truth naturally presents itself to the world is via kindness, love and compassion.
  • painpain
    edited October 2010
    I also vaguely remember Alan Watts talking about deeply exploring the boundless realm of philosophy and psychology... but at the end the answer comes down to compassion and kindness.

    The first few years of my spiritual journey, I found myself obsessing with all the deep philosophical concerns and seeking the "truth." It probably made me think a lot but I don't think I was any different in terms of my actions and happiness. Only when I started focusing on cultivating compassion and kindness, I was happier and felt closer to the "truth."
  • painpain
    edited October 2010
    I also want to share this...

    http://www.dalailama.com/messages/compassion
  • rachMielrachMiel
    edited October 2010
    seeker242 wrote: »
    ... when one who lives in truth sees the world and it's state of suffering, kindness, love and compassion arise naturally by themselves without effort.
    Not having fully realized Truth I wouldn't be able to agree or disagree with this. Guess I'll have to wait and see if it works this way for me! :-)
  • DazzleDazzle
    edited October 2010
    GuyC wrote: »
    The Buddha taught that the Noble Eightfold Path is the practice. Let's look at the claim that "kindness is all of our practice" and see if it fits:......


    Kindness to other beings is an important part of our practice. However just practicing kindness alone won't help us overcome all our delusions and release us from ''suffering''. The Buddha practised more than that himself to become enlightened. Buddha said :

    SN 45.165 - Dukkhata Sutta: Suffering


    "Monks, there are these three kinds of suffering.

    What three?

    Suffering caused by pain (mental and physical)

    suffering caused by the formations (or conditioned existence)

    suffering due to change.

    It is for the full comprehension, clear understanding, ending and abandonment of these three forms of suffering that the Noble Eightfold Path is to be cultivated..."

    http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn45/sn45.165.wlsh.html


    with kind wishes,

    Dazzle
  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited October 2010
    You are absolutely right Dazzle.

    I was just trying to see how the statement "kindness is all of our practice" fits (if at all) with my current understanding that the Noble Eightfold Path is "all of our practice". Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that "kindness underlies all of our practice" or "kindness supports all our practice". Without kindness then we are not practicing the whole of the Noble Eightfold Path. But to say that it IS all our practice, if taken literally, is perhaps a bit misleading.

    It is similar to saying "Kalyana Mitta is the whole of the holy life"...what does it really mean? You just hang out with Arahants, you don't have to practice the Noble Eightfold Path? No...it means it is integral that we have support of other practitioners, ideally those who have realized various stages of Awakening. In the same way, it is integral that we cultivate kindness. This is just my take on it, of course.
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