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Its the quiet ones you have to look out for
I often hear people talking about how quiet someone is, usually with the implication that this quality is a great virtue. Everyone seems to admire the person who has nothing to say. The monk keeps silence, the sage guards his words, scholars reserve their opinions, and politicians refrain from comment. All preserve dignity thereby, and even the most common among us can earn some measure of deference by keeping our mouths shut.
"Oh," people say, "she's so quiet -- he's so calm --" and "he never speaks except when he's really got something to say." Everyone praises the silent ones for their reserve. Rarely does anyone consider that these people might have nothing to say, that their serene inscrutability might not conceal deep thinking, but rather mere emptiness. Common logic recoils from such a thought, holding to the notion that silence is a seal of superiority. And yet I must insist, how are we to measure the quality of a person's ideas who will not reveal them for our examination? This habit of heaping praise upon the head of every reticent fellow is surely absurd: the quality of their wit can at best be considered an undetermined quantity. While the closed mouth of an acquaintance may conceal the mind of an Einstein, it may also be the honest expression of a total lack of intelligence.
The other half of this specious argument is the notion that talkative people are vain purveyors of dubious information. People who talk a lot, the reasoning goes, do so merely because they love the sound of their own voice; they are likely to say anything, and thus their words are without weight. Nothing could be further from the truth. The value of a statement lies not in who says it but in its congruency to actual fact. Whether Caesar or his parrot says "the sky is blue," does not affect the value of the statement, which is true regardless of who says it.
If we are going to examine statements for their truthfulness, we will immediately discover that it is much easier to examine statements that have been made and heard, as opposed to those which have never been voiced. The reason is that while the first object is available for study, the second simply is not. Likewise, it is much easier to judge the thoughts of talkers than those of their silent counterparts, who refrain from conversation.
While I do appreciate the fact that good listeners are rare, and that the practice should be encouraged, this advice is often disseminated by gabby people who relish the lack of competition. They are more than willing to feed the silent ones the sop of common praise in exchange for keeping the floor to themselves. Authority figures also speak out loudly in honor of silence, realizing, of course, that dissent must be voiced to be effective, and that those who don't speak out must consent to be spoken for. Just as no news is said to be good news, a lack of protest may be construed as actual agreement -- a moment of silence as an implied consent.
Ultimately the notion that silence is preferable to talk may be dismissed as mere superstition. A moment of silence could be full of more lies and misinformation than a single sentence could possibly contain. And worst of all, we would never know it.
(I re-pasted this from another site and just wanted to hear some opinions on it. I just thought it was cynical. I've actually found its the contrary. People tend to mistrust quiet people.)
(I re-pasted this from another site and just wanted to hear some opinions on it. I just thought it was cynical. I've actually found its the contrary. People tend to mistrust quiet people.)
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Comments
Having said this, I actually find that I can express myself better if I just talk out loud. If I think too much, my brain starts to come up with all these alternatives and variables that could be said, thinking about reactions to what I'm saying and if I should censor myself, etc.
Of course among close friends I'm quite the chatterbox.
It's a matter of appraising what they say, when they DO finally say something, that is a measure of their sagacity. Or otherwise.
but many of our pithy sayings reflect the fact that it's often better to keep your words to yourself...
"A closed Mouth gathers no foot".
"A fool is known by a multitude of words."
"Actions speak louder than words."
"There was an owl lived in an oak,
the more he saw, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke the more he heard -
We should all be that wise old bird"
"Silence is Golden"
"Empty pitchers make most noise"
Even the Emperor's swiftest Army cannot retrieve the foolish word, once spoken".
Even the Buddha, we are told, was 'silent' on some matters.
Mere emptiness.....if it were only that simple.....
Harold and Maude you tube of Cat Stevens - Don't be shy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRlUszFnCkA&feature=related
Cat Steven's If you want to sing out sing out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if504e1EHJg&feature=related
How's that for broad-minded?
Palzang
Way to be really prejudiced and judgmental about people. No, they're not thinking deeply, they're an idiot.
How about shy, moody, sad, in pain, nervous or maybe a mixture or reasons.
As for the rest of the 'it's bad to be silent' rant, well duh! It really depends on how much it matters, whether someone realizes it or not.
Also if good listeners are rare who the hell cares anyway. If someone speaks we're suddenly all perfectly adept at judging each others spoken words. Well that's a bit of a mixed bag isn't it. And, 'it's much easier to judge someone who speaks than someone who does not' to loosely paraphrase the author/OP/
Ok, thanks einstein, have a cookie. Hope that wasn't too sarcy :tonguec:
Assume the worst as a protective measure.
I'm prejudiced against quiet people who have a crazy look in their eye.
I've always been a quiet person myself and I've become even more quiet. I've spouted out many things that I wish I could have taken back. And the more I learn the more I realize I don't know much and sometimes I just don't have anything good to contribute to the topic at hand. I used to just spit out my uniformed opinions and I just ended up sounding stupid. That still happens from time to time. :P
For me, being quiet brings me one step closer to a peaceful mind. I enjoy being quiet.
And to beat the crap out of them too. Happened in my classroom some years ago.
Being quiet is a double-edged sword: either you are a mysterious human being who has to offer something of great value if it opens it's mouth ( like the monks and scholars you set as an example), or you are a really introverted person who can't open it's mouth to say even a tiny word ( like my colleague who got beaten). But, there's always the middle path, and that means that there are persons who are quiet most of the time because they have nothing to say at that moment (Middle-path, I choose you!).
Working in mental health I have found that being able to discern that crazy look is useful .... remember one guy whom I worked with for about six months many years ago now, and ex policeofficer who developed schizophrenia after being attacked whilst at work which resulted in him developing post traumatic stress disorder, he used marijuana heavily as an attempt to escape from his symptoms and he became psychotic and never recovered. He was usually always up for a chat and would be around people, actually annoying others at times due to his inability to be alone and understand social cues - he loved to talk about God, the meaning of life etc. even at breakfast !! When he would develop this crazy look in his eye, happened ever so often it was the only indicator that he was about to become angry, which was often explosive and unprovoked - very scary man .... often wonder what happened to him, he was only 25 in 1990, so now would be 45.
I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does
I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does
There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die
When you say it's gonna happen "now"
well, when exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone
You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does
Now that gets yah thinking...
On several occasions they will say something, and then say the same thing later on but the content will be different, or they can talk about a topic for half an hour and the next day not even remember the conversation. I can only think that they are insecure about silence, or must always be the centre of attention, because what they say certainly isn't worth the energy they put into it.
I talk when the subject is of interest to me, but small talk just bores me.
'Bout time!
Palzang
nor do I agree with it. I should have put it in quotes and explained all that at the beginning, as opposed to at the end in parenthesis.
...that pissed someone off so much to physically beat them?
Gah! Yah cheeky wippa snappa!
Well said, you are indeed profound!
I didn't beat them up, but others did, because they knew the quiet people wouldn't even open their mouth to say something to defend themselves.