Sitting with my feelings is this enough?

slowmichael

I am used to meditate following the breath and i meditate mostly in the evening.

Last weeks i meditated first thing in the morning.

When i wake up often i am in a fearful mood, without any reason. I am not depressed or so and by the time that i had my breakfast the mood is almost gone and when i start working it is completely away.

So i try to meditate in the morning and feel this fearful feeling, i feel it in my hart, in my muscles, my abdomen. It is quit powerful.

I feel that following my breath tends to lead me away from these feelings. I actually find it much easier to meditate staying with what
the fear is doing with my body but of course much more uncomfortable. Staying with fear is not comfortable.

I do not have a great teacher at my disposal.......... .

So can i ad something to this meditation? Should i stay with my breath? Well share your thoughts and experiences.

Thanks.


Michel

username_5

Sounds like anxiety. Meditation is helpful for it, of course. The anxiety is caused by something though. Often it's negative self talk. When you say you wake up with fear 'with no reason' what that really means is that you haven't yet recognized the reason. Self talk is like that. We often aren't aware of what we are saying to ourselves. The thing is, we believe ourselves anyway.:D we end up feeling a certain way for no apparent reason.

Does any of this fit?

slowmichael

username_5

Yes of course it is anxiety, probably a better word to use then fear. My english is not that good.

Is there a reason? There are always reasons to feel anxious. Well what i mean is if you think hard enough and blow things up there are always reasons.

I must admit that i can sometimes blow up stuff, but certainly not all of the time.

But i do know that i have this kind of background anxiety since i was a child. A am 51 years old now. So i am almost shure that there were periods that i had no reason to feel this way.

But of course you can be wright there can be a strong but not so visible reason for this anxiety. Something like can i handle lifes challenges? It could be something like that.

username_5

slowmichael wrote: »

username_5
I must admit that i can sometimes blow up stuff, but certainly not all of the time.

But i do know that i have this kind of background anxiety since i was a child. A am 51 years old now. So i am almost shure that there were periods that i had no reason to feel this way.

There was a reason/cause. One possibility may be a medical issue that is perhaps treatable with medication. No reason to rule that out and a visit with a friendly psychiatrist may be worthwhile. There is no more reason to put off dealing with an illness of the brain than there is an illness of any other body part.

But of course you can be wright there can be a strong but not so visible reason for this anxiety. Something like can i handle lifes challenges? It could be something like that.

Yes, that is a very distinct possibility. Anxiety comes from somewhere though. It's our own mind. So, how would our mind experience the state of anxiety unless we are telling ourselves something that brings about this state? Is there someone else there each morning telling you something that result in the experience of feeling anxiety?

I used to wake up with anxiety too. Even went to the hospital once thinking I was having a heart attack. For me it was related to my profession. I was given an assignment and for whatever reason I talked to myself and told myself I wasn't skilled enough to do this assignment. I told myself I was going to fail and everyone who respected my skills would find out I am not as skilled as they thought I was. It wasn't until well after the
visit to the hospital that I became aware of what I was saying to myself.

And it was still years more until I recognized that believing I would fail and others would see this failure caused me grief due to a powerful aversion to disapproval from others.

Every effect has a cause.

Jeffrey

Another name for self talk is thinking.


Thinking spins a whole world and it is not just words. Around the words are feelings that can capture the whole body.

In my experience directly approaching the thinking and looking for the cause is like you are caught stuck to a wall of tar and you keep punching it. The more you punch the worse the battle gets. The more caught you get. Anger. Greed. And seeing things that are not real. Ignorance.

So what I do is to just come to the present moment. Relate to the body feeling. See it. Relate to the thoughts. Let them be. But don't get stuck to them, don't react. Relate to constructs? or dharmas as dharmas. Ok so I have this fear so what. This is going on so what. Just let it be.

Notice the desire to have things settled once and for all. Notice the fear that in the future you will have nothing but misery.

Thoughts and feelings.

Notice the awareness that sees this the sensitivity.

And just stay with this.

Its a bit like riding a bike. I think a teacher could help you see. How you already have a sense of balance. Its partly a confidence game. You fell down and bumped your head and now you are scared to open to the wind. But you will get back into the swing of things. There is time. Eat some chicken soup. And feel the water of the shower. Smell the coffee. Taste the breakfast. Feel the anxiety or dissapointment. Or whatever.

newtech

There is something called habitual tendencies. Probably what u do is: painful feeling arise, u dont like that painful feeling, u try controling that painful feeling relaxing, that doesnt work, u stay thinking about that painful feeling. U go out of meditation much more relaxed, but u quite never feel like the pain go away.

U cant control a feeling, u cant disolve it, it just the biggest illusion ever..WHAT U DO ITS RELAX THE HABITUAL TENDENCY!.

Notice how the feeling arise, then notice your habitual tendency: u dont like what arise, then notice how your mind goes to the area trying to control it.

What to do?...when arise, and u feel your mind doesnt like the feeling, RELAX that "i dont like", practice ecuanimity. Then see how your mind goes trying to control the feeling, RELAX "that force that whats to control", thats what u relax, not the feeling...then notice how your mind wants to stay with it. Relax that "staying"..then relaxed, go back to the breath, dont stay to much with the feeling....U DONT TOUCH THE FEELING, just everything aroud it.

U will see fast amazing change

fivebells

Sounds like an excellent practice, Michael. Try opening your heart to the experience of the fear, the way you would open your heart to a loved one. Cultivating metta for such an experience is usually very fuitful.

slowmichael

A lot of replies. Thank you all.

I have been in threatment by a psychiatrist. I had some serious dips in my life, but the majority of my life was enjoyable. Actually i thought and tried to analyse why this background anxiety is there when i wake up. And i can not point out enough that this is sometimes very mild and sometimes severe.

In my opinion it is a feeling of basic insecurity from well genetical stuff. Me mom had it very bad, my sister has it to, my son has it.

There is also the nurturing part, i guess having a severly depressed mother does not make for inducing a picture of the world as a non hostile place.

For now i will open up for these feelings whilst meditating, it certainly does not get worse when i do this. My guess is that if i really look in deeply in the bodyfeelings that are triggered and just watch them withouth judging, that can only be good and much beter than getting out of my bed and jumping in to activities so i do not feel this (mild or bad anxiety).

And i can concentrate much better this way because my body reacts in many ways when sitting with these feelings, it is like watching a big show. Hey my muscles contract, wow now my heartbeat is going faster, and so on......... .