Warmth and compassion

ThailandTom

I have been pondering over something recently and it relates to how people tend to come across to other people. By this I mean how somebody bases an opinion or has a feeling about somebody else on first meeting them or after conversing with them.

I have come to notice that people who are kind, caring, compassionate and warm and a joy to be around. You can get a sense of their splendid way of being by just being around them for some time.

I know deep down that I am a kind and considerate person in my every day life. Often on the net I do tend to get into debates or practice unskillful speech, but in my physical day to day activities I am at the core a kind person I would say. I make a point of not killing animals or even insects intentionally or by accident, I leave ants to crawl all over my room for example. I am generous and think of peoples feelings in most situations. However, I feel my anxiety hinders this or taints it to a certain extent. If I am speaking to somebody or in a social situation I am often anxious and I get the feeling people think I am that way due to something personal about them. I can be short in conversation and I guess appear to be looking unhappy, as if I do not wish to be there. I am sure most people then jump to the conclusion it is a problem with them I have which in fact it is the total opposite, it is with myself.

How can I go about bringing out the skillful and warm intentions I have inside and expel my anxiety?

PietroPumokin

pussyfoot towards prussia in your prissiest pusherpussers down dooberwoober alleyway that's honkin from new york...... eat more veal that isn';t veal
wait.... i'm serious..... stop asking questions and just go poop .... it'll make you feel better and saner after a fair bit of bathing...... now you're just getting self conscious as i am... who cares? you just gotta do IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Jeffrey

Mindfulness can help.

Which what I think I can (have ability) to put across would be that when you are in conversation with these people. Is to feel your breath. Feel your feet on the ground. See what you are seeing, hearing etc. But don't stare at it. Feel the anxiety but don't dwell on it.

And take great care to take more TIME than you normally would. You might be afraid to seem dumb.

But give time for you to consider what they say. What do you want to say? Monkey mind comes up at first. But give a little extra time for a response to bubble up. From deep sane mind. You cannot lose this connection to sanity. There is more right about you than wrong. I know I am schizoaffective disorder and I have received this message and it feels true. Of course when I am having fits sometimes a good nights sleep is all that helps and in that case just battle through till night, I guess. Be kind. But be honest. And see.

My teacher says that 99% of us is ok. But there is this 1% that is not with the program.

If you have something to say that is difficult it is an art form to be skillful. Notice others who are skillful and appreciate their example. Wish that their qualities can come alive in you. This could be real people or just someone who inspires you. HHDL whatever....

But if you have something difficult to say or whatever. Anxiety. Whatever. Say it. Say it. And the other person might not listen to you. They might not do what you need them to do.

But because of the communication you will feel better. Its like ventillation of the heart.


Aside from this instruction in speaking which I am paraphrasing that my teacher gave to me. Aside from that. Mindfulness meditation will help. Awareness. Tonglen might help. Metta or Maitri meditation might help you contact your good heart. Lojong 7 pointed mindfulness training might give you some ideas that break up the stagnant pools of old thinking and old ways; new winds blowing in.

AllbuddhaBound

In this world, we seem to focus on our problems rather than our strengths. From the teenager who views themselves in the mirror with a zit to the elderly person who feels alone and abandoned, we rarely look for what is right about us and our lives.

In a world more than happy to pass judgement, we compound the problems we have by adding self-flaggelation. We seem to feel beating ourselves up as well is some kind of virtue. All it really does is depresses us, or makes us angry and resentful or anxious.

Tom, there is a lot right with you. You are a kind and considerate person. Not perfect but then, who of us is? I know you have been generous and thoughtful with me when I had questions to ask and that is all I really need and want to know. And I would say that your strength is really all you need to know as well. Believe in yourself my friend. The world will be more than willing to provide the downers even when you don't want to hear them. Your job is to provide things that uplift you. Do that and you are a resilient and effective sentient being.

aMatt

ThailandTom wrote: »

How can I go about bringing out the skillful and warm intentions I have inside and expel my anxiety?

Tom,

I think your question is fantastic, and is a great thing to keep in mind as you experience other people. As you continue your meditation practice, you are scrubbing out the inside of your mind, which is where the anxiety arises. Just notice that you have been anxious instead of warm and keep scrubbing. That is the best way to see those hopes manifest (of being available to others, rather than anxious.)

What you appear to be struggling with is the main crux of most practices, which is the relinquishing of self vs being openly available to be of service to others. Self-centric thoughts in your case sound like they manifest as anxiety. A selfless view normally comes across as genuine, compassionate, or as you describe... warm and joyous. Don't worry about either side however, just keep scrubbing.

With warmth,

Matt