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Hi, I am new here.
Hi, I am new here. My name is Lex, I am 28/f. Going through a rough spot in my life (I know, all life is rough, right now is just rougher for me than usual). I have been interested in Buddhism since I was a young teen. Not really sure what I don't know and what I need to learn, if that makes any sense at all.
Right now I am trying to improve my life by slowly tapering off clonazepam (an anti anxiety medication) because it's making me into a zombie/makes me feel stoned (that's the working theory). I also spent most of the last 10 years (since age 18) drinking to deal with anxiety but gave that up (drinking) on September 12 (2010) and just quit smoking on October 13, 2010, so a lot of changes. Kind of irritable from all the chemical changes though, and I have been complaining waaaay too much lately, it's not the way I want to be (a complainer). I thought joining a group like this would be good for me as it would teach me more about Buddhism, teach me to be grateful for what I have and teach me to be stronger and complain less.
I look forward to meeting other members. Take care. Lex
P.S. Am really new here, not even sure how to make a signature, not sure if my profile pic will work, nothing... might take me a little bit.
Right now I am trying to improve my life by slowly tapering off clonazepam (an anti anxiety medication) because it's making me into a zombie/makes me feel stoned (that's the working theory). I also spent most of the last 10 years (since age 18) drinking to deal with anxiety but gave that up (drinking) on September 12 (2010) and just quit smoking on October 13, 2010, so a lot of changes. Kind of irritable from all the chemical changes though, and I have been complaining waaaay too much lately, it's not the way I want to be (a complainer). I thought joining a group like this would be good for me as it would teach me more about Buddhism, teach me to be grateful for what I have and teach me to be stronger and complain less.
I look forward to meeting other members. Take care. Lex
P.S. Am really new here, not even sure how to make a signature, not sure if my profile pic will work, nothing... might take me a little bit.
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Comments
Ahhh, wanna cigarette (whines). Thanks again. I just realized I didn't put this in the new member introduction. Oh well. Thanks again for the welcomes.
Extreme lifestyle changes can make your head spin a bit and create a hankering for old ways, like a ship on a stormy sea dropping anchor. Diving in at the deep end, eh? Well good old fashioned meditation should help you to sort your head out a bit, but I also like some walking in the fresh air too, especially when my thumbs start twiddling, which is a cue for a 'relaxation aid' of sorts.
Keep everyone here updated on your progress and hopefully you'll get the support you desire.
No, you don't. The cure is to be here and not think about it; the reality is that it makes you feel worse. Perhaps eventually you will realize you were eating crap and learning to justify your enjoyment of it to yourself.
Find something better to do.
Don't worry too much at this point about becoming an expert at Buddhism (or putting a signature on your posts). Just concentrate on you. There are a number of threads on basic readings on Buddhism which you can peruse at your leisure, but I always recommend "Buddhism for Dummies" and "Buddhism Plain & Simple" by Steve Hagen as good places to start. But there are many other basic books as well.
The upshot, as far as I'm concerned is this:
1. Meditate (meditate, meditate, meditate, meditate!). Jon Kabat-Zinn's books are excellent primers on meditation techniques. It doesn't matter as much *how* you do it, as that you (as the commercial says) just do it.
2. Google "Four Noble Truths" and "Noble Eightfold Path" - that's pretty much what you need to know about Buddhism to get started, and it's pretty straightforward.
3. Ask as many questions as you want here. Somebody's always awake somewhere in the world.
Blessings and best of luck on your journey!
Knowing that so much suffering is just chemical responses in the brain is interesting. It allows me to watch myself and my own suffering from a distance, which is odd.
As for exercise, sorry to say, I probably should be getting more of it (exercise). I have a good friend who says I complain too much about feeling "unreal" (I feel that way pretty intensely constantly and have for over 2 and a half years so I am frghtened I am brain damaged and will never go back to normal... I know if I could learn to stop obsessing I would fare better).
As for diving in at the deep end, I think it's a personality thing. I was always one of those people who would rather quickly rip a bandaid off (and maybe take some extra hairs with it) then carefully tug and pull for fifteen minutes.
One thing I definately need to learn is gratitude for what I have. I actually LIKE the idea of reincarnation because I want another, better life... which is an inane idea, because my life itself isn't that bad, objectively. I mean, it's LIFE, so I am stuck in the same trails everyone faces- life, disease, old age, death. On and on. I've let myself fall into a way of thinking that is not good or beneficial though, and I am not sure when it started, when I started "hating" this one so much.
People tell me I am a kind person, and I think usually I am. But I definately need to stop comparing my life to others, and being envious. Envy is probably my greatest enemy, out of the major sins... not envy for matieral posessions, but for states of mind and oppurtunities and others' lives. Pathetic, really, as I KNOW we are all interconnected.
A lot of my envy (currently) stems from feeling like I didn't get what I needed as a child- like MANY people I was abused, pretty badly, and I realize there is probably some karmic debt there that has now been erased (hopefully)- and I definately DO NOT treat people like my parents do- but now I am envious. Haunted. I read an interesting article earlier today about reincarnation of the I-concsiousness (or I-con) within a single life-time and that brought up an old thought I had... is it possible for a person to be "haunted", in the quantum sense, by a younger version of themselves?
Sorry if this is all over the place. New, excited and when excited I tend to get scatter brained.
The main things I want (need?) to learn are:
How not to be envious of others and appreciate what I have
How to put up with emotional/mental discomfort/anxiety/panic/pain (I am pretty good at dealing with strictly physical discomfort)
I want to become a better person, not only for myself, but to help others. Thanks again, sorry for rambling. I'll probably settle down with time.
lex
What was I saying again? *laughs* Oh yes, please forgive me if I seem like a stoner or "out of it" or a bit dull for a while (this includes typos and asking repetitive questions)- my brain is plastic and repairing itself, but until then.... you get the drift.
But thank you Mountains! So far everyone here has been awesome! I joined a benzo withdrawal site because of benzo side effects and was called a troll because I was too optimistic! *laughs again* Also, thanks to everyone (if I forget anyone when I give out thank yous, its my bad memory, not because I am not grateful). You're right owner of 1000oddsocks... I don't REALLY want a cigarette, I am just addicted.
Let's see... 4 days, 12 hours and....17 minutes. Since my last cigarette. Only another 1.5-3.5 weeks to go until my anxiety and restlessness (on average) settles back down to pre-cessation levels. One day at a time.
Have any of you heard of the theories that there are better times of the day to do things? Read about that earlier on a site on reincarnation, something about karmic debt in the cosmic sense.
Also, I am not sure if Buddhists pray, but what I know and believe is that
1) we are all made of matter and matter is energy (we are all energy)
2) the universe is infinite energy, and we are all interconnected
3) because we are all interconnected we can energetically effect each other
In that sense, I am interested in "spiritual prayer" and dream healing, also have recently gotten into the power of the subsconsious mind. I think I am confusing my subconscious mind though.
Also, another offshoot question... did any of you suffer from generalized anxiety or panic before studying buddhism, and did your studies lead to a reduction in your anxiety?
Thank you.
P.S. I live in Vancouver, British Columbia, am caucausian (28/f) and can only speak English (a tiny bit of spanish, too, but I am not counting that). I have been interested in joining, if possible, a temple to learn more about Buddhism but am not sure where to go... not exactly the sort of thing you look up in the yellow pages.
If anyone is familiar with the term "akathisia" I have that really badly these days- it's a psych term, usually associated with certain meds. It means a feeling of inner restlessness, like you have to keep moving- sort of like restless leg syndrome, except through your entire body.
Right now I am trying to reestablish my ability to focus by taking tiny baby steps like writing semi-intelligble posts like these and playing small games at lumosity, etc...
Thanks again Cloud.
Lex
Looks to me like you worry too much. Your head is drifting all over the place and if you could only take the focus off yourself and direct that energy elsewhere in your local community, in one form or another. If you have the time, attempt to put it to good use.
Whatever has happened to your brain, it is what it is. You know yourself if you are capable of funtioning, if you are capable of being calm, finding peace of mind, having an open mind, feeling love and other positive qualities. It's evident to me, at least, that you have some of these qualities.
If you have restless legs, get them moving.
You have made a great start in quitting drinking and smoking. The key to recovery from anxiety disorders is by changing your thinking. How we think, determines how we feel and often it is irrational, illogical thoughts that cause us to feel anxious. I recovered using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy teaches you to argue against these irrational, illogical thoughts and replace them with accurate, rational and logical thoughts. When your thoughts change, so will your feelings.
Buddhism is also helpful. You learn to 'let go' of your thoughts, so the thoughts have no effect on you. Thoughts are simply thoughts. They cannot harm you, unless, you let them to.