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"Glory" ...?

ZaylZayl Veteran
edited October 2010 in Buddhism Basics
Ah, how do I really explain this... ok. For quite a long time, I was an Asatruar; a believer in the Norse gods of old (Odin, Thor, Tyr, etc) and something I took along with me from that time in my life is a sense of glory and honor... especially when it comes to combat. I used to be a wrestler, a boxer, then eventually a cage fighter (gave it all up, btw) and I fought to win I fought ruthlessly, though not dirty and always within the rules set down. Even when I got into a fight outside of the ring, I fought well and never did anything unsporting (kicking them when they're down, hitting below the belt, other such nonsense) but most of all, I enjoyed it.

To me, fighting was exhilarating, letting a kind of red animalistic rage take over. If I got hit or hurt, it felt kind of good. And when I hit or hurt someone else, it felt really REALLY good... better than sex. Triumphing over people in fair fights seemed to contribute to my personal sense of honor and glory. I did not do any of this for the adoration of people standing by, but for myself and myself alone.

I am now severely out of shape to the point where I would be a fool to fight again... but I find myself missing the thrill, the pleasure, the pain, and the "glory"

So, what now?

Comments

  • questionfulquestionful
    edited October 2010
    Good job for renouncing it! Missing it is inevitable but worth it. Now, follow the noble eightfold path!

    And check out this video:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th733HfJwdo
  • exonesionexonesion
    edited October 2010
    Keep practicing meditation until your mind is pure enough to enter upon Jhanas. Then the enjoyment, the thrill, the pleasure would be an uncountable times better than fighting. :)
    Even when the mind is still, happiness arise.
  • milkmothmilkmoth
    edited October 2010
    I was also a fiesty one growing up... But then there was a period where I lost all my friends, moved several times, and became a loner. This taught me all about myself and the Path.

    For that feeling you're talking about I suggest running. Start slow and build up your endurance. I run so hard sometimes I urinate from the stress of just going that last mile... that is glory for me sometimes. Pushing yourself so hard that your Spirit triumphs over your flesh.

    There will be Buddhists who'll say... oh don't bother. But then they haven't felt that utter burn that isn't pleasure and isn't pain and isn't life or death or something or nothing. Eh? ;) That's the stuff...
  • ChrysalidChrysalid Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Zayl wrote: »
    To me, fighting was exhilarating, letting a kind of red animalistic rage take over. If I got hit or hurt, it felt kind of good. And when I hit or hurt someone else, it felt really REALLY good... better than sex. Triumphing over people in fair fights seemed to contribute to my personal sense of honor and glory. I did not do any of this for the adoration of people standing by, but for myself and myself alone.
    Thinking back on it, where do you think the desire to fight originated, and what aspect of your personality did inflicting damage/pain to another satisfy?

    When you are angry, do you automatically think about fighting or have you mellowed and can now allow the anger to pass?
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Chrysalid wrote: »
    Thinking back on it, where do you think the desire to fight originated, and what aspect of your personality did inflicting damage/pain to another satisfy?

    When you are angry, do you automatically think about fighting or have you mellowed and can now allow the anger to pass?
    Well back then, it was the need to dominate, the need to be stronger. And perhaps something a little darker that I can't place. And I've had no choice but to mellow out, my family has a horrendous history of heart disease and the doc says I got pretty much all of it. If I'm lucky I'll live past 40.

    Now I rarely get angry. I get mad sure in situations that call for it... but I try to look at that anger and figure out what it is.
  • ChrysalidChrysalid Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Zayl wrote: »
    Well back then, it was the need to dominate, the need to be stronger. And perhaps something a little darker that I can't place. And I've had no choice but to mellow out, my family has a horrendous history of heart disease and the doc says I got pretty much all of it. If I'm lucky I'll live past 40.

    Now I rarely get angry. I get mad sure in situations that call for it... but I try to look at that anger and figure out what it is.
    Well you asked "what now?" and I think you pretty much answered it yourself. The glory you can seek now is the mastery of your own nature, by taking control of your desires and emotions. If you're looking for a thrill you won't get it in the same way, but then why would you really want it? Thrills are fleeting, you'll always want more and never get enough.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited October 2010
    I remember I was fit as a fiddle playing center fullback in soccer while 5'7" 120 pounds. I was quick and I even played a little dirty nothing to maim but just throw them off guard and get in their head.

    For that matter my first experience in an organized sport I played basketball and the skill I lacked I made up for in tenacity quickness and asserting my body.

    So I have no clue about cage fighting but in my limited venue I know the thrill of 'battle'.

    I don't know what to say but just to say yes you are older and out of shape and that time is past. 20 or 30 years from now you might be using a walker.

    Never give up.

    Whether you are fighting for your life or your dignity using a walker!
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited October 2010
    I don't think I've been in a fight since about 3rd grade (not a physical one anyway), so I can't help much here...
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Haha, well hey, at least I can take consolation in the fact that at one point in time, I lived that. Many people fantasize about it but never get to do it.

    and if I ever reach old age, I'll go out in public just to be cantankerous. :lol:
  • questionfulquestionful
    edited October 2010
    One thing that will help you get over it is paying attention to the misery that comes along with the desire. This way you'll get tired of this pointless business and every time the desire comes up, you'll think "bah, that old nonsense, whatever."

    There's really no meaning to it. What happened, happened. Our minds assign meaning to everything, but it's just random monkey mind activity. If you can, go on with your life as if you had been a train conductor for the past 5 years, a chef at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. the five years before that, and a flying cymbal-carrying chimp the five years before that. In other words, you don't have to base your present or your future on your past. Of course, in some ways the past is hard to escape, and in those cases we should try to act in the best way possible, for example pay debts, forgive others, make amends, etc. I'm just saying, now that you're done with the fighting stuff, don't stay stuck to it.
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    edited October 2010
    questionful wrote: »
    One thing that will help you get over it is paying attention to the misery that comes along with the desire. This way you'll get tired of this pointless business and every time the desire comes up, you'll think "bah, that old nonsense, whatever."

    There's really no meaning to it. What happened, happened. Our minds assign meaning to everything, but it's just random monkey mind activity. If you can, go on with your life as if you had been a train conductor for the past 5 years, a chef at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. the five years before that, and a flying cymbal-carrying chimp the five years before that. In other words, you don't have to base your present or your future on your past. Of course, in some ways the past is hard to escape, and in those cases we should try to act in the best way possible, for example pay debts, forgive others, make amends, etc. I'm just saying, now that you're done with the fighting stuff, don't stay stuck to it.
    Ah yes, but all of that is hard to do when I have more scars than I know what to do with, and I vividly remember how I got a majority of them. But I can try!
  • questionfulquestionful
    edited October 2010
    I have a question. What did you learn from all your fighting-related experiences?
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    edited October 2010
    questionful wrote: »
    I have a question. What did you learn from all your fighting-related experiences?
    I don't really know. I fought for the thrill, to have fun, and to win. I've learned to deal with physical discomfort and pain I guess.
  • weya98weya98
    edited October 2010
    Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush and the endorphins that come with challenging physical exercise.

    Can you channel this into a noncombative physical exercise? Challenge yourself to a marathon. Or if you're no longer able to do something like that (I did read the part about the heart disease) then what about something like tai chi or yoga? Or even walking.

    Certainly physical exercise (approved by your doctor) will help your quality of life. And perhaps now the "glory" comes from what you can achieve against yourself rather than others? I know I feel great satisfaction when I can do a yoga move that used to be impossible, or I can remember one more bit of the tai chi form I'm learning, or when I'm in dance class, suddenly a move clicks that I've been struggling to learn.

    I'm just wondering if you substitute something else physical, will you achieve that satisfaction you seem to be craving. Maybe it's your body telling you ... it's time to get moving again?

    Just a thought.
  • PietroPumokinPietroPumokin
    edited October 2010
    maybe like take up zen boxing or something... kung fu or whatever.... meditation fighting... karate.. that may be good
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