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The art of doing things slowly.
As I write this. I find myself wolfing down a bowl of ravioli with one hand and trying to use the scroll keys with the other. I'm not a master of my art 
I'm 19 years old. Male. I grew up in an upper middle class family in the suburbs of some city in the United States. I moved out a year ago and am now living with my great aunt in Prague, Czech Republic.
When I wake up in the morning. I have to use a great deal of faith. I have faith that there is a floor bellow my bed as I take my first step each morning. I do not believe knowledge is possible. My general argument, is that I have no reason to believe what my eyes see and what my ears hear, so HOW can I know?
At one point I found myself sitting, perfectly still, and in silence, searching for the meaning of life. This went on for hours. I felt so trapped, unable to find something, anything. Then I got up to go pee.
And I know that sounds funny. But it’s the closest thing to freedom from nihilism I ever felt in those years. I had felt so strongly that there was no reason to do anything. And then, half without knowing it, I stood up and started walking off in the direction of the john.
I've spent more time than average thinking about philosophy in my life... But less time reading about it. Two years ago, around Christmas, I decided to try the "breathing meditation". I found it had some interesting effects on my perception of the world. I learned to look around the room, without moving my eyes. Things where blurry and out of focus.
My life can be broken into 3 phases.
* 1st phase I was a child. I was not a happy child. My mother is an environmentalist and an anti-consumerist. We ate a lot of rotten apples from the back yard and told stories about how the evil corporations where doing this or that. I refused to watch television when I went to other kids houses, and I didn't play with their "commercial" toys either. Soon I had no friends at all.
* 2nd phase started when I had a crisis. I was a teenager. I developed a mental illness of sorts. I was an avid nihilist and perfectionist. I wanted to "escape from my human traits", this ended up being a long list of hopeless perfectionism. My occupations included day dreaming, extreme self improvement(running, and running, and running, and studying, and studying, and studying), and not thinking about sex.
* The 3rd phase, the transition to which has taken several years work, is hopefully a kind of pragmatism. I have changed my world view from that of deterministic nihilism, to that of extreme epistemological skepticism. Rather than "knowing life is meaningless" I "don't know anything at all."
And now, I am finding a new way of living and interacting with the world. I walk slowly. I look at leaves as they move in the wind. I wash things till they're clean. I cook food, and set the table. Sometimes, I'll spend the evening just sitting and drinking a pot of tea. Taking one sip at a time. Experiencing every moment fully.
And I'm starting to feel happy.
Now, I find that I have a pendulum of sorts. I will step into the rushing buzz of school. All the things I have to do and read. All the people to meet. Until I'm overwhelmed, and obsessed with calculating fractions of a second. I become completely overwhelmed. Then I'll stop. Find myself standing in the dining room with my thoughts screaming past. I wait for them to dissipate. And then I consciously begin walking slowly off to whatever I have to do, making sure I have my tea that evening, setting the table and actually sitting down to eat...
It is a solution to a great problem that I have had in my life.
I know that this art of walking slowly, and drinking tea comes from the east. And I know that it is related to Bhudism. So I decided to join this site. And see what else I can learn from you...
I'm 19 years old. Male. I grew up in an upper middle class family in the suburbs of some city in the United States. I moved out a year ago and am now living with my great aunt in Prague, Czech Republic.
When I wake up in the morning. I have to use a great deal of faith. I have faith that there is a floor bellow my bed as I take my first step each morning. I do not believe knowledge is possible. My general argument, is that I have no reason to believe what my eyes see and what my ears hear, so HOW can I know?
At one point I found myself sitting, perfectly still, and in silence, searching for the meaning of life. This went on for hours. I felt so trapped, unable to find something, anything. Then I got up to go pee.
And I know that sounds funny. But it’s the closest thing to freedom from nihilism I ever felt in those years. I had felt so strongly that there was no reason to do anything. And then, half without knowing it, I stood up and started walking off in the direction of the john.
I've spent more time than average thinking about philosophy in my life... But less time reading about it. Two years ago, around Christmas, I decided to try the "breathing meditation". I found it had some interesting effects on my perception of the world. I learned to look around the room, without moving my eyes. Things where blurry and out of focus.
My life can be broken into 3 phases.
* 1st phase I was a child. I was not a happy child. My mother is an environmentalist and an anti-consumerist. We ate a lot of rotten apples from the back yard and told stories about how the evil corporations where doing this or that. I refused to watch television when I went to other kids houses, and I didn't play with their "commercial" toys either. Soon I had no friends at all.
* 2nd phase started when I had a crisis. I was a teenager. I developed a mental illness of sorts. I was an avid nihilist and perfectionist. I wanted to "escape from my human traits", this ended up being a long list of hopeless perfectionism. My occupations included day dreaming, extreme self improvement(running, and running, and running, and studying, and studying, and studying), and not thinking about sex.
* The 3rd phase, the transition to which has taken several years work, is hopefully a kind of pragmatism. I have changed my world view from that of deterministic nihilism, to that of extreme epistemological skepticism. Rather than "knowing life is meaningless" I "don't know anything at all."
And now, I am finding a new way of living and interacting with the world. I walk slowly. I look at leaves as they move in the wind. I wash things till they're clean. I cook food, and set the table. Sometimes, I'll spend the evening just sitting and drinking a pot of tea. Taking one sip at a time. Experiencing every moment fully.
And I'm starting to feel happy.
Now, I find that I have a pendulum of sorts. I will step into the rushing buzz of school. All the things I have to do and read. All the people to meet. Until I'm overwhelmed, and obsessed with calculating fractions of a second. I become completely overwhelmed. Then I'll stop. Find myself standing in the dining room with my thoughts screaming past. I wait for them to dissipate. And then I consciously begin walking slowly off to whatever I have to do, making sure I have my tea that evening, setting the table and actually sitting down to eat...
It is a solution to a great problem that I have had in my life.
I know that this art of walking slowly, and drinking tea comes from the east. And I know that it is related to Bhudism. So I decided to join this site. And see what else I can learn from you...
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