Too Young to be Buddhist?

LittleAlly

To understand that title, you need to understand my fight with religion for a second.

My mom started going to church when I was about 5, and she brought me and my brother with her. My brother said he was always atheist, and the only reason he went to church was to make my mom happy. He stopped going when he was about twelve. He's atheist, like I said before.

I always felt I was a devout Christian until about July this year. Faith just started becoming harder and confusion was racking through me. I realized I was agnostic in about August. When I told my mom that I wanted to stop going to church, she said I was too young to decide my own religion. (I'm twelve.) However, she did feel it was right for me to explore, but insisted I explore Christianity instead. But I couldn't. It was like a lie. Scratch that, it WAS a lie.

Now don't get me wrong about my age. It's quite weird about that, you know. I was once depression (two years ago? or one year ago? No, January this year) and I guess with part of my transformation to so called "normalcy", some parts of me simply were let go. The thing about depression is that it makes you feel older than you are, and act older than you are when you're through with it, especially when you have it with a child. Experiencing true pain is something that most people my age haven't really experienced thoroughly. That last sentence didn't really make any sense, because depression is based off your reaction to life, not your actual life. So never mind. Most people my age bounce back quicker than I do, but when you spend time climbing instead of just BOUNCING, it starts to leave something inside of you.

I am seriously REALLY new to Buddhism, but I really admired the concepts and the thought of there being no god.

So that's the story, but this is the problem.

I feel like a really horrible Buddhist. As in, I lie and I care about my appearance and I know this is natural for growing up. And yet every time I do, I feel horrible, like my soul has been frozen, microwaved, fried, and boiled. But yet I understand how total happiness is just that- letting your cravings go, and getting to Nirvana. It's just too hard to neutralize myself, yet I don't want to give up. What should I do?

Thanks so much!

Mountains

What should you do? RELAX! You don't say how old you are, but it really doesn't matter. All the things you talk about - depression, lying, caring about your appearance (to extreme) - those are all manifestations of your ego. Just the fact of recognizing that that's what they are is a huge step. They are not "you". They are your ego. Don't worry about nirvana at this point.

I'd advise you to get a couple of good basic books on Buddhism and just start reading them. See if it makes sense for you. And it's okay if it doesn't. Maybe you're not ready. Maybe you are, and you'll be off on a wonderful path. But don't sweat it.

Ask yourself why you feel the need to lie though. Is it insecurity? Do you need to make yourself "more important" than others? Have you done something you're ashamed of? If so, why did you do it? These are questions we ask when we're becoming more aware. Question everything you think, say, and do.

Good luck!

nanadhaja

Hi LittleAlly.
I agree with mountains.You are young and you are new to all of this.Every one has problems being "buddhist"at some stage.Heck,I put off being a monk for a long time because I did not want to cut my hair.
Relax and stick with it.Over time you will start to see change.In the meantime if you are not sure about stuff,you can always come here and there will always be some people you can talk to.
With metta:)

PietroPumokin

hey you write pretty well for a 12 year old, i didnt catch your age as i was reading so you sounded like at least 17 to me... .... i am thinking this is a very important age to be thinking about religion. you are still in the developmental period of your life, and you will be, for at least the next four to eight years. intense, groundlaying development, very impressionable. which is one reason i would suggest not totally abandoning your christianity, if you were raised in it and are familiar with it. to take refuge in buddhism is perfectly alright and i and everyone else in this sangha would one hundred percent support you. however, i also recommend exploring the christian tradition you were brought up in, which in truth is very closely similar to buddhism in some ways. the thing to do may be not to fully cut yourself from christianity and run to buddhism, but to embrace both of them as much as you feel is right to do- one as a new and fulfilling spiritual path, and the other as something that is still a part of you, culturally and personally. since you are a good writer and are getting i nto buddhism, you probably enjoy reading too and can read at a decent level. thicht naht hanh explores christianity and buddhism and their elements of spiritual practice.... i was also reading soren kierkegaard earlier today and he is a good read... he was a danish philosopher, however his books might be too advanced for you... but i was reading "The Diary" and that is a mucheasier a read than his big works... ANYWAYS IM TALKING TOO MUCH... but one more thing. wait never mind i forget

Mountains

I'm 48 and I'm still very much in the "development stage" of my life

seeker242

There is no such thing as a horrible Buddhist if you just try. Buddhists practice letting go of cravings but sometimes that does not always work. But that does not mean one is a horrible Buddhist, it just means more practice is needed. What makes a good Buddhist is how much they try, not how much they succeed.

Dazzle

Hi LittleAlly,

Firstly I'd like to thank you for your very honest and well written post.

Don't worry too much, you're 12 - and you are experiencing physical changes and emotional uncertainty as part of the natural process of adolescence.

Just relax a little - relaxing and not getting too intense about things will also help you with your interactions with others so that there isn't too much unnecessary conflict.

There's nothing wrong in wanting to look nice, so long as it doesn't become an obsession and take over your whole life.

Take your time with your investigations into Buddhism.. and don't neglect your schoolwork because this will help you later on when you need to get a job.

There are some Buddhist studies for secondary students which you might enjoy doing in your spare time at this link:

http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/buddhism/bs-s_syll.htm


Lots of good wishes to you,

Dazzle


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BonsaiDoug

seeker242 wrote: »

There is no such thing as a horrible Buddhist if you just try.

So true. There is no punishment for failing, or straying from the path occasionally. The beautiful thing about Buddhism is that there are always caring, understanding and compassionate folk to help and guide you along the way.

IllusoryFreedom

I don't think you can be too young to choose your own religion. I think a lot of adults underestimate children's abilities to make their own decisions. While you might not have as much "life experience" as older people, you still have just as much potential to think for yourself. (On a side note, you'll probably also get adults trying to tell you that you are also too young to be depressed, which I found out first hand isn't true when I was about half your current age. If your depression becomes a serious problem, you may want to think about seeking help if your parents will actually listen.)

Just do your best to follow Buddhist teachings. You don't have to believe in Christianity, but you may still want to attend church with your mom to make her happy. Depending on how religious she is, it might be causing her undue suffering to see you rejecting her beliefs. I've noticed that some Christian parents end up feeling as though they failed as parents when their kids reject Christianity.

That being said, you might also want to consider why you are drawn to Buddhism. Is it because you actually agree with it's teachings, or are you simply trying to rebel against your Christian mother? You don't need to answer that here, it's just something to think about. I only bring this up because you said you admire the "thought of there being no god."