I laughed, til I cried!

federica

This is an e-mail sent to me from a very dear friend living in New Hampshire...;
Enjoy....!!

BUSH HAIKU

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotations
from George W.Bush, arranged by Washington Post writer
Richard Thompson:

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pant leg of opportunity.

I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!

Make the pie higher!


(Pass this on. Help cure Mad Cowboy Disease)

Satori

I remember seeing this a while back. It's hilarious!!

CaptBob8789

In lack of a more poetic responce, ROFLMAO. Laughing may have made my back hurt more, but it was worth it!

zenmonk_genryu

"I can only speak to myself." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

buddhafoot

... ... Strategery.

-bf

CaptBob8789

"Now I'm going to eat my lasagna. If it gets cold you have to eat the lasagna." — Ft. Bragg, North Carolina, Mar. 15, 2002

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." He thinks there's air on mars. Priceless!

"A low voter turn-out is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region."

Just a few quotes that made me laugh.

Knitwitch

I think you are all being very unkind. You shouldn't mock the afflicted.





But I'm still laughing.

zenmonk_genryu

It might be a tad unfair to the afflicted to count Bush amongst their number. I feel quite sorry for the guy but honestly...he thinks there's air on Mars.

Knitwitch

there are people in Britain who think Shergar a missing racehorse, Lord Lucan a disappeared crook and Elvis are all living happily together on the moon!

But I think (mostly) they aren't running the country!

zenmonk_genryu

LOL, indeedy.

Satori

A friend sent this to me in an email today, and since it tied in perfectly with this thread, I thought I'd post it here. It is absolutely hilarious!!

George W. Bush, in his own write
By Jaime O'Neill
Sunday, January 29, 2006

Politicians don't write their own speeches, although there was a time when they did, or at least played a greater role in the writing. Think of Lincoln's second inaugural, or Kennedy's first, and you'll get an idea of the kind of soaring public rhetoric that has been lost since the task has largely been given over to committees of behind-the-scenes scribblers.

But what if George W. Bush cut out the scribblers and decided to construct Tuesday night's State of the Union address out of things he's already said? Such a speech might look like the one below, crafted entirely from the things he has contributed thus far to the public record, according to the Bushisms Web site. All the words are the president's own:

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished citizens and fellow citizens:

This is historic times.

The past is over. There may be some tough times here in America. But this country has gone through tough times before, and we're going to do it again. Our nation must come together to unite. A leadership is someone who brings people together. When you're marching to war, it's not a very optimistic thought, is it? In other words, it's the opposite of optimistic when you're thinking you're going to war. Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that.

I think the American people -- I hope the American -- I don't think, let me -- I hope the American people trust me.

This is historic times.

There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead, but I know something about being a government. And you've got a good one. Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation to be in a recession. We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work because I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.

This is historic times.

The true strength of America is found in the hearts and souls of people who are willing to love their neighbor, just like they would like to love themselves. Christian, Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, people have heard the universal call to love a neighbor just like they'd like to be called themselves. Families are where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.

There's no bigger task than protecting the homeland of our country. See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction. There's no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world's worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world's worst weapons. It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way.

This is historic times.

See, we love -- We love freedom. That's what they didn't understand. They hate things; we love things. They act out of hatred; we don't seek revenge, we seek justice out of love. The goals for this country are peace in the world. And the goals for this country are a compassionate American for every single citizen.

I think war is a dangerous place, but we ended the rule of one of history's worst tyrants, and in so doing, we not only freed the American people, we made our own people more secure. Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat. My views are one that speaks to freedom.

This is historic times.

The vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice. These have been tough weeks in that country. I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region, but security is the essential roadblock to achieving the road map to peace.

I understand there's a suspicion that we -- we're too security-conscience. We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make -- it would hope -- put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see.

This is historic times.

I'm not going to accept a lousy bill out of the United Nations Senate. I look forward to working with the United Nations Senate to preserve these national heritages. Any time we've got any kind of inkling that somebody is thinking about doing something to an American and something to our homeland, you've just got to know we're moving on it, to protect the United Nations Constitution, and at the same time, we're protecting you.

This is historic times.

I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me, but I repeat, personal accounts do not permanently fix the solution. We are making steadfast progress.

The public education system in America is one of the most important foundations of our democracy. After all, it is where children from all over America learn to be responsible citizens, and learn to have the skills necessary to take advantage of our fantastic opportunistic society. But rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through? Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis.

This is historic times.

Reading is the basics for all learning. The true greatness of America are the people, but the illiteracy level of our children are appalling. You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.

And so, in my last State of the -- my State of the Union -- or state -- my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation -- I asked Americans to give 4,000 years -- 4,000 hours over the next -- the rest of your life -- of service to America. That's what I asked -- 4,000 hours.

This is historic times.

I believe we are called to do the hard work to make our communities and quality of life a better place. Over 75 percent of white Americans own their home, and less than 50 percent of Hispanics and African Americans don't own their home.

I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans. It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life. For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it.

We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end. You're free. And freedom is beautiful. My views are one that speaks to freedom. I love to bring people into the Oval Office -- right around the corner from here -- and say, this is where I office, but I want you to know the office is always bigger than the person. And, you know, it'll take time to restore chaos and order -- order out of chaos. But we will. I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values.

This is historic times.

Thank you, and God bless America.

This is, most assuredly, not the speech we'll be hearing in two days. We've already heard this speech, of course, though not in one sitting. It remains to be seen whether the president's speechwriters will give us a truer account of the State of the Union than can be found in the president's words.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2006/01/29/INGT0GTK0O1.DTL