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Dealing with anger
Here's the situation. I just watched a political commentator of some repute trying very hard and very obviously to get a group of experts to say what he wanted them to. Happily 3 out of 4 didn't. But it made me angry because this man's show is on Public Television which is supposedly impartial.
Obviously I'm still angry. I've tried to stand back from my anger and view it objectively, but what I come up with is, I've got good reason to be angry.
What's the Buddhist way of coping?
Obviously I'm still angry. I've tried to stand back from my anger and view it objectively, but what I come up with is, I've got good reason to be angry.
What's the Buddhist way of coping?
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Comments
There is something inherently wrong with anger...i'm quite sure the buddha made that clear. Of course I don't mean that argumentatively, just sayin you should most definitely avoid anger.
As far as how to move on, just think of how unskillful anger is. Anger takes away from merit you have built up, and overall only has negative effects, so what purpose is there in holding onto it?
You see, here I go again
Om mani padme hum...
I understand the point you're making, but it's somewhat misleading. Now of course being angry and not acting on it is better than being angry and acting on it, but it's still best to avoid altogether.
Remember when anger arises within us we are the first victim of that anger. To think we have reason to be angry is a confused perception, that needs purifying or relinquishing, as its that very perception that creates and fuels our suffering/anger.
The skill of letting it go is the whole path! And its a skill that is acquired and perfected gradually
The most skillful way to let go would be to see the impermanence of the perceptions and feelings that arise with your anger thereby creating detachment.
However that depends on your mindfulness and concentration. You should use all the skills you have at your disposal to rid yourself of that anger.....maybe focus on the breath, this is an amazing tool because if your breath is calm and comfortable its only because your mind is at ease and vice versa, so thats a very concrete way of maintaining a healthy mind and checking what state it is in. Stay aware of your breath and keep it calm and smooth. Or maybe direct your thoughts elsewhere, preferable to something uplifting...all of this can help.
Metta
I don't understand how you can disagree when the buddha specifically says "do not allow yourself to get angry" and says the negatives of angry thoughts. If you're angry recognize it, but best to not be angry. People who get angry very easily lose merit in doing so, and are certainly not that far along the path. You can disagree though, we're all free to our opinions
Now if we're just dealing with semantics I agree it's not "bad" per se, but it is best to not get angry.
http://newbuddhist.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7243
And I guess I want people to agree with me instead of being jackbuns.
You say I've got a 'me' problem?
I should view such people as very kind?
Not really because they obviously are not.
Of course that is reasonable to want that, but is it actually possible to achieve that? No matter what you do, there will always be people who are selfish, unreasonable jackbuns that don't agree with you.
First it suggests we feel our anger so imagining this public speaker would likely be triggering enough for the original poster.
Then, get in touch with our values. Really feel them. Get in touch with the feeling you have when you do something altruistic. Think about the things we love in life. When you have experienced that feeling, think about yourself in loving terms. Then think about the person you are angry at. Do they have values similar to yours? What do you assume their values are? In all likelihood, their values are very similar to yours. Even the talkshow host likes to feel he is being helpful. He likes to feel he is contributing. Those are examples of some of the values that he likely has and are very similar to yours. When you begin thinking about how alike you are, that is the beginning of empathy.
Once you have began to establish empathy with this person, it is much easier to let things go. It sounds fairly complicated but actually, when you practice it enough, it becomes second nature and quite simple to react in a kind and empathic way.
Our anger is fueled by differences in people, not similarities. When we focus on differences, we escalate resentment.
Once a person gets to this place where they feel empathy, they are ready to begin solving problems in a logical way.
But don't believe me, try it for yourself. The approach is called Heals and the E is for experience your emotions, a is for access your values, L is for love yourself and S is for solve the problem. It is an extremely effective manner in which to treat problem anger. The man who developed the process is named Steven Stosny and a good book of his is Love Without Hurt. I highly recommend it to anyone who has problems with anger.
Buddha taught people to be logical, kind and patient. He also taught them not to avoid their emotions. The whole idea behind presence is to never kill your emotions but embrace them. This approach is consistent with those teachings.