Is divorce an easy way out?

Lostie

From where I come from, divorce is frowned upon. I have read ordained nuns/monks in the West divorcing and moving on with life and practising Buddhism.

My qn : Is getting a divorce an easy way out, and then practising Buddhism to "redeem" oneself?

Well there's a saying "out of sight, out of mind". Are we supposed to rid ourselves of physical distractions, eg a disgruntled spouse/ an unhappy marriage for an "easier" path in our practice?

Thanks in advance.

tariki

Perhaps its just one of many easy ways out?

Lostie, your question makes me think of the guy who was enlightened for six months.............until he had to spend time with this mother....:D

Seriously, I think your question is a deep one in many ways, raising as it does the monastic origins of the whole Buddhist teachings, and the influence of this throughout its history. Of the Theravada texts, which speak of the original reluctance of the Buddha to admit women into the order.

But again, if our practise is sincere and genuine then any attempt to take an easy way out will be revealed at some point, even if made in the past.

Lostie

Your reply got me thinking : Buddha Himself was a divorcee if we bought His enlightenment story passed down for thousands of years.

Of course, in the modern context, we seek the Path only when our life got screwed or we yearned for a higher purpose.

Food for thought. Thanks.

SherabDorje

If a marriage is spiritually valid and salvageable, then IMO from the point of view of Buddhist morality it would not be recommended to get a divorce. The Buddha lived in a different time, and perhaps Asian culture is different about divorce than mine, which is Middle American. I almost died trying to save my marriage. I think from the point of view of Buddhist morality a valid marriage must be given a chance and not left casually. And it's possible to reach enlightenment even though one is married.

Mountains

To me this is less of a moral issue than it is a sanity issue. If the relationship is salvageable and both parties want to try to work it out, then by all means that should be step 1. But if that isn't the case, I feel that it's far more unhealthy for everyone - mentally, physically, and spiritually - to try to stay in it for some reason. To my way of thinking, that's clinging to an idea of what you think the marriage could or should be. If the reality is different, then Buddhism says you should live in the reality, not the constructed reality. If one of the goals of Buddhist practice is to try to be happy and serene (which we wish for all beings), then why intentionally stay in a broken relationship and torture yourself and the other person?

I say this having had the experience of divorce while staying good friends with my ex. We both knew at the time that it wasn't working, and likely wouldn't, so we parted as friends, and have remained so. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it's something to shoot for, and for which I'm grateful every single day. In fact, I would say it's not outside the realm of possibility that we may get back together at some point. It's been nearly 10 years we've been divorced, and we've both changed enormously.

I wish you the best with your decision...

thehermitage99

As one who has been through a divorce I certainly would never have called it an 'easy way out'... !!! The divorce itself, plus of course the events that lead up to the divorce and the events that followed it, were some of the worst years of my life.

Now, six years down the line, that particular episode is past, the wounds have healed and life is good.

but easy.. oh no, never easy.

Ficus_religiosa

I agree that torturing oneself forever by staying in a bad relationship/marriage is worse than divorcing. Even though the divorce might only be wanted by one of the spouses, who will then seriously hurt the other by divorcing, the greatest happiness is still attained through the break up - relatively short grief vs. long lasting unhappiness.

upekka

Ajan Brahm says,

married people have married suffering
divorced people have divorced suffering
single people have single suffering
monks have monk suffering
lay people have lay people suffering

until we will be able to end 'whole suffering'

YogiBear

Marriage is for ever.. I was once husband in a past life then brother to my sister who now is my Mother..maybe i will be her Father next time.. We are married for eternity.. Lifetime after lifetime.. Divorce is man made Love is infinite ;o)

thehermitage99

infinite???