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Reflections on Practice as a New Buddhist

BlackFlagBlackFlag
edited October 2010 in Buddhism Basics
Hey all, I've been practicing very intently for the last few weeks. It's a little frustrating because I find it very difficult to meditate for longer than five minutes because of my posture but hopefully this will get better as I continue to practice.

The thing is, I find myself accepting the teachings because they seem to reflect my own personal values and, as I learn more about injustice and cruelty, I feel as if these teachings are just that more valid.

However the thing that really gets me in the dumps about Buddhism is the actual practice of meditating and being in the present moment. One of the reasons for this is because I have been able to touch a feeling of bliss that came from being totally aware of the present moment after meditating, but I find it difficult to get that same level of practice with my subsequent attempts. And I have been meditating everyday but I can't help but feel there is something missing with my practice. I'm not sure what it is though.

I feel that it might be beneficial to practice with a sangha but I would like to be able to diagnose my problem, in the meanwhile, since I won't be able to find one immediately.

If anyone out there can offer some advice, reassurance, or just plain old encouragement, please feel free to share your thoughts :)

Comments

  • naturelovernaturelover
    edited October 2010
    I'm a newbie too. And I've had a few great moments while meditating. And I want those feelings again. But last night while I was meditating I realized that wanting those feelings is a variety of "thirst," desire, craving and attachment. So I'm trying to just let the meditation be whatever it is with no expectations. Perhaps that would help you to.

    I hope you are meditating sitting in a chair. As I understand it, that's acceptable especially if you have posture problems.
  • BlackFlagBlackFlag
    edited October 2010
    Hi Nature Lover, thanks for the reply.

    In regards to the first thing that you said, yes that might be just my problem. I may have too much expectations of my meditation. But letting go of that is just so hard!

    Actually on that note, 'letting go' is something I don't really understand. Buddhists do not seem to equate it to ignoring the problem, so how do you let it go? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

    And no I'm not using a chair because I do not have a chair in my room, but maybe I should start using one?
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited October 2010
    BlackFlag wrote: »
    However the thing that really gets me in the dumps about Buddhism is the actual practice of meditating and being in the present moment. One of the reasons for this is because I have been able to touch a feeling of bliss that came from being totally aware of the present moment after meditating, but I find it difficult to get that same level of practice with my subsequent attempts. And I have been meditating everyday but I can't help but feel there is something missing with my practice. I'm not sure what it is though.
    Meditation is not about attaining a state of bliss. If you are fully aware of the experience of the present moment, you are practicing well, even if you feel like shit. Most of the time in meditation, I'm not feeling so good, lately, but I regard this development as tremendously productive.
  • naturelovernaturelover
    edited October 2010
    BlackFlag wrote: »
    Hi Nature Lover, thanks for the reply.

    In regards to the first thing that you said, yes that might be just my problem. I may have too much expectations of my meditation. But letting go of that is just so hard!
    Yes, I find letting to very hard. That's why I need mindfulness and meditation.
    Actually on that note, 'letting go' is something I don't really understand. Buddhists do not seem to equate it to ignoring the problem, so how do you let it go? I'm still trying to figure that one out.
    Yes, I do think it has to do with ignoring the problem at least for the practice of mindfulness and meditation. Sometimes time spent ignoring the problem that way makes it much simpler to solve. If not, there is always the idea of impermanence. Of course, this wouldn't apply in situations of basic survival such as food, clothing and shelter or medical needs.

    But maybe someone more experienced than me can address this.
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    edited October 2010
    One of the reasons for this is because I have been able to touch a feeling of bliss that came from being totally aware of the present moment after meditating, but I find it difficult to get that same level of practice with my subsequent attempts. And I have been meditating everyday but I can't help but feel there is something missing with my practice. I'm not sure what it is though.
    What is missing is the lack of not wanting something in particular to happen. In other words, the presence of wanting something else is what causes the unsatisfactoriness. Stop wanting something else and there is no longer unsatisfactoriness.
    I may have too much expectations of my meditation. But letting go of that is just so hard!
    ANY expectations at all, are too much. You have seen first hand that blissfulness is temporary, just like everything else. Wanting something to persist that is by it's very nature temporary, is the recipe for feeling something is missing. There is no such thing as a permanent feeling.
    Actually on that note, 'letting go' is something I don't really understand. Buddhists do not seem to equate it to ignoring the problem, so how do you let it go? I'm still trying to figure that one out.
    The same way that you let go of a passing thought when you are just breathing. You practice breaking the contact between your mind and mental object (I'm supposed to feel bliss) by just returning to the breath (or whatever the object it) thereby breaking the chain of dependent origination. When the chain is broken, the resulting unsatisfactoriness dissolves by itself. However, because of our conditioning that chain keeps healing itself and we just keep breaking it and breaking it and breaking it. The more you break it the weaker it becomes and the weaker it becomes the less unsatisfactoriness there is.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited October 2010
    You can only hold on to something (the opposite of letting go) if you are not living in this exact present moment. If you are living in the past or the future, the thing you are trying to let go of can keep hold of you. But if you are just here, right now, this exact moment, and nowhere else, it has no hold on you.

    It's not an easy thing to "get". But keep meditating!
  • BlackFlagBlackFlag
    edited October 2010
    Thank you all for the replies. It has been tremendously helpful, so far.
  • TheJourneyTheJourney
    edited October 2010
    Couple things. Meditation WILL have a positive effect on your life. I can guarantee you that. What is that effect? There are many different possibilities due to many different circumstances and variables. If you expect something you will be dissapointed. Know that meditating will be a positive thing in your life, and meditate without expectations. You'll see the results. Don't expect more than what you get, either.

    Also definitely meditate in a chair if pain is a problem. Meditation is a mental act not a physical one.
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