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How do i keep up?
okay to start off...I'm John, 19..lived most my life as a negative atheist under the dictating rule of my father and such..then after a full year of unexplained events, and many family disapointments, ive decided to practice this buddhism stuff and started on 5/2/05. after reading alot alot alot and became members of buddhist sites. I must say alot of people noticed a better change in me and ive been very happy. and most of all i want to prove it to my family. but everytime they attack me for no reason and i react ina bad way they blame buddha and judge and critize me and say "oh youre getting mad youre not a buddhist buddhist never get mad": theres a few things they dont understand.
i want to learn more and try to keep up. any advice
i want to learn more and try to keep up. any advice
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Comments
The answer lies in the question: "every time": these are opportunities to practice (not to try which may imply failure). Over and over again. Think of it like practising a bat or cue stroke, a musical phrase or a dance step.
The professional sportsperson or musician or dancer looks back at the aspects of each practice session and analyses how to do it better next time. That's all we can do, but it's more than enough if we stick at it. The Dharma is not some magic word that changes us "in the blinking of an eye", although it can function like that.
Take each event as it arises and, in considering it, bring your compassion to bear first on yourself.
Just keep on keeping on....
You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Palzang
I dont mean to make it seem like "im trying to prove anything"
just theyre not confident in me they bring me down no support.
May you find support here, Johnny.
If you want to find lists of local Buddhist groups, Google your town or district name and "Buddhism".
Though I have only gotten serious about my practice in the past few months, I can relate to the desire to be perfect at it already. Simon made an excellent point by saying to practice it. We are given multiple opportunities to show kindness and compassion to others every day.
Here is a suggestion for you. At the end of your day, figure out what you did better that day than the day before. Families can be critical, and it is natural to want their approval. But in the end, it is your practice, not theirs. Learning to find out what you have done better on a given day will show you progress. One of the toughest things for me is not to be a smart aleck. I have a remark for everything. I'm trying to cut it down slowly, along with the swearing.
Just a suggestion. Don't talk about your practice with your family. Come here and talk about it. We'd love to hear about it. And since your ahead of me by a few months, I could learn from you. Actually, we all learn from each other if we look for it.
And welcome to the site.
Practice patience in supermarket queues or on crowded pavements.
Practice benevolence wherever you can.
Don't push, don't jostle yourself. It will arise because it is all there, in you, just waiting for the channels to open. Once the pipeline of compassion is fully flowing, there is no effort.
I can relate. My brother-in-law said I wasn't Buddhist because I have possessions and Buddhists are supposed to not be materialistic at all according to him. And others have said I am not Buddhist because I'm not vegetarian which they think is a requirement. And the list goes on.
Personally, I don't know why some people try so hard to prove that another person is not a member of a certain religion - one which they don't belong to and know so little about. I only know from my personal experience, but it tends to happen more with minority religions I think. Afterall, as a Christian I was never told I wasn't a Christian because I didn't give a tenth of my income away or got mad or anything like that. But I've been told repeatedly that I'm not an atheist or Buddhist. And I've heard of people saying similar things to Wiccans and even Jews. I think, both on a family and societal level it's a form of denial. The family denies that you're Buddhist becomes they don't want to have to deal with you having different beliefs than them - they might think they failed to bring you up right. From a societal perspective, acknowledging that people have different beliefs means that their views of an overwhelmingly homogenous culture and national identity is flawed. Here in America, people have to realize that it's not a "Christian nation" and that being a patriotic American does not mean being a Christian. I think it's especially hard for those of us that are part of minority religions/beliefs but who are just really nice, pleasant people. Afterall, many Christians here want to believe that all atheists are bad, mean, unhappy people. Acknowledging me as an atheist - a perky, sweet girl - means breaking strong stereotypes that they use as a basis of many of their beliefs.
The majority (whether in a society or family) wants everyone to count as part of their group. That way they have more power or at least seems so. Unless, of course, in case you're really embarrassment. I have heard some Christians say things like, "[insert really evil people here] aren't really Christians."
So, maybe you should feel honored that your family doesn't want to see you as a Buddhist? Probably won't make you feel better, but who knows, it might.
I am 100% convinced that you are a sweet, kind, girl who happens to be a Buddhist and an atheist. People at work have a hard time with me being a nice middle aged man (or is 40 still not middle aged) who happens to be an agnostic and one who is studying to become a Buddhist (taking the precepts in June). It freaks them out since they have to think about these things. People like to have some minister think out their religion for them. After I get done on the board here, I'm going to shoot an email to the guiding teacher of my temple and question him on his dharma talk this morning. It will be respectful, but I want some points clarified as I am openly agnostic at my temple.
The whole labels thing by the way is a simplification process. I could give a long list of things that I could be labelled as and it wouldn't tell you that much about me. In the end, it's going to matter a whole lot more to me how I lived my life.
Johnny,
That brings me to the point of my post. You have to live with you for the next 50-70 years. Make sure you like what you see staring back at yourself in the mirror. Do your best to practice what you're learning and you will get better at it. Luckily, I only live with one other person and they don't judge my sincerity about my faith by my screw ups. They see that I meditate, chant, and try to be kind to others. Even when by most people's thinking I should be giving them what for, I still try to be kind. Just try to take things one day at a time. In a year or two, hopefully your family will see the changes your feeling now. Don't try and proseletyze them. Just live your life. It takes guts to be different, but if you stick with it, you'll know you made the right decision in the end.
Thanks
Another problem im having is that besides all the goods it brought me and me bringing out all the good, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, when i feel i failed i quit everything its like my day is ruined
is there a way i can rid this problem????
Johnny,
You may or may not know this, but the Buddha spent 6 years of intense practice known as asceticism before he became enlightened. He found that it didn't work. He sat down under the Bodhi tree and refused to get up until he was enlightened. How does this apply to us today.
Most people don't have that kind of enlightenment. It seems to me to be a more gradual progression. So when you goof up, try again the next day. That's all you can do. When I meditate and "the monkey mind" starts its chattering, I don't say "Meditation doesn't work therefore I shall never do it again". I refocus my mind on my breathing and keep trying. It really is worth the effort. That's my 2 cents worth.