Paradox of Identity, Status and Buddhism

normalname

Throughout human history, men and women have signaled status in innumerable ways in order to mate, establish themselves in the hierarchy of life, get ahead in business (or stone wheel making, whatever).

Heck, animals have evolved to signal status and fitness and mate-ability in innumerable ways.

Quite clearly, projecting our ego with clothes or cars or possessions is antithetical to Buddhism as many would understand it.

And yet... and yet... can we *really* opt out of this 'game'? Can we really disarm and announce,in effect, "I don't care about my clothes, my hair, my possessions, my body, because I am not really "I", or clinging to those things is futile or..."

I might posit that doing so - opting out - might even be in fact as big an ego game as playing the game. In essence, we establish ourselves as "beyond the game" with the potential of thinking deep down we are "better than those who play it."

Might it not be actually less ego bound to SEEM to play this game? To actually adopt a middle way of going along with the crowd, wearing just-almost-right-enough clothing, or maintaining just stylish enough hair in effect as MORE ego-abnegating than pure rejection of these things?

I have a bit of a corollary to this. I was walking in a different part of NYC than I am used to, a very, very busy part, i was focusing on being "Buddhist" - courteous, unaggressive, helpful - when I noticed something: I was causing collision after collision with people, a zone of minor chaos - because I was doing the unexpected thing. I snapped out of it, got all NYC, aggressive, fast, territorial - and things got peaceful again, quickly.

Life. It never fails to evade me!

Nirvana

O Very Young Man, my answer to your endearing and interesting post is Cat Steven's song.

It speaks of all that really matters.

(The words of the video are sometimes off what the Cat is singing, but these "mistakes" seem to improve the mystical tone of the piece. For "is," be sure to understand "this" as in "this time," at least once.)

Much Metta and many thanks for your concluding lines. They really brought me back a few decades.

ShiftPlusOne

I generally don't care about my clothing, but that causes some problems when it comes to the ol' relationship with the gf. Also, whenever I have to do a formal presentation, I see no problem with the suit and tie. A uniform for work is required, but I don't care much for it, so I get question from other staff about how I can get away with wearing non-work shoes and not tucking my shirt in or wearing a name tag. I think I am somewhere in the middle. I don't care about how others will perceive me, but I do whatever I need to do to meet the social requirements.

TheJourney

If you do it because you think you're better than others, you're right. It's possible to not play the game without a false sense of superiority, though.

Nirvana

BTW, it's also possible just to do these things because you truly enjoy them for yourself unto yourself. Hey, no rule that you have to mortify the flesh. I believe that's medieval Christianity.

Clothes that caress you when no one else will (nice and soft),
pleasant colognes to make your days more confident around the sweaty hordes (They say Muhammed was mad about Rose.)
The feel and fragrance of hair tonic.
The sensual enjoyment of a fragrant shave with sandalwood shave cream.
Enjoying the intricacies of the many pockets of a sporty Orvis jacket, a friend for life if you take care...

Identity and Status are mostly in the mind. Actually, as the song goes, in the desert you can't remember your name, cuz there ain't no one for to give you no blame. You only actually need identity (ego) and status for self-defense or justification.

unsui

I think there are two questions you could ask yourself:

1. What is your intention in "playing the game"?
2. Are you attached to "playing the game"?

If you're "playing the game" to gratify your ego, to have more and better things, then that's something you may need to address. However, if you're doing these things because that's how you improve your station in life, which helps your family live more comfortably and gives you the ability to give back (spare money to donate to causes, free time to volunteer for charitable causes, etc.) then I think it would be acceptable.

If you're "playing the game" because you simply must have the latest fashion/gadget/etc., that you feel you life is incomplete without "the game", then that's something you may need to address. However, if you "play the game" with wholesome intentions, and you really have no investment in them other than as a means to help others, then I think it would be acceptable.

Also keep in mind "The Middle Way." Avoid extremes.

But that's just my opinion...take it for what it's worth.

Ficus_religiosa

As for the feeling of being "better" for not "playing the game", I think the easiest thing is to just recognize other people as individuals with their own wishes and needs and habits, going about trying to get a good life for themselves - just as you do

seeker242

And yet... and yet... can we *really* opt out of this 'game'? Can we really disarm and announce,in effect, "I don't care about my clothes, my hair, my possessions, my body, because I am not really "I", or clinging to those things is futile or..."

Yes.

I might posit that doing so - opting out - might even be in fact as big an ego game as playing the game. In essence, we establish ourselves as "beyond the game" with the potential of thinking deep down we are "better than those who play it."

No because "beyond the game" is just another game. Truly opting out means there is no before, middle or beyond and no game with nothing to play. To be playing the "game" of "opting out" one could correctly call that "wrong view".

filosophia

I think you are right about the 'middle path' after all think how silly it would be for a wealthy man with a big house to suddenly give up everything and live in the woods: if he maintains then that is good but most often he will change his mind again. In other words, don't fluctuate between extremes, rather, picking a middle path is more wise.

As for your comments on NYC, well some people are just easily shocked, they have to warm up gradually to Buddhist views.