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Job aversion and what to do?
I work 20-30 hours/week in retail. I despise it mainly because I am aging, in the top 10 oldest people there by decades, and simply cannot work as hard, fast, and relentlessly as the mostly young adult other workers. (Thankfully, my boss does not pressure me, but I get it from others, and myself, to speed up my productivity.) The demands are relentless. It feels like being on an electric treadmill at a moderate speed and I cannot get off it from the time I walk in the door until I leave. Sometimes someone will catch me walking across the parking lot and put me to work. I work in the back office mostly, doing administrative functions. Work comes in by phone, email, and people standing by my desk. Sometimes this is all going on at the same time and often they all want their work done with the highest priority.
A second problem is RETAIL. I personally don't sell, but I support the industry of tanha. My company would cease to exist if not for the study and profits of applied theories of tanha. I sometimes overhear the conversations of those who walk the store every day, taking notes, and then meeting to discuss every nuance of how to create craving and buying behavior, and the cycle of addiction that brings them back to do it again and again.
Why not just quit? Same as most everyone else. Money. I have been looking for other work for over 2 years and there is nothing, very likely age discrimination is a part of this. I am nearly 60 and while extremely reliable and trustworthy, I just can't move and think as fast as a 25 year old, so right or wrong, discrimination could be a rational business decision.
I have tried to apply the practices to work. I work intentionally slow and mindfully when distressed (most of the time). All this does is let the in-basket of work pile higher.
I convinced my boss to hire another person to help out part time. She is great, but there is still more work than the two of us can do and the pile grows.
I have a small pension from a previous job. It is possibly enough to live on, in poverty. I think I could/would be happy doing so. I have few material wants/needs, but my spouse is, and always has been, chronically anxious about money. She is willing to work her ass off, come home exhausted, eat, meditate, and go to bed. Mostly, as far as I can tell, so she can watch our savings account slowly grow towards some unknown goal. Any attempt to discuss this quickly turns unhappy - a most unmindful and unskillful situation.
I simply want a better life than that for my remaining years.
A second problem is RETAIL. I personally don't sell, but I support the industry of tanha. My company would cease to exist if not for the study and profits of applied theories of tanha. I sometimes overhear the conversations of those who walk the store every day, taking notes, and then meeting to discuss every nuance of how to create craving and buying behavior, and the cycle of addiction that brings them back to do it again and again.
Why not just quit? Same as most everyone else. Money. I have been looking for other work for over 2 years and there is nothing, very likely age discrimination is a part of this. I am nearly 60 and while extremely reliable and trustworthy, I just can't move and think as fast as a 25 year old, so right or wrong, discrimination could be a rational business decision.
I have tried to apply the practices to work. I work intentionally slow and mindfully when distressed (most of the time). All this does is let the in-basket of work pile higher.
I convinced my boss to hire another person to help out part time. She is great, but there is still more work than the two of us can do and the pile grows.
I have a small pension from a previous job. It is possibly enough to live on, in poverty. I think I could/would be happy doing so. I have few material wants/needs, but my spouse is, and always has been, chronically anxious about money. She is willing to work her ass off, come home exhausted, eat, meditate, and go to bed. Mostly, as far as I can tell, so she can watch our savings account slowly grow towards some unknown goal. Any attempt to discuss this quickly turns unhappy - a most unmindful and unskillful situation.
I simply want a better life than that for my remaining years.
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Comments
The stress really bothered me, and I started noticing a pattern. Those days where I dwelled on the problems were the days I performed the worst, and would come home hating my life. Those days when I just went to work, and did the work without a running mental commentary, were the days I performed the best and felt good about what I was doing. I could keep my energy and optimism.
The buddhist idea of detachment was really applicable for me. I can perform my work with care and attention, but if I get obsessed about the results, it actually interferes with productivity and causes suffering. As Alan Watts says, work should be a dance. If you've ever seen the movie "The Samurai" with Tom Cruise, it's only when he lets go of all his other thoughts that allows him to master the way of the sword. Detachment is so important for our mental well-being. Hope this helps a little.
It's tough having a job you dread (been there, done that). I wish you the best with whatever happens...
I say continue looking for a new job...
Also what about opening some kind of part-time business?
I have tried DIY, an online shop that was doing ok, but at the end of the day, I was making about minimum wage. Also tried doing web pages for small businesses. The fees were good, but the demands of the clients were too much. I would rather be a wage slave where I can go home at the end of the day than have clients calling, emailing, 24/7.
Best yet would be retire and do volunteer work. But the spouse really likes the extra $$$. I am thinking this might a good thing to have a 3-way talk with my Buddhist psychotherapist about.
I used to overthink my job and obviously, there's no meaning, no sense of accomplishment if you think about it as a whole. You can't change that and there aren't many workplaces which work for the best interest of others. Even things like the Red Cross have dark aspects.
Make the most of everyday interactions you have with people and practice loving kindness. Find the root of why you're so unhappy with your workplace.
I don't think it's the workplace that's making you unhappy, I think it's your perception of it. You'd know better though.
The younger may have the energy, but too many lack work ETHICS. This is what I have, that they don't. But it's been instilled into them by this "What's in it for me"? society.
I merely give an example to the opposite scale.
Then stop pressuring yourself.
Nobody ever died saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office...."
Have this sign printed up:
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an Emergency on mine." It's subtle, to the point - and works wonders.
That's not your problem.
Your problem is to live Skilfully and to Act Mindfully.
It's wrong and it's also (In the UK) against the Law. if you find any evidence of this, you can take action.
If you're still working at 60, then you're deemed to still be employable. if you earn a salary, it's a given that you have the right to work.
If something comes into the in-basket, then it's because you have let it.
You're not doing something "Right". What is it?
That's your boss' problem. Not yours.
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Then that's her problem to deal with.
Seems to me you're taking on everyone else's problems and making them yours.
What could you do about that?
(Think 'detachment'....why did you call yourself 'letitgo' exactly?)
If that's her choice, what's your gripe, exactly?
Then don't discuss it. Say, "We have discussed this so many times, to no avail. I think the best solution would be for both of us to do what makes us truly happy, and be happy for each other."
You talk as if those 'remaining years' are guaranteed.
you have that as solid fact, do you?
If not - say it would all end next week - what would you change right NOW?
I understand!
Especially, with the whole "working the wage slave and coming home after 8 hour days, compared to working even after regular 9-5 for your own biz.
What about two part time jobs?
Great stuff here!:)
You have a clear and concise POV. I know it is MY problem. I have a stress/anxiety problem that decades of therapy, meds have not helped. I have now begun meditation for about 18 months. That has helped.
I am admittedly rather "thin skinned" and take things too personally - personal expectations, other's expectations/demands, etc.
I have a Buddhist psychotherapist I have set aside for now. It may be time to set a new appointment...
I used to have a 2IC that would make my workplace hell. When I was new, I really tried doing my best. One one side, the managers wanted to give me more shifts and gave me a bit of slack about little things (like wearing the wrong shoes and what-not). On the other hand, I'd have to deal with the 2IC's poor management skills. Eventually, I couldn't be bothered with all of that.
So, what changed? Well, nothing. I stopped stressing and the workplace became much more bearable , but everything else stayed the same. The 2IC is still a pain, but it doesn't bother me... 'cause I simply don't care.
Like I said, find the source of your anxiety... chances are it doesn't have to be there.
That is incredibly profound advice for you, letitgo. If you can make a go of a very simple life on the pension and spend it meditating without either you or your spouse starving, I would advise you to do so. Don't live your life at someone else's behest. If she can't respect what you want at this juncture, she needs to reevaluate how much you mean to her. Time is running out, as it is for all of us. Use your time well.
I got that message. That is exactly my point. "years" left to go is simply an actuarial illusion. Whatever it is left, is diminishing daily.
There are intertwined problems here.
Job stress - I am very poor at handling it. I strive (with the voice of my mother's praise still ringing in my head,) to be a "good boy" and do my best always. The trouble is in corp america your best is always the new standard from which "improvement" is expected next year. So I really do work at doing the best job possible and it is never enough. (My boss is OK with me, but my "clients", all the other store employees, always want more more more faster faster faster.) I am now finding my anxiety is turning into depression, a problem I thought I had set aside.
The other issue is spouse stress - she may have a valid point that we need the income. She does all the books and I trust her advice. We are going to have a joint review of them very soon. If we don't have enough money to deal with ordinary life and accommodate extraordinary events (like an old furnace that could burn out any time, or car repairs) then that is another stress.
This probably all looks like a simple problem with a simple solution to an outside person, but does not from inside our relationship, where it is a mess.
I think we need to 1-get a clear picture of our financials, 2-have a joint meeting with my therapist (a Buddhist practitioner, former monk).