I must say that thus far for me, no experience has been as impactful as that of heartbreak. You could say it prompted me to delve even deeper in philosophy (and subsequently buddhism) to find some peace of mind.
I was not happy to find how much it made sense that, to find true peace, forgetting the idea of romantic relationships indefinitely, might be in order.
I'm speaking as one who is not ready to give up on the idea of having a long lasting romantic relationship in the future.
I have only been in love once in my life. I have grow more peaceful since things ended a few months back but my mind still has a lot of questions. I don't want to get back to my ex, but my belief in the feasibility of a romantic partner has been severely hurt.
I have always been very romantic, very idealistic about love. I have had my first real relationship at an age where most people probably have already had some (23). It was intentional. I told myself I'd have to be in a relationship for all the right reasons, and didn't let other peoples advise and talk of sex or romance or anything else sway me. My relationship role model has been that of my parents who have been together for more than 40 years and who were each other's only long term relationship. I always wished I had something like that one day, and regarded the experiences of most people in today society's (my siblings included) with a certain sense of pity - on and off, on and off, completely irrational and being slaves to their ephemeral emotions.
My ex loved me very much, and told me I was special, even though she had had a lot more experience that I did, and had been in several long term relationships. She even spoke of how much the thought of having a baby with me made her happy. She has recently moved on and has a new boyfriend. She has always been honest with me but I'm still shocked at how fast she moved on.
I care for her immensely but I know we weren't right for each other despite our deep love. You could say that I was the catalyst of the break up, even though it hurt me terribly - I knew we would never be happy together in the long term due to a lot of context which I don't feel like sharing here. No regrets, we did the right thing as she eventually agreed.
She told me I need to open my heart to love again, since I've been depressed ever since I learned of her new boyfriend. I don't act or say much, but we kept in touch just to check up on one another. She moved on. But how?
My issue is not with her, but with human nature. She was just as attached as I was I think, and yet she leads her life without ever looking back. I think she isn't very skilled, because she doesn't learn with her mistakes....but she does have a big heart. She would never hurt anyone intentionally.
The question that keeps bugging me is, what is the point? What is the point of being in a romantic relationship if nothing is sacred to it? How can I ever expect to have kids and raise them in a healthy and durable environment, if relationships are so fragile no matter how deeply in love people might be?
How can she have moved on, and I'm still hurting? Are these people that are in and out of relationships again and again doing nothing wrong, and I'm the fool for putting so much weight into it?
What advice in the light of buddhism would you guys have for me? How should I view romantic relationships? What should I want for me, and what is asking too much? I'm not a co-dependent fool, I can assure you. I'm very independent and have good self-esteem.
I want the suffering associated with this to end, but at the same time I recognize I'll never be fully realized without a relationship. But make no mistake - I'm quite wary of rebound relationships or "looking" for love again. I don't look for love. I probably won't want it for a very long time and I'm at peace with that. I think my ex can't bear to be alone for long, but that's not me. I just want to believe I can build a long lasting romantic relationship in the future, with someone better suited for me (and I her), and while there might be no secret formulas, there is a perspective that might help me.
Thanks for reading my long pathetic rant.