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Parenting Philosophy
ajani_mgo
Veteran
I know I'm a little too young on this, but one of my greatest goals in this life is to become a great father, so how do I go about doing it in the future?
Personally I have a few points now, but I don't know if it is reliable. Some questions, too.
First, no scolding, totally. Even if my child does the most dastardly deed he will still not be scolded but instead, a heart-to-heart talk + some tricks of human psychology. How possible is it?
Second, the meaning of life. I believe my child will have a right to beliefs, but is it alright to impart some Buddhism to him or her when he or she is still a child? And how should you go about doing it?
Third, morals. My moral system was built via the Taoist threats of Heaven and Hell... To me now my explanation of morals is that this world is built in such a way that if you are immoral and selfish, no one is gonna like you and help you. And then a little harp on interconnectedness and there I have justified my moral systems. But my moral system is very, very flexible, as most who know me personally, know it, though.
Fourth, the reality of life. At when should a kid learn about death, impernamence and the truths of life? Well, maybe they will realize such stuff themselves, but I think it'd be best if they receive some help.
Five, NO SPANKING. I don't really have much wish to let my child go through what I've been so this is a no-no.
Six, cognition. A child has to grow up and become well, sorta independent one day. Do you force him to learn by himself (like I did, through a combination of very weird events in my life that shaped me now) or do you guide him along, with the risk of him or her thinking that you'll always be there to help?
:tonguec: I'm too young, I know. Don't reply if you don't fancy
Personally I have a few points now, but I don't know if it is reliable. Some questions, too.
First, no scolding, totally. Even if my child does the most dastardly deed he will still not be scolded but instead, a heart-to-heart talk + some tricks of human psychology. How possible is it?
Second, the meaning of life. I believe my child will have a right to beliefs, but is it alright to impart some Buddhism to him or her when he or she is still a child? And how should you go about doing it?
Third, morals. My moral system was built via the Taoist threats of Heaven and Hell... To me now my explanation of morals is that this world is built in such a way that if you are immoral and selfish, no one is gonna like you and help you. And then a little harp on interconnectedness and there I have justified my moral systems. But my moral system is very, very flexible, as most who know me personally, know it, though.
Fourth, the reality of life. At when should a kid learn about death, impernamence and the truths of life? Well, maybe they will realize such stuff themselves, but I think it'd be best if they receive some help.
Five, NO SPANKING. I don't really have much wish to let my child go through what I've been so this is a no-no.
Six, cognition. A child has to grow up and become well, sorta independent one day. Do you force him to learn by himself (like I did, through a combination of very weird events in my life that shaped me now) or do you guide him along, with the risk of him or her thinking that you'll always be there to help?
:tonguec: I'm too young, I know. Don't reply if you don't fancy
0
Comments
First of all..everyone says the same thing at first."I will be a good father","I will take care of the family","I will never hit my children".But how sure are we that the same things can happen.Look at me,I look at my parents always fighting,over any small thing.For example,once my sister did not eat,so my father made a joke.Poof,A massive fight occured.My grandparents(Bless them) were called in and my mother threatened to leave the house.
I remember when I was young,my mother threatened to hurt herself.I was only Primary One or Kindergarden I think.It took the combined efforts of me and my father to stop her.And I am not lying when I say that tears are falling as I think back to all those things.But this is not the point.
My point is,surely at some point of time,as parents look into the sweet face of their baby,thier heart wil go soft,they will think"I will never ever try to hurt my child".I bet my parents and your parents think of that at one point of time.But the thing is,do they really live up to it?Once again,i do not want people to have the misconception that I am putting the blame on them.
I am just saying that,yes,we can make all these promises now.but are we in a position to do so?We have not been put in the situation of our parents.look at your father from a view of someone who comes home so tired from work only to be faced with monetary problems and bills.Our E maths paper is enough of a headache for us,theirs is worse.
Look at your mother from a point of a women who struggles to hold the family together.Soemone who is the head while the lion goes looking for money for the family.And here we are just sitting in our house seeing their actions and only taking thier mistakes.
Yes,we can learn from their mistakes,but how sure are you that you keep to this promises.Don;t tell me that you can straight away exhibit this skills just as you are thrown into the whirlwind of family life.Go to work,STRESS,go home see your child,More STRESS.I shudder to think how my parents cope.Lets applaud them shall we?
Sorry if this post have offended anyone,and if it does,please feel free to tell me or just remove it.Thank you.
"May Your faith in your religion and yourself remain un wavering"
-Ar.Aid
That's a good point.
It's easy to say (and I mean this in a kind way) that when I become a parent, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. But, it's not that easy.
When they're tiny and sick and can't tell you what's wrong with them and they're crying and you don't know what the heck to do to make them feel better - but they just keep on crying - it can be tough. Especially with everything else going on in your world - bad job, mean boss, etc.
The thing I tell my friends who are just having children is: enjoy them when they're little as much as you can. Because pretty soon they're going to grow up (much faster than you think) and they won't want to be held by Mommy or Daddy. They're going to zoom off into life and you'll wish you spent more time with them in each of their little stages.
There are few things more wonderful than experiencing the world all over again through the eyes of a child.
-bf
BF
Well said.
Strange, isn't it, that we work really hard to give our children an education that will enable them to think for themselves and then get annoyed when they do?
No need, to quote, for the nth time, the wise words of Gibran.
"Being a parent is a thankless task."
Can you imagine the newspaper Job advertisement?
"Wanted. Young person or couple to care for small but ever-growing infant. Must clothe, feed, educate, take care of, and raise said infant. No salary. No holidays. No overtime. 24hr shifts common. Must also provide taxi service, expenses, occasional food and shelter for said infant's peers. Sense of humour essential. Nerves of steel and patience of a Saint highly adviseable. Tether* of unlimited length recommended. Full quotient of marbles useful, but this amount will probably decrease over time. Those believing that parenthood is a doddle and that the rewards ALWAYS outweigh the sacrifices, need not apply......."
I hear many kids of today moaning about their parents, but all too rarely does the cry 'My parents are utterly brilliant!' go up.....
(*My mother always said: "When you've reached the end of your tether, tie a knot in it - and hang on -!!")
I feel so guilty reading your post.i have to agree,sometimes as a child,I rarely go up to my parents to say Thanks.I had always believed,no matter how angry I am,even to the extent of cursing them,I wll still realise that they were the ones who brought me to this world.
As a child,i had always thought that I had the worse parents.That was until my mother gave me a heart to heart talk.I cried the whole day.The power of your parents.She help me wake myself out.
So,To all parents out there,no matter who you are,THANK YOU!
"My Parents are brilliant.Your parents are brilliant.Why?Cause they brought brilliant people like us into this world!"
To Ajani,
I know you will become a great father one day.Don't worry,I shall be a good godfather to your child.:vimp:
"May your faith in your religion and yourself remain unwavering"
-Ar.Aid