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Is It a Coincidence
ThailandTom
Veteran
That seeing as I have finally begun to properly detach from a person and to let go of her, what social anxiety I seemed to have has disappeared? I did not make any link to my social anxiety and her, I never had it when I was with her, but could it be linked in some way?
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Comments
Turns out I later found out, I wasn't over my ex, and had to stop dating the girl I had met. I think the lesson I learned was that I shouldn't force a connection. I wanted to get to know the new girl too fast so we could just become boyfriend and girlfriend already.
That's how I now know I was misguided and fooling myself. I was trying to take things fast because I was beginning to think I needed a relationship to be happy after having been so happy with my ex. But you can't force such things.
So yeah, I lost some social anxiety. I felt I was on top of things. But it really only was an inflated ego that wanted to consume more for validation.
The number one thing that has been bringing me peace is working on other areas of my life and....FRIENDS. Just make sure you get as much contact as possible with friends. I am in a period of my life where I have a lot of time to think about stuff since I'm unemployed. Try to force social interaction as much as possible. Don't go to clubs to cloud the mind with girls and hedonism (lol, I sound like a priest)....but go out with friends and talk and live. Your subconscious will do a lot of house cleaning on its own if you are entertained with good friends.
I have found that the way I interact with people has been constantly changing throughout the time since I found the Buddha's teachings. It's because of how I view self and other and stuff. For example, yesterday I thought of the words "it's like we're all the same person living different lives." And these view changes definitely change how we act, IF we have a clear mind and don't just go to default habits. I can't really answer your question. I would say maybe yes and maybe no hahaha. One thing I have learned though is that I really can't trust my mind's judgment too much. And it's strange, because I KNOW that, but my mind keeps acting as if it knows what it's doing! Idk how to explain, but basically we can't really be sure about anything. Although one time I was thinking about this and I thought I found some exceptions.
But man. I gotta tell you, the best thing I've found for ME when I'm caught up in stuff like thinking about girls (lately I'm having problems controlling myself in my dreams. I made a girl take her shirt off with jedi-style hand signals. also in another dream i was crawling on the ground looking for a dog to fuck), and I think, "shit, i've made all this effort and yeah I can see it paying off but damn I still have to deal with this shit, and it's tough, and I don't know how!", (run-on sentence sorry) has been just realizing that it's just simple, I just have to endure that shit, that's life. It really does help. It's an attitude change, idk if I can describe it well, but it's like, it's not a hurry to try to solve these problems we have. It's just really accepting that this shit is confusing, we don't know how much is our fault, we can't change the past, and we just gotta stay on the path and move forward from here. We don't have to try to race down the path. Just stay on it, patiently. And try to appreciate our experience a little.
I didn't really organize that paragraph very well, but I wanted to contribute some thoughts. Don't judge me cuz of my dog dream lmao, I really don't know where that came from, and feel lucky I didn't tell you how it ended HAHAHA!!!
It might have something to do with it. People have expectations of you when you are in a romantic relationship. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming.