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Help Requested! (Relating to negativity)
Hello peoples 
I was thinking this morning, about myself, and reasons for the way I am/feel. I guess its all tied into how people have treated me in the past, and people I have known etc. This is reffering to depressive thoughts, and general unhappiness. Do you guys have any ideas, of how I can 'let go' of these things, in order to help me move on, and progress further in life?
I was thinking this morning, about myself, and reasons for the way I am/feel. I guess its all tied into how people have treated me in the past, and people I have known etc. This is reffering to depressive thoughts, and general unhappiness. Do you guys have any ideas, of how I can 'let go' of these things, in order to help me move on, and progress further in life?
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Comments
I think the answer is in the title:)
Negativity and its interdependence is Dukka, and I seem to remember a very great man one told of a path to get rid of that, but ultimately you have to help yourself!
namaste
Too busy complaining about stuff...
You know it;)
The negativity stays with you even though you try to fight it. Why would that be?
But how do you mean it stays with me, surely if you can trace the problems back, you can put them to rest?
You might want to see how the defilements emerge. Starting with ignorance, then aversion and greed and so on. If you wanted a crash course to reduce the Neg then this might be a palce to start. But without understanding the dharmic context of interdependent causation it will seem a bit "self-helpy":)
You might find you take yourself and your problems too seriously, too;)
Nothing posses importance.
Yes, it's really about that simple ... and that difficult!
You see, you think of these thoughts as something that need to be "fixed". And this is actually what causes you to fixate on them. Acknowledge them, then let them go. They will come back. Acknowledge them, then let them go. It is a form of retraining. You stop rewarding the thoughts by latching onto them.
If you are going to run any "story line", instead of going "Oh, this is so negative!", just remind yourself that this is part of the First Noble Truth ... it is a form of suffering, suffering exists, and the answer is not to expect that suffering will cease to exist, but instead to open up to everything and allow it to "be" without getting hooked by it.
In psychology, when we are trying to eradicate a behavior by stopping the rewards, initially the behavior occurs at a greater rate than before .. this is called "the extinction response", so don't be alarmed if at first if seems to be "worse" than before. Just continue to let it be without attempting to do anything with it ... anything. Don't attend to it more than just to acknowledge it, don't try push it away. It will at some point (in behavior modification, usually about 2 weeks) start to diminish.
In some ways, it is exactly like when you hurt yourself and the hurt lasts for days. You just put up with it ... The Buddha promised there'd be days like this!
What kind of depressive thoughts? Are they anger, sadness, lack of self confidence? Anxiety? Etc. Detail me and I can help you fully.
Certain problems can be solved in certain ways. Not necessary taking a hammer and hammering what isn't a nail. Give me details, and I can help.
FruitPunchWizard:
Yes: All of those.
I expect to get them, given my age, but they are a lot more severe than I would expect, and Im pretty sure its down to past experiences that went undealt with, and have then been forgotten. In what ways can you help
Pick the most imminent problem, we can deal with them one-by-one.
How about the sadness then?
Do these negative qualities mean I am the worst person in the world?
How many people do I know in this world without any negative qualities?
Can I expect myself to be perfect, without any faults?
What are my positive qualities?
What good things do my close friends say about me?
What are some things I find important? (notice all these good things)
What are some things I would want to do to make the world a better place?
What qualities make a good person a good person?
Notice all these wonderful ideals you have, and how they make you as a person. Respect yourself for it.
Can I not at least help people, care about them, generate compassion?
Does not everybody have good and bad qualities?
Do I therefore have to vilify everybody in the human race for the mistakes of the few?
Why do I have to judge so hard on myself for being human, with good and bad qualities?
Can I forgive myself for all my negative qualities?
Do I believe I can improve myself, or am I an absolutely hopeless case?
I have my own inner wisdom and know what is good and bad. Therefore I can make my own decisions and handle my own problems.
Even if my problems become too overwhelming, I can always decide to ask others for advice.
Having self-confidence, I do not feel better than others, but I know I can do something by myself, and have the courage to follow my own inner wisdom.
I guess im very confused, and mentally knotted up at the moment, and it seems a bit difficult, but ill take a proper look at that, and try to put these things aside !
I started my meditation practice 5 or so years ago because I was getting sick and tired of negative thought patterns and also because I wanted to get a grip on the fact that I wasn't in a relationship and was obsessed with thoughts about wanting to be in one or what if I never got one. I found that by meditating regularly I learned to be in the present moment and to realize that it is sufficient.
I note that you seem to want to figure out why things in your life got to be the way they are. You think that something in your upbringing might have contributed. It certainly is possible, and if you want to explore this through therapy, you will likely be able to find the roots. But consider the possibility that the past does not matter to the present or to the future. You have options about how to live in the present moment. or perhaps I should say - you have options about how to mentally frame the present moment. The more you try to focus on acceptance and gratitude, the more this habit of mind will replace the negativity.
It isn't an instant fix, but I think it only took a year or so for my mindset to alter. I still occasionally have negative thoughts, but they don't last. I still sometimes feel lonely, but it passes.