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How our mind works, and anger and bitterness!

LostieLostie Veteran
edited December 2010 in Buddhism Basics
[Feel free to comment on my musings here.]

As I observe our mind and thoughts, I notice our mind works like a "connect the dots" game.

E.g. It all started when I saw a thread in a forum where the poster said he's not happy being single ---> I wrote sumthing to encourage him ---> Then I decided to turn on my MP3 player ---> Pop some nice music ---> Then this NewB forum came to mind ----> Then I decided to write sumthing
> and here I am drawing arrows.... :)

As our sense receive the signals, our mind will generate thoughts, not random thoughts but related.


So let's say you have something/someone that will trigger your anger/resentment.

Can I conclude that the best way to work with these strong emotions is to make it/him/her "out of sight, out of mind"? The less your senses receive such signals, the less gripping the feelings you had, especially as time goes by.

What if the person, say it's your boss, is someone you have to face daily. Besides the "out of sight, out of mind" method, what is the next best thing to do or not to do?

I also notice such strong emotions ( after getting triggered ) will gather momentum, peak and fade away after a couple of days.

One thing I feel aversed to is to have such fits from time to time. I feel like I am stuck in an endless loop.

So is "out of sight, out of mind" & "time" the best healers?

Pardon my loose writing. Thanks.

Comments

  • robotrobot Veteran
    edited December 2010

    So is "out of sight, out of mind" & "time" the best healers?
    I can't say for sure, but that is the method I am using this week with some emotional problems that I am having. Of course time will heal a great deal, but problems will resurface if the causes and conditions are still in place. I am working on the theory that putting time and space between me and the person at the center of my conflict will allow feelings to dissipate somewhat and false views that I am having to become corrected through meditation and contemplation. Also I hope that new attachments and delusions can be prevented by keeping contact to a minimum. Hope it works.
  • LostieLostie Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Thanks for sharing robot.

    As I re-read my penned thoughts, 2 things popped up. Attachment and Patience.

    Attachment to what the senses are telling me and not patient with myself and my practice.

    I once read in this forum we should treat our mind like a garden. Take great care of it. Be patient.

    I don't think I can pen this thread a couple of days ago with all the strong emotions. Emotions do come and go, like it or not. Is a person "happier" to get angry if he doesn't think its mindless to get angry. Absolutely not for me because I know it's not OK.

    I do wonder when the next fit will come. How to nip it at the bud when the next round comes around? Or I should just not anticipate it coz' whatever you resist, persist. :p
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited December 2010
    I recently noticed that when I am drawing a blank that what I had labled as not knowing was accompanied by a digging in of my heels on not knowing.

    As if I had the hubris to dictate that I should know. When I only know what I know. You know? ;)
  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    edited December 2010
    I think it's one of the worst, and most common, ways of dealing with problems. The aim is to manage the feeling that arise, rather than avoid them. Since cutting someone out like that takes a bit of mental effort, chances are the thoughts will come up anyway. For example, "Hey, I should go pick up some milk... but wait... what if I see Mr.Stupidface? He buys his milk there.... grrr, I hate that guy."
  • LostieLostie Veteran
    edited December 2010
    LOL!

    I'd also prefer the more courageous method. Face it head on.

    Time to chat up with Mr. Stupidface.
    ShiftPlusOne wrote: »
    I think it's one of the worst, and most common, ways of dealing with problems. The aim is to manage the feeling that arise, rather than avoid them. Since cutting someone out like that takes a bit of mental effort, chances are the thoughts will come up anyway. For example, "Hey, I should go pick up some milk... but wait... what if I see Mr.Stupidface? He buys his milk there.... grrr, I hate that guy."
  • TomboTombo
    edited December 2010
    ShiftPlusOne wrote: »
    I think it's one of the worst, and most common, ways of dealing with problems. The aim is to manage the feeling that arise, rather than avoid them. Since cutting someone out like that takes a bit of mental effort, chances are the thoughts will come up anyway. For example, "Hey, I should go pick up some milk... but wait... what if I see Mr.Stupidface? He buys his milk there.... grrr, I hate that guy."

    No way!

    YOU KNOW MR. STUPIDFACE TOO?!?

    Small world! :D
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Lostie wrote: »
    So is "out of sight, out of mind" & "time" the best healers?

    No. When powerful emotions arise, it's best to go right into them, fully experience them, and open to them.
  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Lol, I am sure many of us know a Mr. Stupidface.
  • InmostLightInmostLight
    edited December 2010
    I second ShiftPlusOne... to a degree :). There are going to be situations where something happens unexpectedly, and avoiding the situation by keeping your thoughts away from it may be the best way of dealing with it. Ideally, it would be best to face a situation and remain unmoved by it, but not everybody is at that level.

    To me, I would try to face it. If it's overwhelming and you feel it definitely will mentally harm you, then avoid it. Just do it knowing that avoiding it is counterproductive to what you're trying to eventually obtain in these kinds of situations.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited December 2010
    fivebells wrote: »
    No. When powerful emotions arise, it's best to go right into them, fully experience them, and open to them.

    Mindfulness.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Here's my stupid face :cool:
  • LostieLostie Veteran
    OK A week past. I notice once the peak (ie the height of anger fit) is passed, and as things subsided, you don't feel like getting angry anymore even if you want to.

    But what would cause the wave to rise again? Because right now when I am now thinking of those "thoughts which made me angry", I couldn't get all tensed up and emotional.

    So what's the trigger for such fits (again and again)? Maybe only I know, but in a subconscious way?



  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    My girlfriend has cut a couple of people out of her life. She kept going on about how much she hated them and how angry they made her. I told her she shouldn't latch onto these things and move on. Eventually she unblocked one of these people on MSN and had a couple of chats.

    She hasn't mentioned it since.

    So, cutting people out by brute force doesn't work. If there is nothing to keep a friendship going, it's going to die naturally and you'll be at peace when it does. It might only take one conversation.

    What are you doing that's preventing you from letting go? Do you want revenge? Do you expect an apology? Do you want them to understand how they made you feel? What is it?
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