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Buddhism... and My Introduction
MindGate
United States Veteran
Hello everyone, again. Sorry for the word wall, but I'll put all the info I want you to know in this single thread.
Well, I don't think I really introduced myself here yet, even though I think I've been here a week.
My name is Jarred and I live in mildly rural Pennsylvania. I'm currently just a high school student hoping to do something good in the world, make a difference. I really don't hang out with friends, only my girlfriend who I am extremely devoted to. My dream has always been to be a modern day Socrates, just to make people think, to question everything.
I was raised in a Christian family and became a very Christian child. Though, when I entered middle school I began questioning my beliefs and through a long series of events, lost them. I lost absolutely ALL beliefs in Christianity whatsoever now. For a long time now I've been studying religions far and wide trying to find the truth. Buddhism just seems to hold to my beliefs the most and its beginning to grow on me.
Now I just sort of feel lost now, though. Like, I don't know where I am, who I am, where I'm headed, why I'm here, or even if it matters that I am here in the first place. Life is like walking through a haze to me, a dream. Now I'm just here. I live day after day just wondering whats going to happen the next, trying to discover the truth, become enlightened.
:om:
So, now that you know a little bit about me, I hope that I don't seem too bad. I know I have my faults, but so does everybody else.
Anyways, right now I consider myself an Agnostic-Atheist and I've been wanting to become a Buddhist, but I suppose I'm scared to. I keep putting off that moment when I just decided to say, "I will do it, I'll live my life as a Buddhist." I don't know if I'm ready I guess.
Well, theres a few questions I have that I can think of right this moment.
1) Is there any form of meditation that you recommend to a beginner? I've been experimenting with just breathe-counting ones, with a little 3 candle alter and burning incense in front of me. My closest "sangha" related place is a Zendo which I have been unable to make it to yet considering, well, I can't drive (shows you how young I am..) so naturally, after talking to the priestess (right term?) of it, I have been most exposed to zazen type meditation considering a read Zen related books.
Also... I can't breathe out of my nose. I never could, for as long as I could remember. I want to go see a ENT doctor soon. I think its either polyps or a deviated septum. So I resort to breathing out from my mouth. That seems to be an issue with meditation instructions I've read.
2) How do I deal with reacting to people? Like, I just don't seem to have the willpower to act calmly in situations that I'd normally act hostile in. For example, a mean comment towards me typically means a mean and snarky comment back.
Just today I was, unknowingly, standing in front of this kids locker as I waited for Sara, my girlfriend, to put her stuff away. The kid just comes over to me and shoves me and says, "Hey, get out of the way," without even a single "Excuse me," or even a simple, "Move."!? So, as my personality permits, I shove the kid back with twice as much force and barked a "Hey, f--- you, man!" back. Its just a spur of the moment reaction. I'm trying to better myself from complaining so much and being such a, well, a-hole. Thats just how I am, how my parents are. But I don't know how to stop this bitter instant reactions. Care to help me on that?
3) And, last, how will I know when I feel Buddhism is absolutely right for me, that thats the path I want to live my life? Its just, I dunno, hard for me to do. I don't know if its fear, laziness, confusion, doubt, or what. Maybe a mix of all of those.
Thanks again for reading.
Peace be with you.
Well, I don't think I really introduced myself here yet, even though I think I've been here a week.
My name is Jarred and I live in mildly rural Pennsylvania. I'm currently just a high school student hoping to do something good in the world, make a difference. I really don't hang out with friends, only my girlfriend who I am extremely devoted to. My dream has always been to be a modern day Socrates, just to make people think, to question everything.
I was raised in a Christian family and became a very Christian child. Though, when I entered middle school I began questioning my beliefs and through a long series of events, lost them. I lost absolutely ALL beliefs in Christianity whatsoever now. For a long time now I've been studying religions far and wide trying to find the truth. Buddhism just seems to hold to my beliefs the most and its beginning to grow on me.
Now I just sort of feel lost now, though. Like, I don't know where I am, who I am, where I'm headed, why I'm here, or even if it matters that I am here in the first place. Life is like walking through a haze to me, a dream. Now I'm just here. I live day after day just wondering whats going to happen the next, trying to discover the truth, become enlightened.
:om:
So, now that you know a little bit about me, I hope that I don't seem too bad. I know I have my faults, but so does everybody else.
Anyways, right now I consider myself an Agnostic-Atheist and I've been wanting to become a Buddhist, but I suppose I'm scared to. I keep putting off that moment when I just decided to say, "I will do it, I'll live my life as a Buddhist." I don't know if I'm ready I guess.
Well, theres a few questions I have that I can think of right this moment.
1) Is there any form of meditation that you recommend to a beginner? I've been experimenting with just breathe-counting ones, with a little 3 candle alter and burning incense in front of me. My closest "sangha" related place is a Zendo which I have been unable to make it to yet considering, well, I can't drive (shows you how young I am..) so naturally, after talking to the priestess (right term?) of it, I have been most exposed to zazen type meditation considering a read Zen related books.
Also... I can't breathe out of my nose. I never could, for as long as I could remember. I want to go see a ENT doctor soon. I think its either polyps or a deviated septum. So I resort to breathing out from my mouth. That seems to be an issue with meditation instructions I've read.
2) How do I deal with reacting to people? Like, I just don't seem to have the willpower to act calmly in situations that I'd normally act hostile in. For example, a mean comment towards me typically means a mean and snarky comment back.
Just today I was, unknowingly, standing in front of this kids locker as I waited for Sara, my girlfriend, to put her stuff away. The kid just comes over to me and shoves me and says, "Hey, get out of the way," without even a single "Excuse me," or even a simple, "Move."!? So, as my personality permits, I shove the kid back with twice as much force and barked a "Hey, f--- you, man!" back. Its just a spur of the moment reaction. I'm trying to better myself from complaining so much and being such a, well, a-hole. Thats just how I am, how my parents are. But I don't know how to stop this bitter instant reactions. Care to help me on that?
3) And, last, how will I know when I feel Buddhism is absolutely right for me, that thats the path I want to live my life? Its just, I dunno, hard for me to do. I don't know if its fear, laziness, confusion, doubt, or what. Maybe a mix of all of those.
Thanks again for reading.
Peace be with you.
0
Comments
It's about practicing Buddhism.
Remember that.
Be careful with that.
Attachment is a bummer..... Given that you are confused about your sense of direction, I'd forget about this and focus on finding yourself, first.
Baby steps, hun, baby steps.... That's the same way an awful lot of us got to where we are now, so, join the club!
This is what's known as a plateau.... you've reached this level, you know there's more of the hill to come, but it's kind of like.... a pause.... you're getting your bearings, but you're not quite sure where you're going with them.
Or why, even....
Yup.
We've probably all been there too...
Nice view though, isn't it? So - like us - you're really just like everybody else, huh?
Has it not occurred to you that the moment you decided to focus your attention on 'becoming Buddhist' that's what you already were?
There's no huge ceremonial conversion, no massive ritual, no whistles, bells, robes, and fanfares....
(Although if that is what you want, I'm sure we could get the local Brass band to give is a tune!)
I committed myself to following a Buddhist path by going through a small, home-made private and personal ceremony, in my own home.
But as buddhajunkie points out so succinctly, it's not about being, it's about practising.
And to my mind, I think he's spot on....
Try to get hold of some books by a Zen monk called Thich Nhat Hahn. (most people call him TNH, because spelling his name is difficult!)
'Present Moment, Wonderful Moment', is a good one, as is 'Peace is every step'.
he illustrates several different methods of meditation which might benefit you, particularly as you have a breathing problem.... Forget it.
if you can't do it, you can't do it.
It's not a problem, don't make it one.
Many bookss and meditation instructions will also tell you about sitting positions.
Which if you have serious back issues, or are even wheelchair bound is going to be problematic.
It's not about the ritual, it's about the quality.
I always say
"2 minutes, 60 times a day, is better than 60 minutes twice a day, if you're new to this and need to find your way...." In a word?
Practice.
You need to become aware and alert, and watch your thought process.
You need to almost learn to give yourself an alarm call the moment you feel this resentful and angry reaction arising.
A "Uh-oh..here I go" bell....
Only you can stop this happening, by being more mindful of ...what is being offended? Like I said - that's just your badass attitude to be aware of.
Just because your parents are like that, doesn't mean you have to follow.
Don't 'say'.....'do'.
Be an example of self-control.
Here's a thing.
Why don't you look that kid up and apologise to him for having been an ass?
It's all very well wanting to change, but actually putting your money where your mouth is, could be a good start towards engineering that. Yup.
Committing to actually walking the talk can be difficult, because you can't pick and snip.
It's a promise to yourself and others that you are going to step up to the plate, and take full responsibility - 100% - for everything you think, say and do.
If you don't feel you are ready to man up, as it were.... then when do you think you will be?
Hell's bells, you think nobody else went through this?
Everybody is different, and some just fall into it, like a back-flop into a feather mattress.
Others are somehow dragged, protesting, kicking and screaming, (by their own logic, reasoning and common sense!) and yet find once they stop struggling, that it's absolutely utterly fantastic, and why the hell didn't they do this before, or sooner?
Stop struggling.
Why are you struggling?
What's the issue stopping you?
Giving up 'stuff'?
implementing other 'stuff'?
Pin it down for us.
Having been there, we may be able to help.
Look at it this way.
You're on a plateau.
We're a level on the hill above you.
We're just reaching down to give you a hand up over this next rocky bit....;)
Don't have 'Peace'.
BE peace.
You sound just like myself when I was that age. I grew up in a Catholic family, and by my mid teens, I left that faith behind..it was just not my path. I grew up around lots of Asians(my stepfather is half Korean and half Hawaiian)/Asian Culture, so the ideas of Buddhism are not that odd to me. I have to applaude the fact that you are at your age testing the waters of what path you might follow.
1)I would not worry about being able to breathe out your nose. If you can't, you can't..that simple. Just do the breath work out of your mouth and if someday you can breathe out of your nose, do it that way. The importance here is the focus of the mind, so practice in the way that works. ZaZen is not a bad start for Meditation as it is a very simple practice..later you might choose to investigate other traditions' Meditation practices.
2)Much like Meditation, changing how you react to situations like you describe is something you have to work at. You have to work at making the concious choice to NOT be that way..which is not easy! All of us here are in the same boat, so don't kick yourself too hard-you are human and fairly young; It is going to take time to change your behavior. At the start of the day, make it a point to remind yourself to do your best to not react with anger/hate and at the end of the day, mentally look over the day, see how your reactions were and figure out how you can handle it better. Then the next day, remind yourself if what you figured out last night, apply it to your new day and keep at it. Also, as you Meditate more, you will find that things such as this become easier. (
Don't take my word for it, BTW...Meditate, work at being calmer/more compassionate and experience it. Gautama Buddha stressed that you should not take anything on blind faith. The method I gave you above is how I would do it, if you find something that works better..use that.
3)The best I can tell you about that is what I ended the previous question with...try the practice, experience it...if after that you feel that it has done you loads of good and the Dharma(Buddha's teachings) is where you want to be..go forth. If not, a new path will be your way.
Best of luck!
As Frederica and Tekchef both mentioned before, you have a pretty common past and, again just like tekchef, I have pretty much a verbatim background (which is interesting because there is a "Does Buddhism attract certain personality types" thread going on).
I was christian --> atheist --> agnostic-atheist --> agnostic-buddhist (now). There is no convert ceremony like with christianity - you'll find that one day you stop asking yourself if you're buddhist or not - in my mind that's when you are...
As far as questions for both meditation and the over-reacting - breathing meditation works well (it's fine if you breathe through your mouth, as long as you have chap-stick lying around
But yes, from an atheist-agnostic point I really appreciated the "if it works, use it, if not, don't" mentality of buddhism - no pressure or blind faith required. Try out meditation and maybe read into four noble truths/eight fold path and see if it fits you. Good Luck
I am in the same boat as you, and I'm 31! So don't despair, and be glad you have a jump start on all this. I wouldn't have cussed at the kid and pushed him back, but that is just an extra 15 years or so experience in life talking. At your age, there would have been a fight in the hall. If you remain true to the Buddhist path, in highschool there are going to be many, MANY things that tempt you, that work against you and that will make it very hard to socialize with others your age. So my advice to you, is to make sure your motivations are pure, and that you are doing this because you feel it in your heart, that you hear the truth in The Buddha's words. Not because you want to be different for the sake of it. I went though that as well.
As others have already stated, "MINDFULNESS" is key. You don't need a temple nearby to discover it. The internet has loads of info. Just google "Mindfulness in Buddhism" and see what you get. It's not easy though....at least for me. I become more aware of my thoughts, and it does change them, but the things you have the most trouble with, won't change over night.
Congrats and welcome!