Resolving conflict

Talisman

Frequently I have noticed that many threads on this forum eventually fall apart due to conflict and disharmony brought on by people's attachment to their own views, concepts, and beliefs. We should instead practice equanimity and tolerance, and realize that this constant back-and-forth causes discord, anxiety, and further discontent.

Can't we all just get along?

upalabhava

I'd rather there be actual debate than mindless pats on the back sprinkled with namastes.

Talisman

/pat's back
namaste

gracelee

upalabhava can you not debate and be friendly at the same time?

upalabhava

Sure.

And you can hit someone out of love too. See, the Zen stick.


Anger might arise in me during a debate. This is wonderful! It is showing me, in no uncertain terms, that I have identified with the view being defended, I have called it "Mine" and I am defending it as such. It lays that egoistic attachment bare for all to see. This is wonderful!

I cannot let go of what I cannot see.

ShiftPlusOne

I wouldn't equate debates and arguments to conflict and disharmony. At the end of the day, everyone still gets along. I think a constant back-and-forth makes you question your views and examine your attachment to them as well. It also provides an understanding of different views.

Talisman

Respectful discourse if fine. I'm talking about the "I'm right and your wrong" mentality.

SherabDorje

Debate is an integral part of a Tibetan monk's training, at least in Gelugpa. As long as it's done amicably, I think it makes for productive discussions.

I have to admit I personally am not fond of statements of pure personal opinion, and that I would like to see more clarification of definitions before debates begin. I would also like to see more references to accepted traditional sources, although there is even debate as to what those are.

Overall, I have no objection to lively debate as long as it's conducted amicably and in a well-defined way.

Talisman

I agree, SherabDorje. Lively and amicable debate helps me to clarify and explore my own understanding or misinterpretation of the Dharma while also helping others to do the same. I just don't like it when people insult or put-down another for having a different viewpoint of belief than themselves.

Cinorjer

After seeing what passes for communication on many internet boards, I've noticed there is an astonishing amount of compassion and willingness to listen on these boards. I've only been here a short time, but I noticed that when people do go over the line (and it happens), there are other posters that helpfully call them on it and point out the difference between rude language and debate. I was helped that way once already, when my particular button got pushed.

The screaming insult-laden meltdown flame wars of most boards just don't seem to find fuel here. Of course, an occasional poster will get a thrill out of being rude just to get attention. Some people have not learned the difference between debate and argument.

And upalabhava,

Once a young visitor at a temple told a monk, "You think you're unattached? I'm way more unattached than you. You spend your day bowing and praying to these statues and each other. You're attached to this Buddha. Me, I can spit on this statue here without a problem!"

The monk bowed to the visitor. "Fine," the monk said, "You spit, and I'll bow."

ShiftPlusOne

Talisman, nuh, you're wrong. (jk)

Yeah, I know what you mean. To be honest, I don't really see much of that going on in this forum though.

upalabhava

The spitters are kicked out of most discussion boards (and temples). See the difference?

Talisman

I just brought up the topic because of some recent activity, not a general statement in regards to the community. At this stage of my life, this board is the closest thing to a sangha I've got, and I have nothing but love and thanks for all the helpful advice and discussion I've had from the kind and intelligent people I've met here.

Epicurus

Better to have disharmony that can evolve into harmony, than faux peace which only festers disharmony.

federica

There's also the fact that Moderators here do keep an eye on things and either issue raps on knuckles, or simply shut the thread.
That's equal to the action of taking the ball away when two naughty boys just keep fighting over it.

It's amazing how quickly people stop bickering when you take their ball away.

[DeletedUser]

Debate is an integral part of a Tibetan monk's training, at least in Gelugpa. As long as it's done amicably, I think it makes for productive discussions.

I have to admit I personally am not fond of statements of pure personal opinion, and that I would like to see more clarification of definitions before debates begin. I would also like to see more references to accepted traditional sources, although there is even debate as to what those are.

Overall, I have no objection to lively debate as long as it's conducted amicably and in a well-defined way.

Amicable debate seems reasonable but in the noble nature of amicableness, debate is baseless, why not live amicably like Buddha Sakyamuni instead. :aol:

SherabDorje

Amicable debate seems reasonable but in the noble nature of amicableness, debate is baseless, why not live amicably like Buddha Sakyamuni instead.

It's like high school debate- I don't know if they have that any more but they did when I was in high school. Friendly competition, sort of like a pick-up basketball game.

It's part of the Gelugpa educational system. They have to learn all the various philosophical positions in Buddhist philosophy, phenomenology, epistemology, and logic, and be able to debate from any position, whether or not Gelugpas necessarily believe the position in question. But it's just an educational tool.

Jeffrey

Sherabdorje, Not making an example of you, I mean just to vent, but I enjoy a laid back friendly game with people of varying opinions and backgrounds. That being said when I find a challenge it is rewarding even tempting to test my abilities. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.