letting go.....

Lucas

I have had a situation, we will call it, for the past 4 years. I have written about it before and I simply cannot let it go. I am hurt, mad, devastated, and sad beyond belief when I think about it. I have tried meditation and have tried to control my thoughts and it works....until I think about it again. My question is, letting go of things we cannot change, does that mean that our feelings of hurt go away or we accept the fact that we will always have some suffering in the situation? I want to be free from this, but I know everyone's life has some suffering and mine is no different. I am just frustrated. Thanks and love guys

SherabDorje

I know this is a really wishy-washy answer, but I think it depends on the person or possibly the time in a person's life, maybe even their state of mental health. I think there will always be vestiges of suffering left over from the situation, if, as you say, you have been trying to let go of this for four years and still can't. However, I'm not familiar with the rest of your story so I don't know if you had a sudden ending recently to a four-year relationship, or if you've been trying to forget for four years.

I myself am being treated for clinical depression lately and I am finding a whole lot of negative things coming up from places that I thought were completely gone. So I think it depends on a person's predisposition and their current state of mental health.

You may have noticed the thread about the Dalai Lama and guilt recently. The key to that was that he said "I still feel it. I just don't let it hold me back." I don't want to hijack the thread, but without a whole lot of mindfulness, this depression would be a whole lot worse. Mindfulness practice can certainly help stop the ruminating. I would recommend that you keep up the mindfulness practice.

Mountains

There is no magic bullet. Meditation certainly isn't one, but it does help. Letting go of a situation, or more to the point, how you feel about a situation is a very personal process. Will you always have suffering? That's up to you. You don't have to. Will the facts of the situation change? No, the hurt will always have happened to you, but how you feel about the hurt can change as you move forward. You can make a conscious decision to begin to let go of it (don't try to make it an on-off switch - it doesn't work that way). Little by little you can change what it means to you, and by doing that, ideally, it will change the way you feel about it and lessen your attachment to the feelings of hurt (which is where your problem lies). But it's definitely not easy!

PietroPumokin

:zombie: :sawed:

newtech

Hello:

1)Its very dangerous to say u are controlling thoughts.
Remember that the cause of suffering its trying to change something, that cant be changed. If u keep pushing and crushing thoughts, that is called wrong effort.
U notice its arising, u let it be, you stop thinking about it, and then u direct your attention to something else..thats "letting go".
This is a hard one to get, u will do it right for a while then u will fall again in trying to control a thought, that natural..just comeback to no control.

2)Seems u are just focusing in "letting go". U are dedicated to noticing bad thoughts, bad feelings, and let them go. Thats painful,slow progress. Painful thoughts and feelings will continue coming back if you dont put good feelings and good thoughts!..thats right effort. Practice smiling all day long, metta meditation and feeling uplifted, and notice how much it changes.
I repeat, SMILE ALL DAY, that the best way to prevent a bad thought from arising.

3)Yes, they will go away completely if u do it enought and in a good way.