Far from the beginning, but still very much a beginner

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I have a problem that I am sure many people here are familiar with. Having studied different schools and branches of Buddhism over the past few years, I find that I have accumulated very much knowledge but have grown very little. Maybe it is because I have less concentration than the average person. My mind feels like it is constantly on fire, and to keep my mind from jumping into non-existent futures is a full time job. I would say that my mind is either day dreaming or committing itself to useless tasks over ninety percent of my waking hours. I constantly feel the desire to just run from all distractions.

I work only a couple days a week, and I would really like to utilize my abundant supply of free time becoming more mindful and compassionate. There are very few things I am attached to in this world, and certainly nothing I am afraid of giving up. My lack of concentration and inability to stay mindful are really the main things keeping me from growing. How would I go about creating an environment that would make mindfulness easier? Are their any little practices I can do throughout my day to keep me from day dreaming and just plain wasting my time?

Also, how do you suggest dealing with sexuality? I occasionally look at porn, and because of the culture I was raised in, this brings on a feeling of guilt that lasts for days. This guilt also sparks the desire to become even more removed from the world and sexuality. I assume that growth sparked by guilt isn't always going to be in the right direction though. I know there are people who follow men like Osho and believe that sexuality should be embraced, but with me there really isn't anyone I could have sex with without them becoming attached and in time hurt by me. So I refrain. But porn is easy and accessibly, but it feels cheap, fake, and wrong. I really feel that this has also become a road-block, but sexuality is very hard for me to overcome. Like I said, I lack concentration.

If you have a single line of advice or encouragement to offer, don't hesitate to reply. It would be much appreciated.

Cloud

Try a form of Samatha meditation that is continual, throughout the day. Keep focus upon your in- and out-breathing, experiencing both as fully as you can even while doing your daily tasks. When you find that you've lost focus of the breath, re-focus. Just that. It will develop a barrier between mind and world (mind-objects) and develop concentration, calm and give rise to insight.

Namaste

Dakini

RE: the concentration problem--do you practice meditation? That will help. It can take time to develop concentration in meditation, but it's do-able (be patient with yourself), and the better you get at it, the better will be your concentration in real life.

There have been threads on porn, with some good advice. Check 'em out. Bag the guilt. Good for you for being conscientious about hurting others. I have no suggestions about how to solve the basic problem, though. Maybe someone else will have an idea.

I'm also wondering if maybe you're making an assumption that others would become attached. maybe there are some that wouldn't, though it is risky territory, admittedly. Good luck

P.S. Porn is cheap, fake, wrong and problematic for other reasons. (It can become obsessive.) Even if it isn't "wrong" (like, it doesn't involve exploitation), it can become obsessive. Anyway, check out that porn thread, where members share their thoughts and experiences. Don't take it from me.

MindGate

I see nothing wrong with porn nor sex, for a lay person. Lay Buddhists are only against sexual misconduct, such as adultery, sex without consent, etc., not really so much with fapping. Its not hurting anyone.

TheJourney

We're all beginners. The key is in understanding that.

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I suppose part of the problem with me is that I strive for some path between being a Lay Buddhist and a Monk. I wouldn't mind spending a few months without porn just to clear my mind. It wouldn't necessarily be permanent, but lust is distracting.

I did find the threads on porn. They are helpful to a degree. The debate isn't so much what I am interested in. I have considered the moral implications of both sides. I personally don't want to look at porn, and yet I am in an environment where it is easy to find it. I just want a method to keep away from it.

I have tried several times to practice meditation, Zazen mostly. I find I become distracted, and even though this is rare for me, angry the longer I sit there. I think that the problem must be the state I am in when I begin the meditation, not the meditation itself.

Cloud

Lay Buddhist and Monk are just conventions like everything else. The whole world is within the mind, everything, so why does it matter where you are or what you are doing? The busiest life can be the greatest teacher, if you are paying attention. Mindfulness is our greatest treasure. Combine that with some study of the Buddha's Dharma and meditation.

compassionate_warrior

I think Dakini is right, porn can become obsessive. It goes straight to the most primitive part of our brain, and seems to burrow into there, which is why it can become obsessive. I don't look at porn or erotica, because when I do, I can't seem to get the images out of my mind. If it has any negative effect on you like that, or maybe it makes you feel depressed or guilty, just think about those negative effects before you reach for the porn. A type of aversion therapy, in a way. Think about what you don't like about it, focus on that discomfort. Maybe that will help you avoid it. And ultimately, does it really satisfy you? Probably not.

A friend who was a Western monk among Tibetan monks in India for many years said it's no easier for them at all. In fact, nowadays they access porn on the monastery computers surreptitiously. Don't envy monks.

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Thanks Cloud. That does help. I think the best way to deal with both of these issues right now is just to revamp my efforts and continue trying.

MindGate

If you truly don't want to look at porn... don't! Simple as that. If I was against porn I certainly wouldn't look at it. Use your imagination if you still want to spend time with "fappy-pappy." If you're young, don't worry about the whole lust thing, it should, from what I've heard, wear off a little when you're older. Your hormones will be majorly in gear until you're older. The lust is something you might just have to deal with. Bottling it up... almost quite literally... is actually quite bad for you.

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compassionate_warrior: It does become obsessive like Dakini said. This has been something I have tried to quit for years. And yes, the images certainly make an imprint on my mind as well. I think the reason I feel so bad about it is because usually I can dismiss the thoughts easily, or at least I think I do, but they keep coming back hour after hour when I am alone, and eventually one ends up taking hold of me and guiding my actions.

But I will just have to keep trying I suppose. Maybe meditation will help make this easier in time.

TheJourney

I'm not telling you what you should do, but no matter what you choose you should learn not to beat yourself up. You are doing the best you know how.

compassionate_warrior

Just what I was going to say: don't beat yourself up about it, don't judge yourself. Think positive and look for a remedy, a strategy.

And by the way, what's this "mind feels like it's on fire" thing?

compassionate_warrior

And yes, the images certainly make an imprint on my mind as well. I think the reason I feel so bad about it is because usually I can dismiss the thoughts easily, or at least I think I do, but they keep coming back hour after hour when I am alone, and eventually one ends up taking hold of me and guiding my actions.

I need to get clarification; you usually are able to dismiss thoughts easily, but when it comes to porn, you can't, is that what you're saying? It's because of the nature of the material. Nobody can. That's why one has to avoid it altogether. It's a discipline, I guess. Like dieting for some, or avoiding alcohol. Hopefully, the longer you're able to avoid it, the easier it becomes to avoid it. The images will fade in your mind, and if there are no new ones to take their place, you'll be ok.

buddhajunkie

My mind feels like it is constantly on fire, and to keep my mind from jumping into non-existent futures is a full time job. I would say that my mind is either day dreaming or committing itself to useless tasks over ninety percent of my waking hours. I constantly feel the desire to just run from all distractions.

Here's some inspiration

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn35/sn35.028.than.html

My lack of concentration and inability to stay mindful are really the main things keeping me from growing.

1. Mental noting is a very powerful technique. Give it a try.

http://www.buddhanet.net/xmed5.htm

http://www.zencast.org/zencast_32_mental_noting


2. Meditate first thing in the morning or after a nap. The goal is begin meditation with a mind free of the junk that accumulates during the day.

3. Before beginning meditation, engage in a loving kindness exercise. Make sure that you feel some directed at yourself. You want to enter meditation feeling safe and secure.

4. Before beginning meditation, psyche yourself up. Remind yourself what the purpose of meditation is. Let yourself know that you'll have plenty of time to daydream and worry later.

5. Do not cave it to doubt. If you have just one short moment of concentration and mindfulness, that is a step along the path.

How would I go about creating an environment that would make mindfulness easier?

Try to use the same meditation area every day, and at the same time. Your meditation area should be very simple, with no provocative stimuli. However, you may keep things around that psyche you up for meditation, like a buddha statue, etc.

Most importantly, you should feel SAFE from interruption.

Are their any little practices I can do throughout my day to keep me from day dreaming and just plain wasting my time?

You're a dreamer, just like me.

For once, turn your attention to the thing inside you that makes you want to day dream. Know what that feels like. See it close enough and it dissolves.

If you catch yourself in the middle of a daydream, move your attention to the feelings that arise with daydreaming (such as pleasure or excitement), as well as the feelings that make you want to continue the daydream (like aversion or desire).

And remember this: Seeing how those feelings interact with your thoughts and behavior can be more interesting than the daydreams themselves.

This is easy to do. Try it.


Also, you need to establish cues to remind you to be mindful throughout the day. For example, you can say that every time you walk through a doorway, you will be mindful. Or have a watch that beeps on the hour, and at that time be mindful for a few seconds.

Keep us posted.