My Attachment: Spreading the Buddha Love...or Helping Those That Suffer

August_us

There's a desire that I have...that might be left over from my Christian days...but...with many of the Buddha's teachings have helped me a LOT. Like... a LOT...and when I see my friends and family making some of the same mistakes I have, it's so hard to NOT help teach them something that, if they were to actually take it seriously, would help them. When I first started, I was naive enough to try...and wasn't taken seriously. The best I did was get a reluctant agreement, but without care. My dad thinks I'm ignoring life's problems ... when I know that if he just didn't allow his (relatively) insignificant financial problems rule his thoughts all the time, he'd be WAY better off. My dad used to be a wealthy doctor, but had a few mishaps, and now is just scraping by...and he can't stop thinking or talking about his problems (as an example...the suffering these thoughts create is terrible to watch).

It's always been something I've been attached to: helping people. I'm attached to the outcome when I try, but fail, to help someone...and I just don't know how to let go of this desire. Watching people that you're close to make the same mistakes you used to make is painful. So...I guess I have a couple questions:

1) How can I help myself let go of the outcome of helping someone?

2) How do I stop myself from attempting to help people that just don't want to be helped (and holding back the desire to - this causes mental suffering in me)? This seems like a silly question...but honestly, it's difficult.

Any guidance here would be appreciated

Edit: Out of curiosity, has anyone else had this problem?

As a side note, I've never been as bad as the Christians are, trying to spread the Jesus love...I just would get so excited when I was learning Buddhist concepts that I would talk to people about them if I thought that it would be useful to them...which was clearly a bad idea :P

[DeletedUser]

Buddhism places important note on "condition or affinity". In Buddhism, the concept of realization of the inherent supreme emptiness is utmost important than anything else before one even knows what precisely is practice really about. A great master of a recent good old day who has attained great height was challenged on this similar question of helping others, his reply was that his helping others was on the mindfulness of Buddha Amitabha, which according to him, was the same as that of the questioner's other perspectives of helping others. For your situation, I feel that it is wise to wholeheartedly take care of your father and dedicate merits through your practice to him

Dazzle

Hi August-us,

If we have feelings of loving-kindness towards others, its natural to want to help them, but with some situations we don't necessarily have the wisdom to know how to do that skilfully. Helping in small ways might be best to begin with. Additionally, if people don't want our help, then we have to just relax and let go of that desire, rather than become a rather irritating "do gooder" to them !

Regular meditation can help us to develop more clarity and awareness.

This is a good meditation series:




Kind wishes,

D.

Ada_B

I need to try to spell this correctly, but I think you may find the teachings on the Bodhisattva path to be beneficial to you. You find it in Tibetan Buddhism but also in some other traditions.

There's a fairly succinct definition here http://www.essortment.com/all/whatisbodhisat_rfld.htm

In my tradition we are encouraged to take the so-called Bodhisattva Vows, which is that we state our intention to want to be a Bodhisattva, putting aside Buddhahood until we have helped all sentient beings to attain Buddhahood as well.

Bodhisattvas are said to be so full of lovingkindness and compassion that they may even choose to be born in unfavourable rebirths, in order to help people. Sometimes, if we meet particularly helpful or amazing people, my teacher says "Perhaps they are a Bodhisattva?" It is a good thing to think

My teacher believes that some people have a natural inclination towards Bodhicitta (the attitude of the Bodhisattva), that is the desire to relieve all sentient beings from suffering and to bring them happiness. Not that other paths aren't also valid (all paths ultimately benefit all sentient beings, and metta is a part of all Buddhist paths, of course); this is just one particular way of seeing it.

For me, this teaching has proved to be a way for me to take the good from my former Christian beliefs and apply it to my Buddhist practice. It has enabled me to make my practice far more something that went with the grain of my personality and experiences, rather than against it (my initial encounters with the dharma were frustrated by my attempts to be something I was not). I have found it is really important that your practice is something natural to you, and not forced.

Anyway, it's all rafts to cross the river, but I thought I'd share about my particular raft.

Dazzle

Wanting to be a loving Bodhisattva doesn't prevent the possibility of misplaced compassion towards others. Chogyam Trungpa called it "idiot compassion " and Pema Chodron explains it here:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/qa5.php

sukhita

@August_us

I've been through similar experiences in the past when I tried discussing Buddhism with family and friends, thinking that they may benefit from some of the core concepts (Note: I was definitely not trying to "convert" them to Buddhism). From the reaction I got, it almost always resulted in me becoming mentally agitated and frustrated. Now, I just practice, I don't feel the need to discuss my practice with anyone other than those who show an interest in Buddhism or are Buddhists.

Ada_B

Wanting to be a loving Bodhisattva doesn't prevent the possibility of misplaced compassion towards others. Chogyam Trungpa called it "idiot compassion " and Pema Chodron explains it here:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/qa5.php

No, that is very true. Sometimes, the genuinely kindest thing you can do is say something harsh, or walk away. It's not always about being soft and overtly "kind" (rather like a good parent doesn't always give kids kisses and presents). Wisdom is knowing how to act and when, and such wisdom can only be developed by meditation and putting oneself under the tutelage of a teacher.

Then again, people should be careful of being so terrified of acting out of idiot compassion, they don't act at all. You have to do your best to put the needs of the other person ahead of your own, and really think about what is their best and not about yourself; but having done that, you sometimes have to take the risk. You will stuff up - it is inevitable, but hopefully with practice you will learn to stuff up less often.

buddhajunkie

August_us,

Be sure to check your own motivations. Are you sure you're not just trying to vicariously re-live the rush of discovering Buddhism? Or that you're not just enjoying being a teacher? Or that you're not just enforcing your own concept of self?

When you say you want to help people, you can't ignore their probable reaction to your Buddhist proselytizing.

If you really want to help a person suspicious of Buddhism, you must be willing to do it in some other way. Even if that way involves hiding the Buddhist elements, or even suggesting that they turn to some other religion they are more partial to.

One last thing to keep in mind: Timing is everything. If you suggest Buddhism at the wrong time, or in the wrong way, you may turn them off to it for life. So be patent and wait for the right time, which may be never.