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Isn't it normal to want someone to love you back in a relationship?

blulotus29blulotus29
edited January 2011 in Buddhism Basics
I don't get the attachment idea when it comes to relationships/love. Can someone break this down for me?
Isn't it normal in life to want love and to want others to love us back? I mean if we didn't wouldn't that be illogical?

Comments

  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    Sure, humans are social creatures.
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    Sure, humans are social creatures.
    I mean like according to Buddhism. Seems like to me there is all this talk about not wanting that.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    edited January 2011
    no one said you shouldn't do that, wanting isn't the same as craving. Seriously read some stuff on Buddhism. You just post millions of specific questions that can all be answered by some basic Buddhist concepts.
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    no one said you shouldn't do that, wanting isn't the same as craving. Seriously read some stuff on Buddhism. You just post millions of specific questions that can all be answered by some basic Buddhist concepts.
    If it bothers you so much to read my questions and feel compelled to answer them, don't read them. I've already explained to you that sometimes I can grasp a concept better when I hear it put diff ways from diff people.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    it doesn't bother me to read them, I'm trying to help you, go read, you won't have as many questions.
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    it doesn't bother me to read them, I'm trying to help you, go read, you won't have as many questions.
    I do read and this is what a forum is for..discussions and questions etc. Get over it.

  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    lol
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    lol
    you would think it's funny since you're obviously an asshole.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    so's ur face!
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    lol you only wish there was something wrong with my face.
    Why don't you go and be a Christian since you're such a great hypocrite.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    so's your mom
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Blulotus, lurk moar.

    But anyways, define "relationship." Its basically a connection between you and another person, right?
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Why don't you go and be a Christian since you're such a great hypocrite.

    ---

    That was a win.
  • robotrobot Veteran
    This is better than WOW
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    so's your mom
    I'm honestly done talking to you. If you're such a Buddhist why don't you try reading some things on practicing kindness instead of being a jerk and insulting me.

  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    damn it mindgate, i was going to get to so's your mom's face
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    I'm sorry if you get offended and insulted from this maybe you have teh problem? you negative nancy
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    No you're just an asshole and aren't really a true Buddhist and you really aren't worth anymore of my time or energy.
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    edited January 2011
    Yes, this is better than WoW.

    Blulotus, he's not really an asshole, just quite blunt. What hes saying is that you should LURK MOAR (look through the threads to see if a question was already answered) before you post.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    edited January 2011
    oh no I'm not a true buddhist I broke the 9 and 3/4 precept by joking!
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    He definitely broke the 3rd.
  • blulotus29blulotus29
    Yes, this is better than WoW.

    Blulotus, he's not really an asshole, just quite blunt. What hes saying is that you should LURK MOAR (look through the threads to see if a question was already answered) before you post.
    I've already looked and really, what does it matter? I'm done with this forum and the hypocritical, no life assholes who have no tact in their "bluntness" and who are rude and just wanna tell me how to post and what to do so i'm just gonna stop using this site.

    Thanks.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    edited January 2011
    He definitely broke the 3rd.
    blulotus broke the 5th i think
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Welcome to NewBuddhist.
  • robotrobot Veteran
    I thought it was a very reasonable suggestion.
  • aHappyNihilistaHappyNihilist Veteran
    i guess some people can't handle not being specially treated forever with their thousands of repeated questions and having one person make a joke :(
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Now watch blulotus kill himself. LOOK WHAT YOU DID, aHN!
  • GlowGlow Veteran
    edited January 2011
    I don't get the attachment idea when it comes to relationships/love. Can someone break this down for me?
    Isn't it normal in life to want love and to want others to love us back? I mean if we didn't wouldn't that be illogical?
    This talk of "attachment" really has its basis in the Buddha's worldview in which we are all trapped in a neverending cycle of rebirth. One of the Buddha's core teachings is called "dependent origination" which outlines the process by which we become caught in this cycle. One of the links in this process is what is called in Pali (the language in which the early Buddhist scriptures are recorded) upadana, which translates to "attachment." Attachment leads to craving (in Pali: tanha) for that which we are attached to. Craving, according to this teaching of dependent origination, leads to what is known as "becoming" (in Pali: bhava).

    In the metaphorical sense "becoming" refers to becoming a certain identity, such as "my boyfriend's less attractive partner" or "my mother's unappreciated son", which then leads to suffering. In the literal sense, it refers to being reborn into another lifetime of suffering and being caught up again in the process of samsara. Obviously, if you believe in the literal interpretation, you'll want to avoid becoming attached and free yourself from the process of rebirth. If you don't believe in the literal interpretation, you probably don't need to worry about the attachment that forms during a romantic relationship. You can see my response to Epicurus' question about whether it's skillful to enter a relationship here.

  • TammyTammy
    I don't get the attachment idea when it comes to relationships/love. Can someone break this down for me?
    Isn't it normal in life to want love and to want others to love us back? I mean if we didn't wouldn't that be illogical?
    I think of this way - we enjoy the love that others give us, but we hold it with an open hand, aware that at any time it could be gone. And we find peace either with that love from the other person, or without it.

  • JasonJason God Emperor Arrakis Moderator
    edited January 2011
    This thread is being closed due to the proliferation of personal attacks.

    Blulotus29, aHappyNihilist and MindGate, please refrain from antagonizing other members and making personal attacks in the future, or we may be forced to take further action (i.e., banning). I really hope it doesn't come to that, but this type of behaviour isn't acceptable and won't be tolerated here.
This discussion has been closed.