Breaking a habit.

Bodhgaya

I have had the idea of succeeding forced upon me since I was young, now, I get disappointed when I don't make astounding grades. I get upset over an 89, even though it may have been the best I could have done. Is there anything I could do? It is pointless to be upset, though I am not now, but for further times it would be nice to know.

Metta.

Dakini

This is perfectionism, a type of addiction, possibly instilled by your parents from an early age, but now as an adult (or young adult?) you have responsibility for it. It can be a trap, if it causes you suffering (if you can't attain the results you want, if you're setting goals that are unrealistic). What you can do is practice letting go. Practicing accepting that the best you can do is ok. Practice being compassionate with yourself--you can meditate on that. And just--let go (detach from the expectation that you'll get A's, or all A's). It's good to aim high, but if you can't make it, knowing you've done your best, accept that without beating yourself up. maybe you're judging yourself for not meeting your own expectations? Let go of the judging.

Lostie

Thanks for starting this thread which reminds me of a quote:-

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Change starts with oneself. :om:

buddhajunkie

What is your current practice? Do you meditate?

Whatever you do, it's best to practice now on smaller issues, rather than waiting for another big issue sometime in the future.

Bodhgaya

Thank you. Yes, my mother always told me high grades were only acceptable. Now, it's 'do your best.' I use to be okay with a C or D, then I started becoming angst with a B. But thank you, I do meditate, and I indeed will change

Mountains

Welcome to my world! I've just embarked on a master's degree program in anesthesia. In order to even get into the program I'm in, you pretty much have to have been the cream of the crop in your previous academic career. Then <<WHAM>> suddenly you're drowning. I've never had a C in my life (including two BS degrees, an AAS degree, and high school), but I have now! Did it piss me off to miss a B by two points out of the entire semester? Yes it did. Am I obsessing about it? I was at first, but I'm not now. It's over and done with, and there's nothing I can do about it. Might that prevent me from going on (right now) for a doctorate? Possibly, but I figure if I'm supposed to have a doctorate, it will work out such that I do. If not, then it won't, and I'm not going to worry about it too much. It's a process you have to go through to be okay with the way things work out. As lots of people will point out, once you have the degree in your hand, nobody is going to care if you got an 89 on that test way back when.

Bodhgaya

Relieving to know that someone has felt the same way.
I use to brood over such things, but I get over in within a matter of minutes. I do agree, though. There is nothing to do about it, and if it's suppose to work out, it will. So far, I'm doing pretty well. Thanks!

Ada_B

I'm a perfectionist too. But not because of anything my parents ever said. My kids are like that now too.

There are good sides to it, and bad. It can be attention to detail and diligence, or it can be unhealthy obsession and ingratitude at lesser successes. But with all these bad habits, the first step is acceptance. You seem to be on the way with that one - accepting that you are perfectionist. But the next step is to accept yourself, as you are, and try to work with that.

Easier said than done - I'll report back to you if I can learn to be happy with a 70%!

Bodhgaya

Greatly appreciated.
I have a bit of both habits, but today I discovered I made an 82 on a test, but was quite pleased!

I may have been able to do better, or maybe not.

fivebells

Titan-realm meditation and joy meditation would probably help.