the right thing to do?

Bodhgaya

My step sibling was stealing from her father, so I told. She does it when she wants cigarettes and doesn't have much money, usually. But I am wondering, was that wise to do?
No one has a right to steal, and I just happen to overhear it happening.

Sabre

Hi Bodhgaya, here are my two cents on this:

Right and wrong.. two strange and vague words. In my view of Buddhism they don't apply as they do usually. So I don't look upon them in the "usual" way. I look upon them in the Buddhist way!

And so.... it depends. We can't tell you or judge that situation for you. As always, it depends on the intention, not on the action itself.

I can think of two situations:

If you wanted to put justice in the world, that is not a very wise thing to do I think. You know you can only put peace inside yourself, not inside others. Besides, being a Buddhist one of your aims is lose all judgement of people.

If you wanted to say it because the father is a very poor man and he really needs that money or something else out of kindness, it's probably a different story.

What was your drive to do it? Look inside. How did this drive affect you? Did it create more peace and happiness inside? Than it was probably a wise thing, otherwise maybe not. I'm guessing the second thing, because otherwise you probably wouldn't have asked.

Love,
Sabre :vimp:

nanimo

I hate to say it Bodhgaya, but in spite of the fact that it is the right thing to do to inform a relative of a sibling's theft, it won't accomplish much.

My own brother did the same thing when he was a teenager. He would steal and then pawn off a number of my mother's things(typically jewelry) for the same reason, cigarettes.

Sadly, unless your sibling is any different, there is nothing really you can do except keep a sharp eye on your own property. If this person is bent on stealing to feed a nicotine habit, then there is not really much you can do other than what you have already done, as further revelations to a relative will only add strife to the dynamic. At least, that's how it happened with my brother.

Oh, and for those who will say show compassion to this sibling because the nicotine is causing a delusional state of being, it's easy to offer advice about compassion when it's not you basically being forced to watch an injustice being done with no viable recourse. It's difficult nigh on impossible to bear when a loved one is shaming themselves so horribly right before your very eyes and you feel helpless to stop it.:banghead:

You have my sympathies, Bodhgaya. All I can say is hold on as best you can. This behavior too will pass in time. :bawl:

Sabre

Probably the wisest thing you can do to stop her from stealing is: next time you notice it or hear about it whatever, go to her and give her some of your money, saying: "Here, have mine, so you don't need to steal it. Because I care for you."

Probably it will not do a lot, but something inside her will pick up the message.

And you did a good karma-investment, that's a bonus!


Sabre :vimp:

Dazzle

Hi Bodhgaya,

Regarding stealing,you could ask your sibling how she would feel if she had her own money or belongings stolen from her -but you've probably done that already.

Regarding the smoking, suggest to her that to save money and protect her health,that she chew sugar-free mint gum instead of having a cigarette, it worked for me, together with the determination to stop.

Kind wishes,

D.

Bodhgaya

Nanimo, thank you. You are right, as well Sabre and Dazzle. I don't think I should offer her money, though. It would seem I support her habit. My family is somewhat poor, but not poverty-stricken. We live fine. I just didn't think it was something she should do- stealing from her father to support her habit that is killing her daily. If she does do it again, I will stop her.

I use to be like that myself, thievish and a smoker. I have changed that, and would like to stop things if I am able.

Thank you, all.