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Choosing between compassion and relieving suffering
Greetings,
I've had a discussion with a girl that was thrown out of her house when she was young and has issues with abandonment. She was telling me these things and said she was afraid her boyfriend would someday leave her or get run over etc. At this point I was wondering, do I handle this with compassion and tell her everything will be fine and she shouldn't think about all that stuff, or do I tell her about the impermanence of things and try to relieve her of her suffering?
In the end she said something like "I don't believe in god but sometimes I have a feeling that even the good things must end" so in a way she realised stuff isn't permanent. I used this to just agree with her on this point and move on to the next subject. I felt getting deeper into the impermanence of things would lack compassion.
How would you deal with this situation?
Compassion or help to relieve suffering?
I've had a discussion with a girl that was thrown out of her house when she was young and has issues with abandonment. She was telling me these things and said she was afraid her boyfriend would someday leave her or get run over etc. At this point I was wondering, do I handle this with compassion and tell her everything will be fine and she shouldn't think about all that stuff, or do I tell her about the impermanence of things and try to relieve her of her suffering?
In the end she said something like "I don't believe in god but sometimes I have a feeling that even the good things must end" so in a way she realised stuff isn't permanent. I used this to just agree with her on this point and move on to the next subject. I felt getting deeper into the impermanence of things would lack compassion.
How would you deal with this situation?
Compassion or help to relieve suffering?
0
Comments
I would have pointed out that her fears are based in her history of abandonment, and so therefore are in her mind. That, at the very least. Further, I might also suggest that if she allows these fears to take over, she might end up inadvertently pushing her boyfriend away, making her fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I might suggest she try to make peace with her past, perhaps with a skilled therapist, or through meditation, whatever.
Sometimes, people don't want a discussion or homily. Sometimes, all they need is an ear.