Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
hypochondria
zombiegirl
beating the drum of the lifelessin a dry wasteland Veteran
i have suffered from this disorder my entire life. for those wondering, hypochondria is basically when someone is constantly worrying they have various illnesses.
it's a joke to my friends and families, who often tease me about it, but it's really not funny to me. my earliest memories are from when i was around five years old and my grandfather had a heart attack. i asked what that meant and i was told, "his heart stopped." i then became paranoid that MY heart would 'just stop' and would frequently check to make sure it was still beating throughout the day. this continued for years and most of my anxiety still does center around my heart. i used to have a pretty bad problem with having panic attacks and thinking they were heart attacks (which made them worse).
i'm not really afraid of death, more of illness. i have been to many funerals in my life and i have seen many of my family members die long painful deaths in the hospital. i fear this more than anything. almost all of my father's side of the family is gone now from some random disease or another. mostly cancer types, but a lot of strange diseases i can't even remember the name of as well. i've never heard of such unhealthy people.
it is really quite ridiculous, and i know this, but i simply have trouble stopping my brain's worries. they typically go like this...
1. i learn about some disease and begin to apply the symptoms to myself.
2. i think, "you're a hypochondriac, of COURSE you're just being crazy. just ignore it."
3. then i think, "...but what if i really DO have it and i'm ignoring important symptoms because i'm a hypochondriac?"
4. and then i loop back to 1 and start all over again.
what i find most helpful is when i can discuss my 'symptoms' with friends and family and ask if they are enough for concern. simply put, i cannot trust my own reactions. i stress out over everything so i need to see things from another person's perspective. i rarely go to the doctor (it has been years now), but sometimes when things are bad enough that i do, i rarely can trust them. i usually just think that they missed something or don't know what they're doing, so it barely helps my worries. i honestly don't think i make up any symptoms, i just think i have trouble differentiating between what is normal and what isn't. for example, if i read that headaches are a symptom, i think, "i have headaches!" ...but of course, everyone has headaches from time to time.
just curious if anyone has suggestions for something of this nature. it does feel a lot like trying to tame the monkey mind. sometimes i can calm my nerves with positive affirmations ("i am healthy, wealthy, and well"), but sometimes i lose this battle as well. i actually had been doing really well for a long time, but a few days ago, i attended a seminar in which i studied a few types of cancer that i'm now convinced i have. urgh.
i just don't understand what it must be like to be normal and not do this... i honestly can't even imagine it. at my best, i still initially think i have a disease but can later convince myself that i don't. it is extremely rare that i don't have that initial knee jerk reaction of, "oh my god, i have this..."
help?
it's a joke to my friends and families, who often tease me about it, but it's really not funny to me. my earliest memories are from when i was around five years old and my grandfather had a heart attack. i asked what that meant and i was told, "his heart stopped." i then became paranoid that MY heart would 'just stop' and would frequently check to make sure it was still beating throughout the day. this continued for years and most of my anxiety still does center around my heart. i used to have a pretty bad problem with having panic attacks and thinking they were heart attacks (which made them worse).
i'm not really afraid of death, more of illness. i have been to many funerals in my life and i have seen many of my family members die long painful deaths in the hospital. i fear this more than anything. almost all of my father's side of the family is gone now from some random disease or another. mostly cancer types, but a lot of strange diseases i can't even remember the name of as well. i've never heard of such unhealthy people.
it is really quite ridiculous, and i know this, but i simply have trouble stopping my brain's worries. they typically go like this...
1. i learn about some disease and begin to apply the symptoms to myself.
2. i think, "you're a hypochondriac, of COURSE you're just being crazy. just ignore it."
3. then i think, "...but what if i really DO have it and i'm ignoring important symptoms because i'm a hypochondriac?"
4. and then i loop back to 1 and start all over again.
what i find most helpful is when i can discuss my 'symptoms' with friends and family and ask if they are enough for concern. simply put, i cannot trust my own reactions. i stress out over everything so i need to see things from another person's perspective. i rarely go to the doctor (it has been years now), but sometimes when things are bad enough that i do, i rarely can trust them. i usually just think that they missed something or don't know what they're doing, so it barely helps my worries. i honestly don't think i make up any symptoms, i just think i have trouble differentiating between what is normal and what isn't. for example, if i read that headaches are a symptom, i think, "i have headaches!" ...but of course, everyone has headaches from time to time.
just curious if anyone has suggestions for something of this nature. it does feel a lot like trying to tame the monkey mind. sometimes i can calm my nerves with positive affirmations ("i am healthy, wealthy, and well"), but sometimes i lose this battle as well. i actually had been doing really well for a long time, but a few days ago, i attended a seminar in which i studied a few types of cancer that i'm now convinced i have. urgh.
i just don't understand what it must be like to be normal and not do this... i honestly can't even imagine it. at my best, i still initially think i have a disease but can later convince myself that i don't. it is extremely rare that i don't have that initial knee jerk reaction of, "oh my god, i have this..."
help?
0
Comments
"You see? I told you I was ill"....
Spike Milligan was probably one of the greatest comic geniuses this country has known. He was one quarter of "The Goons" but due to WWII experiences, suffered badly from shell-shock and PTSD. It was unknown as an affliction in those days, and throughout his life, was a voluntary patient at a local mental hospital. It's suspected this PTSD/shell-shock triggered a bi-polar disorder in him.
I think there's an awful lot of stigma attached to mental ilness, but when you conside 1 in 4 of us will be afflicted by some kind of condition at some time or aother during our lives, it really should be more commonplace a practise to be able to discuss it openly, be aware of it, accept it and be considerate of the conditions people have to endure.
Is your doctor aware you actually have this condition?
have you discussed it with a professional/medical expert?
is there a kindly and undertasanding ear you can turn to at times when tyhis inner turmoil manifests?
ShiftPlusOne has the right idea, but it may be wise to confide in your doctor before doing this, otherwise s/he may just view ypu as a nuisance....
We are not.
There’s a general problem behind many problems though; it’s the problem of suffering.
A beautiful “answer” for me, comes from a Koan in the book “The Whole World is a Single Flower” written by Seung Sahn.
“If you want to cross the ocean of suffering,
You must take the ship with no bottom.”
Liberation – in the context of Buddhism – is not getting rid of hypochondria / suffering; it is being one with it, or something like that.
(I can’t think right now of a better way of putting it than Seng Sahn’s “taking the ship with no bottom”.)
Of course there’s nothing wrong with getting rid of the headache, and I take an aspirin if I can. And you should maybe seek treatment for your hypochondria.
But after the headache and after the hypochondria there will be something else.
That’s the ocean of suffering.
While many people see severe hypochondria as "cute" or one of those quirky personality traits that makes people unique, the fact is, the stress it generates can eventually lead to real illnesses. Being worried constantly raises stress hormone levels in your body, and over time, those will take their toll on your organ systems. It's a slow, painless, and yet very insidious process.
I'm also sure there are support groups of hypochondriacs. Check your local area to see. I'd think ideally, such a group would have an organizer who is not him/herself a hypochondriac, otherwise it might digress into a "top this" session!
To some extent we all do this, but like anything, when a behavior gets out of hand, it can cause problems. The other problem with hypochondria that I've seen personally is that it can end up costing you and everybody else (through higher insurance costs) money because eventually you'll clog up the overburdened medical system with these phantom conditions. And believe me, there are plenty of doctors out there who are terrified of being sued so much that they'll order a dozen tests on you if you come to the emergency department with a hang nail. That all costs money, and 99% of it is unnecessary. And we all end up paying for it.
I know it's certainly not funny or cute - it's a problem for you. I wish you the best in dealing with it.
Peace..
PS: Just for the record, two things:
1. Everybody's heart stops beating eventually
2. If you're able to think about it and stop to check whether it's beating - then by definition it's beating. No need to check!
But I can't imagine why someone would voluntarily find out information on various illnessess. I realize this may not sound helpful but the checking part is step C. Not to mention the fact that your body has it's own defence system so that you don't have to try and outsmart the ailment. Your body will usually tell you, not the other way around. The big problems, on the other hand, can be prevented with basic practice such as good diet and regular exercise.
At least then you get to create a buffer zone for the reaper, anything else is an incovenience for you, but nothing you or your body can't handle of the course.
As Zenff said you need to address if this is something you can attempt to handle yourself. I have been sick for a long time and the sufffering of that lead me to drastically alter my life and let go of a lot of emotional baggage which lead to me to become stressed out and then illness and constantly feeling like im gonna be sick and end up in A&E on a nebuliser (I have a lung thing) was almost making me step into hypocondira?
My situation was different I knew was not right like ownerof1000oddsocks said my body was reacting in a massive way just the doctors were too lazy to refer me to a specialist - I dont want to add a lable to my lung issue I can control that once I can clear my mind of stress and junk!
If you cant help yourself then you need to address the issue with a specialist. And I would try and avoid going to too many funerals as this maybe a constant thing in your life thats building up to a fear of being ill.
For many sufferers, the real fear that HAD is masking is a fear of being out of control and unable to make your own decisions about your life. This is often linked to feeling too responsible for others, but may be to do with some traumatic illnesses in the family or in your childhood. But it is dependency and sickness that is the fear, not death generally.
I've had Health Anxiety Disorder really badly a few years ago, but I was successfully treated and now it's a minor issue in my life. I know that sounds unbelievable but it really is eminently treatable. So get some professional help.
Point: Irrational fears are easy to get over for lots of people who have them. You can get over this too zombiegirl!
Mindfulness therapy works well with CBT.
shift- i'm currently without insurance so this could be quite expensive to do this. i also would feel slightly guilty about wasting their time. i once had a doctor laugh at me when i told him that i was concerned i had lyme disease. (i had been outside and had a weird bite, i thought maybe it had been a tick!)
zenff- thank you for your post. i really like that quote and yes, the suffering is really the heart of the matter. i was hoping someone might give me some sort of buddhist suggestion.
fed- i don't actually have a doctor in this area yet. i've only been living here for a little over a year now and haven't had anything bad enough to force me to seek one out. in the past though, it seems that if i tell them i'm a hypochondriac, they just ignore whatever comes out of my mouth after that.
mountains- i don't take offense to any of that, i think that is great advice. i had no idea that this condition was so prevalent seeing as i've never met anyone else who suffered in this way. i really do appreciate your post. i think in the past, even i thought it was more of a 'quirk' but now that i am older i am realizing it is a little more than that.
lightlotus- well, you can't really avoid the funerals when they're family, lol. but like i said, most of them are gone now and the funeral itself doesn't bother me, it's the slow degradation process.
Ada- you said something very strange to me.
"For many sufferers, the real fear that HAD is masking is a fear of being out of control and unable to make your own decisions about your life. This is often linked to feeling too responsible for others, but may be to do with some traumatic illnesses in the family or in your childhood. But it is dependency and sickness that is the fear, not death generally."
i mentioned that i had been doing well for a long time, and that is true, it also coincides with me feeling very happy about my life for a long time, but i hadn't considered a connection between the two. but the day before i went to my seminar, i visited my mother/sister whom live together and let's just say... that situation stressed me out beyond belief. i barely slept, i ended up crying most of the night. my only sister has become a severe alcoholic and it is distressing beyond belief. but on a good note, my father told me today that both my sister and my mother have agreed to go to AA. (i wouldn't consider my mother an alcoholic, but she expressed to me that because she always has alcohol around, she thought that she might be enabling my sister) i felt very bad at the time because i got in a fight with my sister about her drinking, but perhaps that is what she needed. anyways, what you said about feeling too responsible for others was exactly the reason i spent the night crying. my mother kept telling me that i shouldn't carry their burden, but i do suffer a lot when i cannot help those that i love.
Ada, could you give me some examples of things that have helped you overcome HAD? are there any books you can recommend?
the reason I suggested that it might be worth avoiding funerals (not family ones though!) is because it depends on how many you go to in a year. In my opinon when people tend to have these sort of built up anxieties you effectively bottle them up and years down the road that just needs one little thing to kick of something like what your experiencing.
Its like what Ada said CBT and talking can unlock a lot of these things - honestly you maybe better off starting therapy than looking up an illness.
take care
light lotus
I'm assuming you are young and healthy like most young people. It's an excellent bet that results can be obtained by the following: Maybe STOP thinking about it and care much much LESS!
IOW, you don't have to worry about undetected or undiagnosed health problems until you're like..., what..., in your late 40s? It's a free ride on the good-health wagon for most people until then.
FWIW. Two cents is all... . :cool:
Im agree with you, apart from that i had the reverse i knew what was wrong with me just took 5 years in total to have my doctors realise that I am well synronised to my body. They labelled it like mad once all the hospital doctors echo'd what i had been saying for what years before the severity kicked in. I only improved once i started meditation to have a time out session and got really active and made some serious life changes - yes my condition is there but my mind is stronger post starting meditation. I just need to boost my practise to keep my stress levels down!
A part of me hates all the lables to conditons because with each one being established on a oprah-esq show there is someone out there thinking 'oh i might have that too!' (roger, I confess to watching oprah that one time too!) and then walking in a department store with my mum and a sales man is selling a SAD light in foggy england and my mum now thinks she has SAD disorder! (LOL)
LL
Live a happy, peaceful and calm life - but the time your 40 you would be in different stage of your life. Im 29 and im not the same person that I was when I was 25! Im not even similar to the person I was what 4 months ago - you can really help yourself when you want to change.
As well as HAD, she diagnosed PTSD from being very sick as a child and a later problem with my son being diagnosed with autism and being behaviourally very disturbed. She recommended a 12 week course of CBT, combined with mindfulness therapy. She recommended Mindfulness because I had expressed an interest in Buddhism to her, and she felt it would work well with the things I was learning, spiritually.
She told me my HAD was easy to treat but I didn't believe her. I couldn't believe that after 15 years of suffering, it could be that easy to fix. But nevertheless I committed to the course of treatment and worked hard with my homework and the exercises set (you have to do a lot yourself with CBT, which is why it is possible to do online or with a workbook, if you are determined enough).
The worst bit was when I had to imagine I had a terminal illness and talk through how I felt, what happened next etc. Every time, her picking the worst case scenario and making me work through it. It was awful.
However, at the end of the 12 weeks, I suddenly found I was not thinking about illness all the time, and I coped much better with my actual illnesses. I can honestly say that although I'm still a bit of a hypochondriac, my anxiety now about my health is nothing to what it was. I no longer have that stomach-gnawing feeling all the time and can enjoy life much more.
My only regret is that I didn't admit to my problems much earlier and get help. It seems so unnecessary now - but I suppose I was scared of being laughed at or dismissed.
I feel the CBT gave me many coping skills and I've stopped running from things that scare me. I'm currently reading a book about death, by Sogyal Rinpoche and am interested in meditations around death and dying. If you can stare death in the face, you truly are fearless. Illness scares me more, actually, but I am much more able to stay in the present, and let the future look after itself.
I would've assumed that meditation would've helped you. There is so much in Buddhism about not worrying about the future, hypothetical situations and speculation.
I think it pays off to consider what you THINK might happen, and then compare that to what actually happens and reflect on it a bit. Eventually, that should help at least a little.
As has been noted above, you are actually suffering from health anxiety - hypochondria tends to suggest over-caution and although that may be the case, the root of your condition is a phobia of illness.
I know exactly what you are talking about - I had (and still have) a deep fear of cancer after my mother died of it whilst I was fairly young. I have previously been convinced that I have brain cancer, lung cancer, testicular cancer...it got so bad once I tricked my doctor into thinking that I had more serious symptoms just so he would send me for a brain scan!
I have improved a lot over the last few years and this has been, largely, due to Buddhism. I hope that explaining how it helps me, may help you.
Once you realise that there is no objective reality, you realise that everything is mind, or rather, in your mind. Your fear of death (and all the other emotions which arise from phobia of illness) are necessary for our survival, they are instinctive impulses which keep you from danger. The problem is that our emotions can become a little bit too sensitive. However, if you just acknowledge fear and all the other negative emotions which surround death, as impermanent fabrications of the mind, they will hold less stock in you. Try and look at them objectively - they may or may not be telling you something useful - try to depart yourself from them.
Similarly, you need to understand that craving for existence (which is inherently linked to fear of illness) is just another delusion of the ego - ask yourself, really, how can we fear non-existence?
It also helps me to remember that everything, including your sensations of anxiety, are impermanent. They may drag on and they may return in some shape or form, but one sensation of anxiety will never return in the same form again because everything will be different.
When it comes to dealing with doctors etc, it used to drive me mad thinking that they had missed something or were not taking me seriously. Just try and remember that your future is largely determined by what has already happened. Although we may consider ourselves masters of cause and effect, ultimately, we must accept that we can only go with the flow! What will be will be, whatever that is.
I have never had professional help - I refuse to take any form of medication for it - although I am a beleiver in 'each to his own' - if you think it may help, you should consider getting proper help.
I hope this helps, feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it. I know how horrible it can be when friends and family don't take you seriously!