Forum for emotional difficulties - Idea

Ada_B

I know none or few of us are professionals in the mental health field or marriage guidance field, but it seems to me we are regularly getting cries for help from people with difficulties. I wondered if it might be a compassionate thing to do to have a forum specifically for that kind of problem? To distinguish it from the run of the mill problems with meditation or other practice that we all experience?

We could have some useful links to helpful sites members have come across, that deal with that sort of thing in a Buddhist-friendly way. Also, many of us have been mental health service users, had marital difficulties or emotional problems, who might be able to share our experiences and thus support others. We do this anyway, I'm just thinking a specific forum might be a more organised way of doing it.

We could also have clear disclaimers that none of us are giving professional advice, and to seek the help of a doctor/counsellor/therapist if needed.

Linc

@Ada_B I like your intent. While I have no problem whatsoever with people who feel this is the their best alternative, I worry that creating such a category would been seen as a tacit endorsement of turning to this forum for serious mental distress. I don't want that level of responsibility.

compassionate_warrior

Ada_B, I haven't been on this forum very long, but my impression is that the "distress" threads began after a flood of new members in December, and early Jan. It could be just one of many "phases" the forum goes through as the membership ebbs and flows. maybe Lincoln can offer a perspective from his years on the forum.

Jeffrey

I like the distress threads. No member is forced to respond to them if they think they are somehow initiated without the best motives ie attention seeking. And if people can be helped its great. I don't see them as clutter though if there were too many I could see your point Ada. And emotional problems are not only obstacles to practice but they are often the starting point of following the dharma.

zombiegirl

We could also have clear disclaimers that none of us are giving professional advice, and to seek the help of a doctor/counsellor/therapist if needed.

i like your idea Ada. i think sometimes people really do need to be told to seek professional help, so in a way, although you might feel that it is not very helpful advice... without it, the person might just keep wandering around dwelling in their own suffering.

perhaps the forum title could just be "problems" or something general of the sort. i can think of many threads posted in the past that could fall under this category.

newtech

Hello.

Personally and talking without much foundation,
i think mixing "healty with unhealty" its the best way to heal.

Much Metta.

Dazzle

while I have no problem whatsoever with people who feel this is the their best alternative, I worry that creating such a category would been seen as a tacit endorsement of turning to this forum for serious mental distress. I don't want that level of responsibility.

I agree with Lincoln on this. I think that if people have serious mental health problems they need to be directed to offline professional counselling or else to seek an offline group where they can have face to face interaction with others and a supportive environment.

This is particularly important if they are alcoholics,heavy drug users, self-harming, or suicidal. Also, as with any internet chat group, people can get a range of different suggestions which may be helpful, but on the other hand may definately not be helpful for their difficulties.

Linc

Here's my nightmare: I make that category, someone posts to it, and the reply is some troll saying "Hahaha, go kill yourself then you'll be doing us all a favor" blah blah blah and there's no moderator around for a day or two to remove it.

You assume that it would be strictly helpful. I worry about the full gamut of what could go horribly wrong.

federica

The members-only forum was created in order to give people a place on this forum to post matters of a highly sensitive nature.
It's the one sub-forum on this site that is not open to surfing searches.

I think that's good, and I think that's sufficient.

Ada_B

@Lincoln I see what you mean, but how is that different to now? The only difference is that you could have a disclaimer to say that people should not take the advice of anyone on the forum and that people should always consult their doctor.

I'm on a couple of health groups which do this very successfully. Occasionally a troll does come on and make unhelpful "suggestions" but is the responsibility of all the members to be clear that we are not doctors and internet advice is only suggestions, not professional advice.

I think we should have such disclaimers anyway, incidentally. Not that people who are mentally unwell will necessarily take any notice of them.

My concern is mixing medical problems with spiritual ones. OK, so the dividing line is not huge, very often, but I dislike the idea that Buddhism is being sold as a cure for mental health problems. That is not the primary purpose of Buddhism. It also gives people the impression that if their illness prevents them from being calm and serene, they have failed as a Buddhist.

I have mental health problems myself, incidentally, so I'm not trying to be prejudiced. But to me it is not the reason I became a Buddhist.

Linc

how is that different to now?

If someone wanders to your door bleeding, you'll help patch them up. You don't, however, put out a sign inviting people to stop there on their way to the hospital.

I think we should have such disclaimers anyway, incidentally.

Ever read this forum's terms of service? Me neither.

Jeffrey

"I dislike the idea that Buddhism is being sold as a cure for mental health problems."

I agree with that totally. It upsets me also.

Simonthepilgrim

As one of those who may be termed a professional in this area, I think that it would be entirely inappropriate to have a separate category. It is true that some members bring problems to these boards and they get some support. They may even get useful advice or benefit by our words but, as Lincoln rightly says, this is not the purpose for which we come here. There are specific and professional boards available. We can point to those we know and share our own experiences. We can offer compassion and support. More than that would be arrogant and potentially dangerous.

Ada_B

I get your points, guys. It was just a thought. I was trying to think of how to be helpful to people, at the same time as clearly delineating medical problems from spiritual problems.

I was not suggesting we treat people or give them medical advice - quite the opposite, in fact. But if someone posts with a particular problem and someone else says "Oh yes, I've had that and this was how I dealt with the problem", that can be very helpful. It's the principle on which a majority of self-help groups (online and in real life) are based.

Sure, it is not the purpose of why we come here - but it clearly is the purpose of why many people come on to Buddhist sites. I've seen it many times. On some sites, there is hardly a Buddhist on there. They're all people with problems, looking for solutions. And I don't mean that to sound un-compassionate - of course those people and their problems are important. It's just when things get unbalanced and the board becomes something it is not meant to be.

Now I reckon I sound really mean about people with problems. That's not what I mean and I know a lot of people get into Buddhism through personal problems. But I think most of us are on the same page here. I'm sorry if my idea wasn't great.

federica

Your idea wasn't "not" great. It just needed input and feedback, and on the whole, while compassionate and well-meaning, it might be shown to have its disadvantages.

Thank you for suggesting it. I hope conversely, you don't feel 'shouted down'.

Jeffrey

I would say don't post in those threads if they bother you. Some types of threads bother me. And I don't read them.

Linc

@Ada_B Yes, what @federica said. No problem floating ideas, I'm glad you were thinking about how to improve the site.

lightlotus

"I dislike the idea that Buddhism is being sold as a cure for mental health problems."

I agree with that totally. It upsets me also.

I've moaned here plenty and thought maybe I should not be, but then I kind of treat this place like my sangha. And im learning from you all. The thing is where were do you draw a line from actually being able to advise someone to seek medical advice? And ensuring they take it.

I think Buddhism being linked to a cure for mental health problems is because its opens your mind amd empowers you to be able to help yourself.

Jeffrey

I think it is helpful too lightlotus. I am mentally ill. But I think it is irresponsible to discourage someone from getting other forms of help. If a chiropractor helps someone fine. I may not believe in it but to actively discourage people implies that I am responsible for them or at least I think it is harmful to act as if I know something about chiropractism do to my own bias.

I think buddhism could help you from the experience of breaking your leg. But if I would call an ambulance and hopefully a shot of drugs and set the bone first. After that they can practice buddhism while on crutches.

lightlotus

Hi Jeffery,

Ah with those examples the scenario changes. My dad has a mental illness and the stress of helping his condition adds a knock on stress to my mum. So I can help my mum by taking her to yoga with me - showing her a meditation out of a book i picked up recently. I can help that - but If Im reading a discussion which i think could help a person to decide what next step is - thats ok. I get involved.

I've found meditation to work wonders for me, but sometimes people do need to talk to people that they dont meet on a daily basis (or know) and get these issues out to realise how severe or trivial a problem is.

LL