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Don't know where to go next (jobless, soon to be homeless and pretty much broke.)
Well, where to begin. My family and I have not gotten along in a long time. See, to them, taking up Buddhism might as well be declaring myself the anti-christ. Even though I said I could still remain Christian, they wont have it. And no amount of talking or explaining or anything else I can think of seems to change their minds. Anyway, recently, my mother and I argued, and that was, as she put it "the last straw". It seems I'm going to be cut off. They were helping me through school, now canceled the payment, and are kicking me out of the house. And I just lost my job because the place I was employed was shut down a few weeks ago.
So, I've no job, maybe a thousand dollars to my name (which I'm not sure I will actually get, as it's in a CD account under my fathers name), no home, and am probably going to be kicked out of school because I cannot afford my tuition.
Strangely, I'm not as upset as I probably should be. I have little attachment to any of these things. My family is kind of already broken, I was only going through school because my father wanted me to have a degree, and well, I've already been out of a job, and am not a money oriented person anyway. My concern isn't emotional at this point, it's more just, what should I do to survive?
I know this isn't what this forum is for, but can anyone give me some advice? I'm worried that things will kind or snowball. I'll be on the street, I can't apply for any legitimate jobs without an address, and the time it takes for applications to go through I'd have already been out of the house for a few weeks. Can I just walk into a police station and ask them where I can go for shelter and work? or are there like live in work programs? (I'm in the US, in the north east, btw.) I don't want to just become a hobo, I mean, I don't care about luxuries, but I am young and able, I see no reason why I can't work. It's just I have no idea how a homeless person find's work. Are there any monasteries that allow one to live there in exchange for work? I know a lot of them here in America actually cost money so I can't actually live at one and become a monk. Though I've long considered joining as a trainee after college anyway.
Can anyone help me in any way?
So, I've no job, maybe a thousand dollars to my name (which I'm not sure I will actually get, as it's in a CD account under my fathers name), no home, and am probably going to be kicked out of school because I cannot afford my tuition.
Strangely, I'm not as upset as I probably should be. I have little attachment to any of these things. My family is kind of already broken, I was only going through school because my father wanted me to have a degree, and well, I've already been out of a job, and am not a money oriented person anyway. My concern isn't emotional at this point, it's more just, what should I do to survive?
I know this isn't what this forum is for, but can anyone give me some advice? I'm worried that things will kind or snowball. I'll be on the street, I can't apply for any legitimate jobs without an address, and the time it takes for applications to go through I'd have already been out of the house for a few weeks. Can I just walk into a police station and ask them where I can go for shelter and work? or are there like live in work programs? (I'm in the US, in the north east, btw.) I don't want to just become a hobo, I mean, I don't care about luxuries, but I am young and able, I see no reason why I can't work. It's just I have no idea how a homeless person find's work. Are there any monasteries that allow one to live there in exchange for work? I know a lot of them here in America actually cost money so I can't actually live at one and become a monk. Though I've long considered joining as a trainee after college anyway.
Can anyone help me in any way?
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Comments
Good luck
And I'm sure there has to be something too, I just have no idea what it is or how to go about getting it done. It's not a situation I've ever been in before. It's kind of like the first time I did taxes, except screwing this up can lead to me dying in a street somewhere (it's winter here, btw.) Ideally, I'd love to join a monastery. I'd be willing to work for the ability to stay there as well. but honestly I don't know of any that would have me (It's kind of sad in a way, I'm too poor to join a monastery around here). Of course, another problem would be getting there. I'd have to be able to get there on foot, unless there's one close enough I could ask a friend to drive me.
And I know, I have no ill will towards my family, I wish I could make them understand, but it seems impossible. and honestly, I'm not fighting about it, because I think things will be a bit easier on them if I leave anyway. Like I said, my family is already broken, but my parents do love each other, it's us, their children that seem to be the cause of most the trouble. And I'm tired of depending on them for everything anyway. It's appreciated that they've been there for me, but I'm tired of fighting, and feel I should leave now. So this turn of events may be the best for me anyhow.
You mention you are in school. Your college (I assume you are in college) might have councilors to help with various options available including short term financial aid?
Where are you in North East? Pending on the city, there are also a variety of places available.
The place is filled with people with compassionate hearts and maybe we can offer some good intentions and ideas for you. Any help you need in research for jobs, options, resumes, etcs...feel free to hit me up.
vfby, I'm in Essex County New Jersey. And thank you for your support.
former monk john, I don't know, my payments weren't due yet for this semester, so it may be too late for financial aid this term if my father decides not to pay for even this one. I'll check in with the financial aid department tomorrow though and see what they recommend. And I wish I could, but it's not really a matter of aggression over a single incident. There's more going on then I'd like to share here, but mainly it's because they refuse to accept my beliefs. I was hoping they'd come around, but it's been years since I started studying Buddhism, and a full year since I've told them about it, they just don't want to accept that someone in their family isn't a good christian I guess.
I've also just sent an email to a meditation center nearby, and asked if they could get me in touch with someone who could help me join a Sangha. I know it'll be a difficult road ahead, and that life at a temple is hard work, but the more I try to think about it, the more it just seems right. I not only have the opportunity to do what I've wanted for a long time, but I'm almost being thrown into it.
basically you're just being faced with being an adult and no longer depending on your parents for everything, you could apply for a job at your school, tell them you won't be able to keep attending if you don't get a job.
And I just talked to my dad, he said if I drop out of college I'm paying him back everything he's put into it (which is a lot more than tuition. That's fair, I can't complain, he helped me more than I probably deserve, and I'm sure he's not happy about this either. But I'm kind of stuck both ways now. I can't afford college, and I can't afford not to go to college. I talked to a friend too, he said he could get me part time work, but it's not going to be enough to pay for much. It's only a few nights a week minimum wage. It's a start though. If I can find a second job, and can move out, I'm sure as a non-dependent with low income, financial aid can help me out. I may have to become a part-time student though if I'm working two jobs. Now the big question is where should I go to stay? How do shelters work? can I just show up with my bags and say I've been kicked out? and they'll tell me what I have to fill out? I mean, I obviously can't afford to pay rent anywhere, so shelters seem like my only option. And how does being a student work? will they help me get to and from, or am I on my own for all transportation?
... It's kind of sad that I couldn't care less where I end up, but the one thing that I find upsetting is that I'm going to be paying off college loans for probably the better part of the rest of my life now that I've got no help.
I have a month, I guess it all comes down to doing whatever you have to do.
Economy is messed up here in USA.
However, there is definitely jobs.
During recession there was a lot of unemployed, but there were jobs.
Just the competition is fierce...
i mean you have touched a soft spot with me as that is my fear that if i ever told my family that I have converted that they would cut me off too - then I came to a decision that they dont need to know buddhism is in my heart and it cant be shaken out.
Are you sure your finally being cut off? Or was this decided as a heat of the moment thing?
Light Lotus
lightlotus, yes, they were quite calm about the whole thing actually. Though I think they thought I'd give up Buddhism if given the ultimatum, but yeah, they told me they want me out by Sunday. and I did that for a while, but I got sick of it, and though if I had known it would be like this I wouldn't have told them, I'm not going renounce it no matter what. I understand their fears, they're brainwashed by the type of community they grew up in, but I will not change who I am so they can remain in their safe little perfect christian world. At least that's how I look at it.
LeonBasin, Well, at least you've got the month to soft things out. Though I understand it's more of the uprooting of how you've lived than the actual idea of being kicked out that's hard to handle, if I were in your shoes I'd do some serious job hunting while you have the time. Best of luck with your situation. and about the whole economy thing, I agree, but the I think personally, my biggest issue is I don't have any real skills. I've worked as a minimum wage employee for years doing clean up and cashier work, and without a degree my college experience doesn't mean much to anyone. I'm willing to learn anything, but most employers want people who already know what they're doing. So I don't have much to bring to this competitive atmosphere.
but it makes little difference. The part time work thing is set, so I'll at least have a small income. And for now I'll just find a shelter. Thankfully it turns out my dad did pay tuition this semester, so I still have my school computers and of course the public libraries for information I need to get by, and I can keep looking for either a better job or a second job. I'll talk to financial aid tomorrow and see what they can do. And though I don't want to have to do this to my father, I have no legal obligations to pay him back for school, he payed himself. So if he really turns around and says that he's not paying, but if I drop I have to pay him back, I can refuse, as he's literally trying to put me in a situation he knows I can't handle to teach me a lesson (which if it were something like, appreciate what we've done I'd say fine, but we don't like your religion is not something I'm willing to accept. though.
Anyway, for now I have shelter, and a means to make money, at least I know I can survive no matter what happens.
ps i can't help but think you are using religion as a scapegoat for a much bigger problem you are having with your parents, that your not revealing here, me suspects your wanting to drop out of college is a much bigger issue.
Secondly - I would tell my parents that I have given up Buddhism. Once you've finished college, started a job and are able to make your own way - you can practice whole-heartedly.
why would you want him to do that?
What I am saying is for you not to tell him anything.
He will make his own decision if it works for him then who are we to tell him otherwise?
Also, I am somewhat in the same situation, so I do understand where he is coming from.
Once again... What we are suggesting is for him to make his own choices.
You are telling him to basically hold his feelings back...
Therefore, hurting him even further.
That is also not right.
Therefore, I say he needs to do whatever he feels in his heart and being he needs to do.
As no one and I mean no one should take that away from anyone.
If he is getting hurt and feels powerless why would you suggest otherwise?
My advice is to play the game to prevent from being out on the streets. If he wants to follow his "belief" and become a hobo - that is his choice. It is clear from what he has said that he doesn't have much of choice other than going to shelter or similar place - which again - if he wants to do that - he can be my guest.
This wouldn't be very skillful though
Just my 2 cents - not the begin all and end all
You can also read and post ads on craigslist. Even when you're honest and desperate on craigslist sometimes you get useful responses that are local. They have a section dedicated to helping you find room mates to live with. If you post and read there enough you could possibly find a job or more income too.
Lol.
You can also make a list of pro's and con's
Tell my parents I gave up studying Buddhism?
Pro: They will be happy and relieved, I will ease tension, I will continue school, I will have a place to live, I will be able to have a better future,
I will be able to practice still, I won't get a bad credit-evaluation from debt.
Con: I will be committing a minor deception, I will fail one of my principles
Seriously - think about it
@kc39850p - One more thing I would like to add - how do you think you will be able to practice Buddhism if you are out on the street? You need the proper base to practice and living in a shelter or on the street for that matter will not allow for that.
Living with your parents and doing your practice in secret is better for achieving your long term goal.
I made the decision to keep my conversion a secret as this because I want to protect my parents from pain and sufferring - yes my family is not as liberal as they all claim to be so I keep buddhism in my heart. But yes my parents can see a positive change in me - due to my mind being calm and attitude changing.
My advice would be to separate the issues out and address them individually - as former monk john said if there is more to it than just your conversion dont let your faith become a scapegoat. Sometimes dealing with irrating relatives can be a really good skill to master!