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cancer is a cancer
ThailandTom
Veteran
I am enduring a very tough and annoying situation that is complex, that really does bother me and cause me to suffer.
To try and cut it short, I live in a guest house/spa type place and I am in a relationship with somebody who works there. Somebody who stays here has cancer, she seems to be recovering from it thankfully, but I hate to say that she seems to be a cancer of sort within this community if you will.
The boss of this place does not like the idea of me having this relationship, although she has not told me directly it is obvious. The problem is that this woman with cancer has a lot of money as she married some wealthy guy from England. She listens to what people say, she spreads gossips and gossips and I am pretty certain says things that are not true. It has caused a tense atmosphere for me and my partner. The staff who work here use to talk to me more, be more kind and respectful, but now there is this clear atmosphere.
Sometimes I am okay talking to people but as soon as this person comes along things change and everything is directed at her. She instigates a lot of what goes on and I just know she has something against me for some reason.
I cannot really leave this place just yet as I do not wish to leave my partner, she cannot leave because she has a good job, we are planning to move within the next 3 months but until then every day is full of anxiety, tension and awkward situations. It doesn't help that I am the only foreign person involved in the whole situation.
I have tried to be helpful, to smile and talk to people in a civil way, but I am afraid that the words of this person have gone deeper and I am fighting a losing battle. I cannot talk to or spend much time with my partner during the day as the boss gets angry and will be stroppy for a day or so, but we do share the nights together. We sometimes go out at different times and meet for an hour or less, but the real issues of the 'community' disliking me due to the words of this person is really getting me down. I feel alienated, alone at times and being so far from home do not know what to do.
Can anybody out there give me some advice on how to conduct myself and how to approach this mentally. Not to mention I am tapering down from a high dose valium binge and have been tapering for the past 10 weeks. Any advice would be great, thanks Tom
To try and cut it short, I live in a guest house/spa type place and I am in a relationship with somebody who works there. Somebody who stays here has cancer, she seems to be recovering from it thankfully, but I hate to say that she seems to be a cancer of sort within this community if you will.
The boss of this place does not like the idea of me having this relationship, although she has not told me directly it is obvious. The problem is that this woman with cancer has a lot of money as she married some wealthy guy from England. She listens to what people say, she spreads gossips and gossips and I am pretty certain says things that are not true. It has caused a tense atmosphere for me and my partner. The staff who work here use to talk to me more, be more kind and respectful, but now there is this clear atmosphere.
Sometimes I am okay talking to people but as soon as this person comes along things change and everything is directed at her. She instigates a lot of what goes on and I just know she has something against me for some reason.
I cannot really leave this place just yet as I do not wish to leave my partner, she cannot leave because she has a good job, we are planning to move within the next 3 months but until then every day is full of anxiety, tension and awkward situations. It doesn't help that I am the only foreign person involved in the whole situation.
I have tried to be helpful, to smile and talk to people in a civil way, but I am afraid that the words of this person have gone deeper and I am fighting a losing battle. I cannot talk to or spend much time with my partner during the day as the boss gets angry and will be stroppy for a day or so, but we do share the nights together. We sometimes go out at different times and meet for an hour or less, but the real issues of the 'community' disliking me due to the words of this person is really getting me down. I feel alienated, alone at times and being so far from home do not know what to do.
Can anybody out there give me some advice on how to conduct myself and how to approach this mentally. Not to mention I am tapering down from a high dose valium binge and have been tapering for the past 10 weeks. Any advice would be great, thanks Tom
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Comments
firstly - please allow me to point out that you made ALOT of assumptions in this situation. how accurate do you think these assumptions are?
Secondly - I will say that it's only 3 months. Let it go by. Focus on yourself. Your partner. If you work - then focus on that. If you practice - focus on that. Hopefully from that you should experience the absolute unimportance of this situation.
Thirdly - out of interest - Do you really care what this person has said about you, if she in fact said anything at all?
fourthly - just humor me - why was it important to mention that she is rich or has cancer?
It is only 3 months yes, but I feel like I may go crazy as the tapering of my valium binge does not help. The situation to me does have importance because it impacts my day to day life and relationship. The problem with me is that I have a good understanding of the dharma but fail to put most of it into practice. The matter of impermanence, non self etc.
I do not know why I mentioned she has cancer, I guess because it was an apt name for the thread and it seems to me as if she is a cancer on the 'community' in my eyes. Her wealth fuels her power of word and of trust to everyone around us. My partner is bored of the gossip as I am, it has caused us to become depressed at times, to feel helpless and alienated. For one example, the other night one of the staff members came back in the evening with food she had made for everyone, normally we would all eat together but me and my partner were not even offered anything. I am sure if we asked she would have said yes but we were alienated the same. This person with cancer will choose to sit else where if I am around and the majority of people will then go and communicate with her as if I do not exist, something very different from 2 weeks ago.
Just breathe - you can't change what has happened.
I don't know why, but it is never nice to have things said about ourselves behind our backs, is it?
This lady must be getting some sort of pleasure out of it
(i don't believe we do anything unless we experience pleasure/benefits from it) - so take it for what it is.
If you feel you can politely confront her - then do so with an open mind - and with only one goal in mind - to let her know how you feel. Do not expect anything in return though - just try to create a platform to openly discuss. DO NOT GET EMOTIONAL!
That is how I would've handled it - hope it helps.
also, i'm very glad to hear your are tapering down your valium intake. :thumbsup:
I think the breathing technique is a good one to bring into any situation, even though I have tried it only several times. Also as rainbow stated, if I look at the entire situation objectively, it isn't really that important.
This is one of those forces which I cannot control and wish I could do, under my ignorance I strive to have the current situation in a certain way, but it cannot be so I guess I must accept it for what it is.. I just wish I was not so alienated sometimes.