Shooing Lust

MindGate

How should an overly sexual person, whether they be adult or teenager, deal with being overbearingly sexual with their significant other?

Jeffrey

What do you mean? You mean you want it more than they do or vice versa? Use condoms.

Vincenzi

maybe something like this can help:
don't see each other in a few days
and, when seeing each other again... do non sexual activities for a few days (for a different perspective on the relationship)

if that doesn't help... practice ahimsa, and focus in advancing in other aspects.

DhammaDhatu

Hi

For me, different people have different degrees of sexual desire & need. If we love the other & care for maintaining the relationship, it may be best to respect their wishes. Here, we can transform our sexual love (raga) into loving-kindness (metta).

The Buddha taught relationship requires at least four qualities, namely, honesty (sacca), training in goodness/self-improvement (dama), patient endurance (kanti) and generosity/sacrifice (caga).

For the sake of maintaining a relationship, one can use loving-kindness to make a small sacrifice.

But of course, as the Buddha suggested, honest communication or talking about it comes first.

Kind regards

Theswingisyellow

"The Buddha taught relationship requires at least four qualities, namely, honesty (sacca), training in goodness/self-improvement (dama), patient endurance (kanti) and generosity/sacrifice (caga)".
DD thank you for posting that.

ShiftPlusOne

DD, where's that from?

MG, all I can say is that it will pass. Work on other aspect of the relationship and all will fall into place.

Epicurus

Realize that that sexual urge is really your body's way of telling you it's not getting enough satisfaction in life IN GENERAL (and not so much in the sexual department). We aren't always wanting to have sex....because there are other ways to get satisfaction. And many of them grant us much more long lived satisfaction. You gotta work on THOSE areas of your life. And sex won't be on your mind so much.

compassionate_warrior

Realize that that sexual urge is really your body's way of telling you it's not getting enough satisfaction in life IN GENERAL (and not so much in the sexual department). We aren't always wanting to have sex....because there are other ways to get satisfaction. And many of them grant us much more long lived satisfaction. You gotta work on THOSE areas of your life. And sex won't be on your mind so much.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Epicurus. This is easier said than done, depending on the person's circumstances, but good advice.

DhammaDhatu

DD, where's that from?

Hi Shift+1

This is a popular teaching in Thailand, called The Household Dhammas (gharavasa-dhamma).

In the suttas, it is found in SN 10.12: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn10/sn10.012.than.html

Endowed with these four qualities,
— truth,
self-control,
stamina,
relinquishment —
a householder of conviction,
on passing away, doesn't grieve.

Bhikkhu Bodhi translates:

The faithful seeker of the household life
In who dwell these four qualities -
Truth, Dhamma, steadfastness, generosity -
Does not sorrow when he passes on.

However, the Pali is 'damma' rather than 'Dhamma'.

Damma (adj.) [Sk. damya, grd. of dāmyati see dameti & cp. damaya (damiya)] to be tamed or restrained; esp. with ref. to a young bullock M i.225 (balagāvā dammagāvā the bulls & the young steers); It 80; also of other animals: assadamma -- sārathi a horse -- trainer A ii.112; & fig. of unconverted men likened to refractory bullocks in phrase purisa -- damma -- sārathi (Ep. of the Buddha) "the trainer of the human steer" D i.62

A commentary is here: http://www.mahidol.ac.th/budsir/Part2_3.htm#13

Warm regards

DD

ShiftPlusOne

Thanks, DD.