Can't escape.

Bodhgaya

I feel like I can't escape how I use to act. I feel differently from how I was, but I'm drawn and caught up in old people, and how they are now is how I use to be. I feel that's something I can't get away from unless I leave here all together.

lightlotus

hi

Can you elaborate a little more?

LL

SherabDorje

Bodhgaya- I get the impression that you often almost answer your own questions- that is, by the time you post here you have often nearly decided. And I get the impression that you're close to that again this time.

Bodhgaya

I'm not sure if that's a positive or negative, but I can see that.

And it's not 'friends' per say, they believe we are but I say not (though they don't know). And it's in class that I have to be around them. When they're bashing someone/thing or just be ridiculous, I sometimes find myself acting slightly like that at times, or even if I'm not, they turn it into something they'd say or do. I hate it, I do. But I can't very well say 'screw off,' because there's no need to cause such a problem, A. I have class with them, B. I may just never see them again after school! Sometimes I just get caught up in hurtful gossip or anger. Their mood rubs off on me and it becomes mine. Meditation has helped, but when I don't act like they do, they think I'm angry or something.

I remember a quote thay says 'He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.' So I try not to speak too much, but sometimes I get some strange, nagging feeling to talk, about nothing! Gossip, idleness, etc.

Bodhgaya

And it's like, when I'm not around them, damn I feel so much better.
I cherish my alone time, but I like being around people. I just don't know what to do about them 'interpreting' what I say or how I 'conform,' so to speak, to them- reverting to my old ways. I suppose they are just habits, afterall. But maybe they aren't?

compassionate_warrior

Vigilant mindfulness of when you're drawn to behave in ways you'd really prefer not to, and time (to practice and develop your mindfulness, and implement behavioral changes) could do the trick. Be patient with yourself. And look to make friends with people who have qualities that you admire.

Bodhgaya

That's good advice, it is. I have caught myself often- often to where when I tell anyone about it, they think I over anaylze like a freak. There really aren't that many people around here that I feel I would want to be friends with. I guess you could say I'm picky- I just feel that people who are negative about others or situations often get me down.

Can you meditate in a class with a loud teacher and students? I'm not sure if it could be a really deep meditation, or just mindfulness.

compassionate_warrior

Well, in response to your comment about being "picky" about friends, I might say that "heedless" people are many, "virtuous" friends are rare. So it will take time to find acquaintances who conform with your value system and interests. Be patient, and keep your eyes open. And bear in mind that potential friends can come an all ages, colors, genders. All you need is one or two close friends, not a posse. Good luck.

Bodhgaya

Many thanks. I have been keeping my eyes peeled, but I'm not sure high school in the school is the place to go. I'm not complaining, I've had my share of groups, I suppose my bridge to adulthood will be spent mostly alone.

compassionate_warrior

Oh. High School. Well, look around outside of school. How do you spend your summers? If you work, you might meet people through work. Summer camp is a good place to meet people. Volunteer work. Brainstorm a bit. Is there a dharma center anywhere near you?

lightlotus

please dont take this question the wrong way i dont want to come accross like a snob or patronising, How old are you?

its pretty cool that you think so deeply at high school! If i was more commpassionate from my high school years I could have prevented some of the sufferring i had in my later life!

Bodhgaya

I don't work, but I'm moving off this summer! I don't really think so, but I haven't checked around here. I believe there is one in the next state, but even if it were in the same state as I, if it was more than an hour away, my folks would not allow me to go.

Bodhgaya

I'm 17, hehhe.

And thank you.

compassionate_warrior

Well, you're moving to a new local this summer. So, hang tight and see what turns up in your new neighborhood. In the meantime, consider this an opportunity to practice not only mindfulness, but patience.

Bodhgaya

I am! I am agitated at home, though. I have a few dogs and my family is not so mindful of them. Though my parents do yell at them often, I realised I'd rather it be that than them hurt them. I have had to intervene before because my father figure is ignorant and..... hurts them.

lightlotus

I'm 17, hehhe.

And thank you.

ok im nothing like the person I was at 17. Not even similar to the one I was at 27! Now that i'm 29 im still learning more and more about handling difficult people and irratating ones - its a skill to have because in reality there are a lot of jerks out there. If you can master the art of dealing with negative people and not letting that take you down too thats valueable.

Plus if you are surrounded by people that bring out the worst in you that can be a good thing.

Bodhgaya

I can see where you're coming from, but I can't understand really. I guess because you can learn that there's something for you to overcome. No obstacles, only challenges. If these weren't here, i wouldn't be able to better myself, for myself and everyone else after this. hm?

lightlotus

people who affect me on a emotion level say positive or negative - lately really help me to find a central ground.

postive people help you to be happy and the negative ones test you - your patience and the level of compassion you have for them. Even down to how much you would do help a person.

I have an irratating and ignorant (like you said about your dad!) older sister who is helping me to realise this!

Bodhgaya

Then we have that in common. I suppose another thing about suffering, so to speak, is the common ground it provides for people. The ability to feel what anothers feel, empathy and sympathy. Compassion :*

lightlotus

compassion can lead to doormat status. Be careful there.

Bodhgaya

Oh, yes. Fed has said this: Wise compassion and idiot compassion.
Wise: helping them learn to help themselves, versus just doing it for them.
But it depends on the situation for those. Say someone dropped a bag and has 10 in their arms already, I would pick it up and ask to carry a few for them.

lightlotus

Everyone is different and the differences between people can cause compassionate people to be walked all over. The shopping bag example is a good deed - I now just refuse to help my sister out anymore.

Bodhgaya

Well, why do you say that?
I have a sister issue, at times, myself.

lightlotus

oh im talking of a 37 year old one that at times acts what 12! :banghead:

Compassion has to stop sometimes - for selfish reasons.

Bodhgaya

It depends if you're being skilful with your compassion

But I suppose the situation varies, there are some times when you need to do you before anyone else. If you don't help yourself, you can't help others because you'll turn out frustrated or depleted of energy and joy.