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"The Now" can be frightening

KyleKyle
edited February 2011 in Buddhism Basics
Granted I'm new to a lot of this: I've been meditating daily for about 5 months, and carrying it into my daily activities for only about the past two months (I.e. Being in the now with whatever task I'm carrying out). It alternates between being very comforting and being somewhat scary and lonesome, however. The moment feels very real, but it almost feels like I'm watching through another set of eyes... Or like I'm in a very real movie.

Is this just because I've sent so much time not enjoying the moment that being here now is unfamiliar? Am I doing something wrong, or will I get past this?

Comments

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited February 2011
    it almost feels like I'm watching through another set of eyes... Or like I'm in a very real movie.
    That's how it's supposed to be, like you're observing yourself from a distance. But it's not supposed to be scary. Could be simply that the sensation is unfamiliar. Give it time. And let go of any expectations you may have related to it.

  • CloudCloud Veteran
    Sounds good to me. This is your awareness distancing itself from what is going on, no longer seeing these events as being really you or yours. There's only mind and form. Sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, and all mental formations (thoughts, feelings, perceptions).
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    I have a feeling someone is going to end up saying, "Observe the fear. Just merely observe and then let it reside naturally." Or something to a similar effect.

    I'm not sure if thats good, practical advice or not.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    I have a feeling someone is going to end up saying, "Observe the fear. Just merely observe and then let it reside naturally." Or something to a similar effect.
    That's funny, MG; you've really picked up some tricks on this site! And I think it's a good idea; being mindful of the fear, and then letting it go. Or noticing if there's anything behind the fear, any other cause.

  • KyleKyle
    edited February 2011
    I expected the "observe the fear", and "let go of expectations" responses, because that's generally what I do when it creeps up -- and it works. The fear will pretty much subside, but will come of up again soon enough.

    The hypochondriac in me is concerned that I'm going down the wrong path, and by observing the sensation too long, I'll end up crazy.
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Personally, I feel as though there is nothing to fear.

    Buddha once said, "The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed."

    What is there to be afraid of but fear itself?
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    What's making you crazy is the worry that it'll make you crazy! So, lighten up. And that's very cool that you already figured out how to deal with it (mindfulness) and that it's working! Congratulations. You're not going down the wrong path. Any problems with the meditation itself, the sitting?
  • Now-Is-realityNow-Is-reality


    The hypochondriac in me is concerned that I'm going down the wrong path, and by observing the sensation too long, I'll end up crazy.
    Buddhism. :) But honestly I would have to note that all people, regardless of religion or even path in buddhism must question for themselves whether or not this is truly what they want. And henceforth that fear may in fact be a fear of the foreign nature of the way you have come to see things now -- thus threatening to old values. It will come. It will go. And if you stay with buddhism, and get to the point where you're ready to face that, then all the power to you and best of luck with your path.

    And if there is another reason why you fear, then understand why you fear.
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    image

    Buddhism didn't make me crazy. What makes you think it makes people crazy. I'm not crazy. Buddhism didn't make me crazy. What makes you think it makes people crazy. Buddhism didn't make me crazy. What makes you think it makes people crazy.

    You silly. Wally, my green rabbit, says that craziness doesn't exist. Heh, heh, heh.

    image
  • Now-Is-realityNow-Is-reality
    Oh goodness, who let mindgate out of the buddhist loony bin section of the forum. O.o hahah
  • KyleKyle
    @Dakani - Yes, I know this future fretting is precisely the thing that we are trying to snuff out. Although I heard it's skillful to plan for the future, and not going crazy seems like as good a plan as any.


    The hypochondriac in me is concerned that I'm going down the wrong path, and by observing the sensation too long, I'll end up crazy.
    Buddhism. :) But honestly I would have to note that all people, regardless of religion or even path in buddhism must question for themselves whether or not this is truly what they want. And henceforth that fear may in fact be a fear of the foreign nature of the way you have come to see things now -- thus threatening to old values. It will come. It will go. And if you stay with buddhism, and get to the point where you're ready to face that, then all the power to you and best of luck with your path.

    And if there is another reason why you fear, then understand why you fear.
    I haven't gotten into very advanced teachings, so I'm really not sure what about watching my thoughts and concentrating on the now is making me feel this way. It seems as if I've been receiving this advice my entire life from all different sources, buddhism being just one of them, and it's never frightened me. Perhaps for the first time, I'm taking it to heart.

    @Mindgate - i think you left the gate open.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    You should listen to Wally, the green rabbit; he says fear doesn't exist, it's all in your mind.
    @Mindgate - i think you left the gate open.
  • SherabDorjeSherabDorje

    @Mindgate - i think you left the gate open.
    I think you'll be OK- humor counts for a lot.

  • Now-Is-realityNow-Is-reality
    Well I think there is a difference that you're coming to realize between yourself, (ie mind: thoughts, perceptions, desires etc. Basically the five aggregates or skandhas) and your physical self. Meaning most of your life you likely lived by the idea that everything that happens is happening at once. You see, you perceive. However your perceptions and ideas and opinions are instead a fold of your mind manifesting into you. But once you become more mindful. That is realize that you're not your mind (you have control of your mind rather than your mind having control of you) your view changes.

    Just some thoughts.

    And yeah... dang, I thought I closed the gate. Dang. Last time I visit them if you're going to be like that! Humph! :)
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Kyle, do you visit a sangha or zendo?
  • KyleKyle
    But once you become more mindful. That is realize that you're not your mind (you have control of your mind rather than your mind having control of you) your view changes.
    I've always believed I have control of my mind. I think for the first time ever, I nearly finally do.

    @Mindgate - i do not. Tis forum is the closest thing i have so far.
  • CloudCloud Veteran
    edited February 2011
    My mind goes whither it will without me, but it tends to make good choices, if not have the best thoughts. Kinda hard to call it mine, all things considered. More like "this mind here".
  • DisneyDisney
    Is awesomely lonesome and scary to a certain extent if you would to think about it. Free up your thinking or look for a partner to hug :p
  • DisneyDisney
    Is awesomely lonesome and scary to a certain extent if you would to think about it. Free up your thinking or look for a partner to hug :p
    Buddha Sakyamuni also very lonesome but super awesomely dwelling in meditational bliss :p
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    fear is a good indicator that you're near. keep going!
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    "Observe the fear. Just merely observe and then let it reside naturally." Or something to a similar effect.
    I'm not sure if thats good, practical advice or not.
    Sounds like good advice to me. It does seem that recognising these feelings gives them "permission" to pass and cease. Impermanence is both scary and liberating. ;-)

    P
  • still_learningstill_learning Veteran
    Hi Kyle,

    Maybe your fear is just fear of the unknown because what you're feeling is so new to you.

    Maybe the feeling you have is you being less attached to the material world, and that's a good thing. Your other set of eyes might be just you no longer getting caught up in the drama of society we live in. Did some things that usually bother you seem trivial? After a good meditation session, I feel something like that.

    I'm no expert, that's just my guess. :)



  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Mindfulness does itself. The whole notion of an I becoming mindful is flawed from the beginning. But yet there is an experience that people are pointing to when they say 'mindfulness'.. Don't make a big heavy project out of forcing or controling your mind. Its not like that. Its more like trusting something that is natural. Its difficult to describe mindfulness in language that is not misleading. You just have to link into it. The fear comes from forcing or ideation about losing something. What will happen if I step into this space that is different from the usual way?

    So we sit and sit and if we are lucky enough we will wake up. But we keep going and eventually we are gbound to get it.

    In mindfulness there is never staleness. Its always fresh and new. Its kind of like impermanence but thats too easy to understand in a conceptual way. Like a seed grows and makes a flower. There is a continuity. But at no point is there ever anything there. It is flowing and makesoops never makes its way into being.

    Awareness comes conscious and then fades. There is a continuity in time. But then we realize there is no time. A distortion happens, but we we realize that we cannot grasp and fix this mindfulness. But at the same time we experience it all the time.
  • KyleKyle
    I have been mindful of this slight anxiety for the past week or so, and I've come closer to the root of the problem, i think. It's not that I find the now frightening, it's that after spending a couple months focused on staying in the now and letting thoughts of the past and future slip by, that I feel I don't have much to look forward to. I mean, the now is great, but the now without a bit of direction and hope seems, well, hopeless.

    I liked the optimism that I used to have, and I have a lot of fond memories to reflect on. I feel lost and a bit depressed when I downplay these.
  • finding0finding0 Veteran
    As the ego begins to fade we may experience feer from time to time. it is the egos way of trying to gain power back. The ego can not understand that of which we truly are. Stay true to your heart. The more one can remains silent and in this moment the more it will integrate into their being. The fears fill stop. All thoughts will stop. And there will be just you. Only you. You as the oneness that is all here and now as it is. You will see your self as the form and the formless. Dwell with in the heart
    Namaste
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    "I feel I don't have much to look forward to. I mean, the now is great"

    Isn't this a contradiction? I would bet the now is sucking right now. Mindfulness is a balance of factors. And like balancing it goes by feel and it has a bit of overcorrection versus in the zone. When you are out of it just notice that. Notice your body perhaps? What does the posture you are in say to you? How does it feel when you are conscious of posture? Tension? Does certain postures make you feel lighter and different. Notice these things with a sense of play and also a sense of letting go of having it all together.

    Just my 2 cents.
  • KyleKyle
    edited March 2011
    "I feel I don't have much to look forward to. I mean, the now is great"

    Isn't this a contradiction? I would bet the now is sucking right now. Mindfulness is a balance of factors. And like balancing it goes by feel and it has a bit of overcorrection versus in the zone. When you are out of it just notice that. Notice your body perhaps? What does the posture you are in say to you? How does it feel when you are conscious of posture? Tension? Does certain postures make you feel lighter and different. Notice these things with a sense of play and also a sense of letting go of having it all together.

    Just my 2 cents.
    Thanks, Jeffrey. Repeated back to me, it does sound like a contradiction. I guess I meant, when you're in the now and letting thoughts (even good ones) of the future float past without reacting or judging, it doesn't give me the positive feeling it once would. The positive and negative feelings are muted.

    These feelings never occur when I'm sitting in meditation; rather, they occur when I'm engaged in everyday life but trying to be mindful of the situation I'm in, i.e. on the subway or walking to dinner with friends.

  • EpicurusEpicurus
    If you don't think you are getting any benefit from it, then stop. Remember WHY you are on this path. No faith should be required of you in order to enjoy the benefits of meditation or any other technique, really. If you don't FEEL it's an improvement, then let it go.

    And I do mean feel. If you're aversion to that feeling is merely some sort of fear related to something else....then it's bearing fruit no? It's showing you some other fear you might want to tackle. "Am I a weird person now because I'm experiencing these things?", "Am I losing my mind?". Whatever it is, give it some thought. Or you could just observe it and learn from it, I guess :)
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    Kyle,

    Consider doing some deeds of generosity. You might find that in the absence of past/future distraction, helping others is pretty incredible.

    With warmth,

    Matt
  • RogerRoger
    edited March 2011
    On a different wavelength maybe:

    Gotta develop those coping skills and keep them in your shirt pocket for quick and easy deployment. "Scary and lonesome," like you observe, was a fact of life for early humans. Remember human brain still has this vague connection to instinct and survival (literally life or death). If left to it's own natural devices you'll see everything in even these modern days as a threat.

    Why? AFAIK, fear and pessimism probably allowed more survival success than happy-go-lucky optimism in "cave man" eras. The theory is fearful and pessimistic people were more driven to PREPARE for and EXPECT more of the worst to happen tens of thousands of years ago.

    Just talking. I hope you feel better more often soon!

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