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How do you know you have accepted a situation?

LostieLostie Veteran
edited March 2011 in Buddhism Basics
eg. accepting that you may not get over the loss of a loved one.

eg. accepting that you can not go back to your former job.

...in a very raw practical sense...

Comments

  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    Look at reality as it is. There is only potential. With time I'll get over the loss of a loved one. I can give myself the space for mourning and allow myself to have an emotional outlet. After a while you reach a point where you just get over it. Don't push things away. Don't pull near. Just give things a space and just watch them without judging. Or just mourn until you can't mourn anymore. And if you need to mourn some more just keep mourning.

    As for accepting that you cannot go back to your former job. Well that reality is presented in front of you. You either accept reality or torture yourself with thoughts. So you just cut that out and move on. Find a new job. Do practical steps everyday that help you towards a potential job in the future. Say you might go back to school. You might research different jobs. You can start talking to people and asking for connections. Always keep the present moment clean. By clean I mean clear away the past. People don't want to hear about your prior memories. Have a clean slate. Meet new people. Get new jobs.

    It's just that easy. The more you think about it the more you torture yourself. Just do it.
    And for emotional things allow yourself the space so that emotions can kind of run their course. When you watch your emotions attentively they lose the fuel and strangle they have on you. When you are unconscious and not aware of your emotions, they will run your life and cause many problems.

    If all else fails. Go drinking and dance it off. lol
  • ravkesravkes Veteran
    edited March 2011
    when you don't suffer over it.
    of course you can suffer if you want to, lol. that's the freedom of life.
    you do have that choice.
    you may not have a choice over whether or not you need food or water to live but your viewpoint is all yours to make.
    and what i've seen is, everything just is. things happen, but in reality there aren't any problems.

    do you define yourself as a victim of the world, or just a part of the world experiencing itself without resistance? truth points to the latter.
  • SherabDorjeSherabDorje
    I think if we (singular) are the only ones inside our heads/hearts (I am the only one inside my head/heart) we are the only ones that can decide if we've accepted something or not. Sometimes it helps to talk it over with a good friend, clergyperson, or therapist, but in the end only the individual can decide if she/he has gotten over something or not.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    eg. accepting that you may not get over the loss of a loved one.

    eg. accepting that you can not go back to your former job.

    ...in a very raw practical sense...
    By accepting that in probably not being able to accept something, you're actually increasing, prolonging and indulging in the very suffering that you as a Buddhist are working to eliminate.

  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Hi Lostie,

    I would say a good measure of whether or not you have accepted something that you were worried about is whether or not you can get a good sleep without sleeping tablets.

    Regarding the death of a loved one (or any other loss, really) Ajahn Brahm uses the simile of going to a concert.Are we sad when the concert is over and we have to go home, perhaps never to see those musicians play live ever again? No! We are glad that that experience was a part of our life. In the same way, when a loved one dies a wise person is grateful for the time they shared with that loved one.

    Ajahn Chah spoke about two children, each with a balloon. The first one, when his balloon bursts, he gets upset and cries. The second one, wiser than the first, knows that the balloon is impermanent. So he can enjoy playing with the balloon with the knowledge that it won't last forever.

    Metta,

    Guy
  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Ajahn Brahm gave a great talk about this subject last night, you can download it here:

    http://www.dhammaloka.org.au/component/k2/item/911-instead-of-attachment.html

    If you prefer videos, it will be available here soon:

    http://www.youtube.com/user/BuddhistSocietyWA
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