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Has anyone made you seem like a fool?
footiam
Veteran
Has anyone made you seem like a fool or said you say foolish things and asked you to shut up? How do you deal with this? How can Buddhism help you in a situation like this?
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The only person who has ever made me look foolish and say foolish things - is me.
Study Right Speech, practice the Fourth Precept assiduously.
Problem = solution.
There you have it, in a nutshell.
Yes they did, of course. Everybody has encountered this one way or the other, I guess. It can sometimes hurt you quite a bit, doesn't it?
At times I didn't say anything stupid and it was mainly the anger of the other person that made them say that. Then automatically I started to get kind of angry back at them or maybe even doubting my own words. But at a certain point I started think: How sad for you to be that angry to me about something I said. I hope you are well and learn to be at peace.
But sometimes I did say or do foolish things and I have to accept they are right. That's an opportunity for me to learn and I'm very thankful when people correct me. That way I might never say or do the same stupid thing again. Buddhism is about learning from every opportunity you get. If your life would have been smooth sailing you wouldn't learn a damn thing, so be thankful for the harder moments. Sometimes you have to drive through a valley to reach a higher peak. At those times it might be useful to say: I hope I am well and at peace
As long as you keep on learning and accepting this way, you'll be fine.
With metta,
Sabre
When we say something that damages our self image in this way it can only hurt us if we let it. Accepting that everyone says things out of ignorance occasionally and just admitting that you were mistaken or speaking usupported opinion allows you to learn from it and get on with life. Trying to maintain a spotless image in your own and others eyes is a recipe for stress and anxiety. Sounds easy but it's proving incredibly difficult to put into practice from my own experience
And anyone who maintains there is such a thing as a foolish question is completely wrong and probably doesn't ask enough questions.
Seems people still like to deflect somehow, and put it "out there" when in fact, all perception, all understanding, all processing, actually happens "in here".
Sometimes I think it may even be beneficial if I was foolish but I cling to myself too much to deliberately do something like that. So it only happens by accident or ignorance. When it does I'm usually too self obsessed to try any of the above methods
Yeah, I believe you.
Dear Sabre,
It does hurt. We are only human. Wonder Buddha ever felt hurt, too.
And I like your way at looking at this problem. I suppose it would right to say that we have to be mindful about this situation. In any case, if we did do foolish things, it would be okay to be correctly with nice words but then the world does not work that way. Sometimes, as you say, the other party could be the foolish one and in a case when they find fault with us, it would be good to be mindful of what I think is in the Dhammapada, something about being a fool who does not know about his own foolishness is a fool indeed or something like that.
Dear ZenBadger,
If there are foolish questions, then there are foolish answers. If you say that there is no such thing as a foolish question, then there should be no foolish answers. Now, if the same question is asked twice, would you think that is foolish?
Dear StaticToybox,
Sometimes, it does not pay to be mindful, yeah?
Dear seeker242,
I don’t like the idea of Buddhist teachers who actually pointed out the fact that you are a fool. I think that’s not very nice.
Dear The swing is yellow,
Do you think there should be a teacher to do this job?
Dear Jeffrey,
Hey, I was just thinking of something in the Dhammapada about a fool who doesn’t know he is a fool. I think that line is cool!
Dear Whoknows,
I suppose that’s why the king needs a court jester! It’s good to be foolish at times. It could be a teacher as you say! Probably, it is all right then to say silly comments in a forum like this unless one fears being ticked off.
Dear GuyC,
The ‘I’ has always been the problem!
Sometimes judgement is a good thing and I wish I were more sensitive
I don’t like the idea of Buddhist teachers who actually pointed out the fact that you are a fool. I think that’s not very nice.
Of course they don't come out and insult you and say "you're a fool you idiot!" They show you where you have strayed off the path, which is a very nice thing to do, because it helps you get back on the path. That is what teachers are for, that's their job. And then you usually say something like "Wow, yea, I really did stray off the path. I've been acting like such a fool. I better stop acting that way.".
"Do you think there should be a teacher to do this job?"
My problems and where I stumble are my teacher:)
Would that mean mean if a person get rid of the ‘I”, he is getting rid of the foolishness?
Dear Jeffrey ,
Being mindful perhaps would be better than being sensitive. What do you think?
Dear seeker242,
You mean ‘tactful’? That probably needs a skill.
Dear The swing is yellow,
Sometimes we stumble but we think we are in Disneyland and may even think that’s heaven.
In my experience: I don't know, I haven't overcome conceit yet. There are moments in my life though where I am not thinking about myself, those are the most peaceful and least problematic times...this is possibly a taste of what Enlightenment is.
Metta,
Guy
If you recognize conceit, most probably you could overcome it.
Maybe the feelings of conceit are the actual error, or in relation to OP the foolishness is the error not the action. I'm not trying to explain away foolishness or conceitedness only that there may be legitimate times when the actions performed are neither of the above but we still feel the negative connotations of these two poisons.
Metta,
Guy
I love the quote "If you put people on a pedestal, expect to be kicked in the face."
When I notice I am feeling "foolish" in response to someone else's words, I am reminded that seeking self-esteem or self-efficacy from an external appraisal is ridiculous, and means I am trying to make something "about me" that isn't.
I'm also reminded of a story of Trungpa's early days in western culture. When he would speak the dharma, people would literally get up and start yelling at him. He would smile with equanimity. His roots were still deep at that point.
There are some who poke at us, and when it happens we do feel some foolishness. Then insight, then gratitude. We don't want pride, or self, or to externalize our sense of esteem... and like a river eroding rock, these pokes erode our ego. Let them come! Then, continue to do our best with what we have and keep growing... and when our roots are deep, pride abated, and ego silent, we won't feel foolishness. Only insight, only gratitude.
With warmth,
Matt
Sensitivity that I am thinking of in addition to the common vernacular is the balancing of two Indriyas. The two are prajna (information) with sradda (embodying or faith). Just having the prajna of what is needed is one side and thats where I have failed in the past. Being too caught in ideas. The sradda overload would be when you are overly carrying of a current without responding to new situations. That happens too.
The other two indriya balance is common in the Sano's lute story. Too concentrated versus too energetic. Concentration in excess can be a dull state. Energy in excess can be spinning out of control and loss of earth.
These 4 indriyas are balanced by more mindfulness smirti. But all 3 balanced 'pods' are always active all at once. Your right the key is mindfulness.
And equanimity my friend.
hat if I make myself seem like a fool?
If we had made ourselves seem like a fool and know it, then we are wise to a certain extent.
Dear StaticToybox,
We would not feel nice if we are mindful enough to know that we ourselves have made ourselves look foolish.
Dear Whoknows and GuyC,
Don’t you guys think this idea of conceit can besubjective? Just like one man’s meat is another man’s poison?
Dear aMatt,
Thanks for that – I take it to mean that those people who make us seem like a fool are actually our Dhamma teachers!
Dear seeker242,
That’s why they are the teachers and we are the students.
Dear Jeffrey,
There are many ‘Greek’ words here that I don’t understand but I do find that interesting – that too much concentration could be dull. Middle path, perhaps?