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Buddhism making me more anxious
chanratt
Veteran
Let me put that a different way. Teachings like impermanence and non attachment and meditation etc are leaving me feeling very vulnerable. Before, when I would get anxious about something, I would just put on a happy song, watch a funny movie or at worst, devour a fine ale or two. But now I feel like there is nowhere to run. Meditation is making me feel increasingly open and a lot of stuff is coming to the surface i think. Here's an example:
When I look at my two year old so and think to myself that someday he will be gone (as in 'I' will be gone) I feel a great anxiety. Also I feel that even in a few years that this little guy that i love so much will be different.
Another one is just death itself and that someday I'll just not be here...this gets me too. I am also increasingly sensitive to the suffering of people.
I used to be able to run from all of this shit but I am having waves of sadness now every time things like this come up.
I am not here looking for a cure but just to hear that it's part of the path or that someone else has experienced the same thing. I've only really started taking Buddhism seriously about 6 months ago and meditate 30 mins a day on average. I am basically on my own with regards to being part of a sangha etc.
thanks for reading.
When I look at my two year old so and think to myself that someday he will be gone (as in 'I' will be gone) I feel a great anxiety. Also I feel that even in a few years that this little guy that i love so much will be different.
Another one is just death itself and that someday I'll just not be here...this gets me too. I am also increasingly sensitive to the suffering of people.
I used to be able to run from all of this shit but I am having waves of sadness now every time things like this come up.
I am not here looking for a cure but just to hear that it's part of the path or that someone else has experienced the same thing. I've only really started taking Buddhism seriously about 6 months ago and meditate 30 mins a day on average. I am basically on my own with regards to being part of a sangha etc.
thanks for reading.
0
Comments
You are meditating 30min. a day?! Keep it up! With the right guidance you are sure to make good progress.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2UoTFF3uJU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzgeh6c4ihE
Good luck!
The whole matter of life is strange. We shouldn't get caught up in the attractive idea that it's like an amusement park and we should try to have as much fun and pleasure as possible. We actually have to be very careful with it. By following the path, we can find ease, peace, pain-free heart.
Anxiety serves no beneficial purposes and they're very painful and irritating to deal with. If you're anxious, try loving-kindness meditation, it helps A LOT if done correctly.
Meditation is a powerful tool which gives many benefits to the practitioner.
Meditation will improve sleep, concentration, creativity, anger-management, stress-management, anxiety/worries-management, communication with other people. Practicing alone can be very hard and scary at times.
When I meditated alone I had so many doubts, pains, worries that I just gave up. Until someone more experienced than me showed me the proper way to practicing meditation and understanding Buddhism.
Sometimes I need the aid of a meditation guide, and I'm lucky I've found this: Audio Meditation Guide. It's good for meditation
If you keep practicing mindfulness, you will come to moments of clear, tensionless, presence. Then with time there will be more. Eventually that will become your center of gravity, your reality, and your spinning thoughts will not hold you any more. That isn't enlightenment, but is a great lessening of suffering, and a growing sense of being at home in the world, in a way that can contain more and more situations.
great reply as always richard and this is what i had hoped. there is a sangha near me but finding time to get there is tough. also, i'm not the most extroverted so it can be quite hard for me to make connections with ppl i don't know let alone a bunch of them.
That is exactly what it is supposed to do. So it's working.
"This is the noble truth of suffering: birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair are suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering."
To see it in real life is quite different than reading it on a piece of paper. However, seeing it in real life is very beneficial, necessary and essential step and everyone along the path, even the Buddha himself, has experienced it. But luckily there are 3 other noble truths too.
Luckily, we don't have to look for the cure. The Buddhas teaching is the cure.
I found the cure.
Everytime I feel this way I just go to the park or the forest or nature trails. There is something about Mother Earth that transcends ALL of this. Her beauty, her light, her sounds, her smells.
(They say Buddha used the Mother Earth as his last reference point before he transcended.)
Try taking your son out to the park this weekend and just appreciate what life is about. Get some nice fresh air and put some of that wonder back in your perspective.
Hope that helps.
Sometimes people just show up at sittings for a while then don't turn up again. Sometimes people become regulars. Sometimes people are engaging. Sometimes they prefer to say nothing and just sit.
Pema Chodron says we all seek "ground", i.e., some sense of security, of certainty, of knowing where things stand. And that Buddhism is learning to let go of needing ground, and that this is the start of letting go of both aversion and attachment.
When an unpleasant thought or emotions rises, this is what she says to do:
Don't indulge,
Don't ignore,
Don't speed right past,
Stay present.
I know what you mean about the death realisation too, I've had similar flashes of realisation all my life, really freaked me out when I was little. I imagine it's the same for everyone, but maybe some people are better at ignoring it than others?
The dalai lama said that "we all have to pass through that main gate." referring to death.
Well, I think that LIFE is the main gate that we unfortunately have to pass.
If we pass through it skillfully though, I think it's alright. So that should be our goal. To pass through it skillfully. To be able to do that, we have to follow the eightfold noble path. So that should be our goal. Buddha really did a very good job formulating that path. I want to get it tattood on me so I never forget it and remember it frequently.
yeah i'm a morbid bastard by nature and it runs in my family. my mother was and still is terrified of death and it manifests in all different ways with her....agoraphobia, depression etc. maybe that's where all my anxieties have always come from. I think maybe this realisation signifies my crossing a bridge in life....i hope so
Me too, good luck on your path.
haven't mentioned it. she's in Ireland, im in the US.not that that matters but she's a devout catholic and a recovering alcoholic so sh'e very fragile and her belief keeps her somewhat happy.
All the best to you!
one thing i have managed to shake that inherited was fear of spiders. i used to be phobic, but since i started meditating and stopped killing them I've kinda gotten over it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR91LlRdX-0
i think all that phobia stuff is just mind conditioning. you can get over it y following the path.
this guy is pretty good
I started reading her book: "When Things Fall Apart" following a very turbulent time in my life. It made me cling to all of my supports even more for awhile! But I've reread her since and can better see the wisdom of 'no escape' now.
I think Thanissaro Bhikkhu's explanation of the Pali word samvega is relevant here:
"The oppressive sense of shock, dismay, and alienation that come with realizing the futility and meaninglessness of life as it's normally lived; a chastening sense of our own complacency and foolishness in having let ourselves live so blindly; and an anxious sense of urgency in trying to find a way out of the meaningless cycle."
But then later, the Buddha's samvega experience led to pasada:
"The first step in that solution is symbolized in the Siddhartha story by the prince's reaction to the fourth person he saw on his travels outside of the palace: the wandering forest contemplative. The emotion he felt at this point is termed pasada, another complex set of feelings usually translated as "clarity and serene confidence." It's what keeps samvega from turning into despair. In the prince's case, he gained a clear sense of his predicament and of the way out of it, leading to something beyond aging, illness, and death, at the same time feeling confident that the way would work."
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/affirming.html
The whole article is very worth reading.
But then came the winter. And I saw only wilted flowers. Brown misserable things. It was awful.
The next spring, I could not stand to look at the flowers. I knew they were going to wilt. And I could no longer see flowers as a child does. I could only see the brown shriveled missery that awaits them.
And the winter fell. And of course they all wilted.
As happens every winter.
But one spring, I looked out with new light. I walked down the garden path. I bent down, took a sniff.
I saw roses. Such perfect pettals. I did not only see the comming winter, but the comming spring after that. And so on. The whole cycle wrapped into one.
I looked out at the feild, and again I was a child. I saw it filled with blooms.
Yet when the winter fell. And the flowers wilted. I did not see those brown shriveled blobs. I saw the comming spring.
A lot of people end up getting stuck with this thing. All life leads to inevitable death. So when they look apon life they see death.
They equate life with death.
But with practice, you can learn to look apon life and see life.
[SIZE=+1]Dharma Quote of the Week[/SIZE]
Understanding the power of the path provides the inspiration that keeps us going forward; exploring its pain provides the understanding of what holds us back. It doesn't take long to discover the power, nor to feel the pain. Waking up hurts. And if we don't understand why, we will run from the pain and abandon the path. There are countless people who have become spiritual dropouts, or who are lost in detours because they have not understood hardship.
When your arm falls asleep, it prickles and burns as it returns to life. Frozen fingers sting when they thaw; we jolt awake when the alarm clock rings. But physical instances of anesthesia are mild compared to the anesthesia born of ignorance, and so is the level of discomfort upon awakening. The longer something has been asleep, the more painful it is to wake it up. If your fingers are merely cold, it is easy to warm them up. But if your fingers are frozen solid, it hurts like hell when they thaw. According to the traditions, unless one is already a buddha, an "awakened one," one has been snoring from beginningless time, and it can really hurt before we completely wake up. Mingyur Rinpoche writes,
"I'd like to say that everything got better once I was safely settled among the other participants in the three-year retreat.... On the contrary, however, my first year in retreat was one of the worst in my life. All the symptoms of anxiety I'd ever experienced--physical tension, tightness in the throat, dizziness, and waves of panic--attacked in full force. In Western terms, I was having a nervous breakdown. In hindsight, I can say that what I was actually going through was what I like to call a 'nervous breakthrough'."
--from The Power and the Pain: Transforming Spiritual Hardship into Joy by Dr. Andrew Holecek, published by Snow Lion Publications
Yes, i think it is part of the path and very helpful... even when i was very young, i felt impermanence very deeply though no-one near me died... i think this is a strong impulse that drove me to question everything in life and to finally find Buddhism.
But the anxiety usually dies down after a while. I think we should use this anxiety to drive us on the path to practice harder. Remembering impermanence we waste less time and have less diversions.:)
Just to add... when we remember impermanence and feel it to the core of our hearts, there is also a deep sense of loneliness. i believe those who have been on solitary retreats before will recall such a sense... this is just a precursor to what we wld feel at our actual death... it is very helpful to feel these feelings... and even get used to them and shed alot of conditioning of what we thought we usually need in our lives, like company, conversation, distractions.... it lays bare what is very painful to face, but real. i don't know if i am expressing it well enough, but i think all these are very good trainings for a practitioner, u develop confidence to face these things.
A balanced diet is also important.
As I don't know the details of your circumstances, I'll stick strictly to commonsense. First of all, meditation is a tool, and not an end in itself. Done the wrong way, and with the wrong intellectual preparation, it can cause all kinds of problems. Meditation sensitises the meditator to themselves and their surroundings. It makes you more vulnerable both to thoughts, and to external events. As a practice, it should be treated with extreme caution, and the idea that it is the great solution to everything is just plain wrong. You only have to look at the evidence: many people who have clocked up thousands of hours of meditation over decades and decades are just as dumb as the rest of us, if not more so.
Is there a safe kind of meditation ? Yes there is, but it is too complicated to explain properly in a post like this. Certain simple forms of Zen meditation, where you stay fully alert to your surroundings, and work on metaphysical issues in your mind, and where people are watching you closely - to stop you drifting off into weird states - and where you have to account for what you have been up to in your mental wanderings, are, in the right hands, and in moderation, relatively safe practices. It's meditation as intensive and concentrated thinking, a kind of deep 'pondering'. But sometimes you can be going through a vulnerable stage in life - a stage which could last several years - and meditation is not advisable. Nor is it advisable if a person is suffering a traumatic phase - during trauma you want distraction, not intensification.
Buddhist always advocate more and more meditation, because Buddhism is so poorly understood in the west, and so badly taught. Buddhism is about taking a certain independent approach to the problem of the human condition, and then pursuing it as a quest, intellectually and spiritually. It involves making use of all your resources, in a balanced and intelligent way. There's room in there for fun, and going on holiday, and, when no one else is looking, getting wasted. It is not all about meditating your life away, and fixating on negativity.
Best regards
Peter Eastman
Seems like it is misunderstood in more than just the west.
I agree that it is not all about meditating your life away, and fixating on negativity. I believe that that would be unskillful. But the noble eightfold path accounts for that. If we notice our meditation is not working right, we should change what we're doing.
yeah guyc i feel like i get enough. i do very physical work and my wife has me on quite the diet. never ate so many vegetables in my life since i married her. i am a sugar fiend though. i think i get it though after all the helpful replies here. it seems that what im going through is part of the path i'm on so i'll ust keep on keeping on.
May we all find a new breath and learn to see the world in a newer, truer perspective, free from clinging to the movements of our psychies.
Pema Chodron has used the description that she learned from her teacher Chogyam Trungpa: imagine being in a sealed room with a group of people. The room is filled with a dark, sooty smoke. Everyone in the room breathes in the sooty smoke and each time they do the smoke gets less dense and breathing out the air gets that much fresher until the smoke is completely gone and its like everyone is sitting outside in a wide, open, fresh space. I am new to this practice, but I've found that tapping into visual images of suffering and release from suffering also connects me to my heart and connection to my heart greatly relieves my anxiety. Pema Chodron mentioned a quote that seems relevant here: "Place the fearful mind in the cradle of lovingkindness."
The heart of Buddhism is compassion. If we can inject even a touch of it into our meditation practice, moving from self to others, we can have the courage to face what scares us. Once we accept it and stop struggling against it, it loses a lot of its power over us and I think we become wiser.
You might try listening to an audio program by one of your favorite teachers once a day. The act of listening and being receptive is a form of meditation and can help to train you out of an anxiety pattern. Anyway, that's what has been working for me with my anxiety.
Kate : )
I can only speak for myself, but I once interviewed with the 98th Ganden Tri Rinpoche, which status is appointed by HHDL as the successor to Tsong Kha Pa, about my longstanding panic disorder. He told me not to meditate too much. I do mantra, mostly Tara and Medicine Buddha. My point is that sometimes meditation can make things worse.
Chanratt, I believe I read further up that your mother is in Ireland, which leads me to believe that you might be Gaelic-Celtic-Norman-Viking like most Irish are. I think it's been pretty well shown that those of us of that heritage are prone to anxiety and depression.
I try to follow the psychiatrist's recommendations to the letter, as well as those of the Ganden Tri Rinpoche.
Be well, Chanratt. I don't have much advice. I am usually the first on the forum to recommend professional help.
what amazing replies...all of you. i 'am' from ireland sherab and i agree that we are headcases. cloud when i say that buddhism is making me more anxious what i mean is that the practice is opening me up to reality. but i have to run and i would love to explore this subject more. i will check in agai tomorrow
yeah i was actually diagnosed with add.