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Practical world problem - how to handle it?
misecmisc1
I am a HinduIndia Veteran
Hi All,
A practical situation which i am facing almost every day these days. the area where we work, we go out of our office for lunch and tea. now on the street, there is a lady beggar who carries her little baby on her shoulders and she beg on the street. Now initially nearly 2 weeks back (when i started studying Buddha's teachings), then out of helping her, i gave her some money. the next day she was again there begging, so i again gave her some money, this i continued for 3 to 4 days, then i realized this shall continue forever, as the lady beggar will never want to work to earn her living. Then nearly 3 days back, when that lady beggar came to me - i asked her - why do not work instead of begging? she did not said anything, i did not give her any money. Then 2 days back, she again was begging and she came in front of me and again begged, then i again asked the same question - why do you not work instead of begging? - then she replied immediately - what work can i do? - then i suggested her there are so many shops here, you can ask for some work from some shop-owner in their shop - then she did not said anything - then again i did not give her any money. Then yesterday i again saw her begging on street.
Now my questions are- am i becoming incompassionate, by not doing selfless service to her, by not helping her with money, even though i have some money in my purse? on the other hand, if i continue giving her money and other people are also giving her money, then she will develop a habit of begging and not even try to work to earn her living - which is promoting a wrong habit in her. So what should i do in this case? Please suggest.
A practical situation which i am facing almost every day these days. the area where we work, we go out of our office for lunch and tea. now on the street, there is a lady beggar who carries her little baby on her shoulders and she beg on the street. Now initially nearly 2 weeks back (when i started studying Buddha's teachings), then out of helping her, i gave her some money. the next day she was again there begging, so i again gave her some money, this i continued for 3 to 4 days, then i realized this shall continue forever, as the lady beggar will never want to work to earn her living. Then nearly 3 days back, when that lady beggar came to me - i asked her - why do not work instead of begging? she did not said anything, i did not give her any money. Then 2 days back, she again was begging and she came in front of me and again begged, then i again asked the same question - why do you not work instead of begging? - then she replied immediately - what work can i do? - then i suggested her there are so many shops here, you can ask for some work from some shop-owner in their shop - then she did not said anything - then again i did not give her any money. Then yesterday i again saw her begging on street.
Now my questions are- am i becoming incompassionate, by not doing selfless service to her, by not helping her with money, even though i have some money in my purse? on the other hand, if i continue giving her money and other people are also giving her money, then she will develop a habit of begging and not even try to work to earn her living - which is promoting a wrong habit in her. So what should i do in this case? Please suggest.
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give her food or a snack. maybe some fruit.
take her out to lunch and listen to her story.
actively help her out by finding her a job.
this is a good chance to work on your generosity and compassion.
you see any of those above things are helpful to her. you just see a larger picture, so it is in your hands to do something about it.
i carry dollar bills in my pockets just incase i run into a homeless person. i usually spot them down and hand them a dollar.
sometimes thats enough. sometimes you listen to the person and talk to them. sometimes you just acknowledge their existence as a human being.
sometimes you go the extra mile and help them in a serious way.
it really depends on the circumstance and the openness of your heart/mind.
help the best you can based on what they "ask".
be mindful of your aversion and greed. just do what you think is right.
The truth of the matter is that there is economic disparity, right? Give her money or don't give her money. Finished. Right?
or do you want my time? advice? friendship? smile?
food? a book perhaps?
that is not important really. i can only just do what i can do in the moment. i can only just work on myself.
in a way the root of this homeless person is from my mind that projects. it is from my greed, aversion, ignorance that cause the suffering homeless man to come into existence for me. thus it is my responsibility to carbomb my greed, aversion and ignorance so that i can help the homeless man.
it is the collectives greed, aversion and ignorance which conditions the potentiality for beings to be homeless. so all i can really do is work on those poisons in my mind and actively help the best way i can in every moment.
you can also view it this way. they may look like a homeless man, but that is also a projection from the mind. it is impossible to know really anything about them. they could be an angel disguised as a homeless man to give an opportunity to be generous/compassionate.
how would you know otherwise?
so one can project that all homeless people are buddhas in disguise. wouldn't that change how you see people? that assertion is just as valid as the stories we spin in our minds, which prevent us from caring. and even if they were to tell us their story. we can only interpret and trust them.
thus it really doesn't matter how or why they got there.
all that matters is that they need your help. thus you help.
simple as that.
and help is anything.
that is the great ignorance of most people. they believe that these people exist separate and have some kind of self existence out there.
things cannot exist as such.
the homeless person exists only as a projection from you based on your karma.
thus it becomes your responsibility. not only that, when boundaries of duality are seen through then there is no true division between them and you. their suffering is your suffering.
all selfishness will lead to suffering.
all selflessness will lead to happiness.
i wish you have the conditions to develop the prajna to develop compassion.
if you cannot then develop enough selfishness to see that your happiness can never come from self cherishing ways (ignorance, greed, aversion). become so selfish that you carbomb your selfishness.
may you find peace and abiding happiness.
also knowledge of my own greed & aversion towards homeless people from the past.
thus to combat greed and aversion i practice compassion and generosity.
i do this to plant the seeds so that the mind is conditioned out of automatically reacting with greed and aversion, which lead to suffering.
because i do not want to suffer and i want happiness, i help the other.
also because they are my projection.
thats intellectual. lets get experiential. i put my hand in a fire and the natural response is to pull it away. everything in this reality is the same. everything wants to be happy and not suffer. even if it is someones twisted idea of happiness, it is still striving for happiness and striving away from suffering.
thus since all beings want to be happy they are no different than me.
thus that builds the basis for compassionate action. the homeless person wants to be happy just like me, so i help them.
okay lets frame this another way.
we are selfish. well most of us are innately selfish. with a little wisdom we can use this energy of self cherishing for compassionate action for others.
you see we all want to be happy so we do things that condition happiness for the future. so i work and eat good food so that i can have a good job so that i can make money. and money makes me happy. it may not be abiding but it is "happiness" in my eyes. is the past me truly me or am i different than the past me? i am different. what about the future me? yes, that is also a different person. so we are already altruistic to a future version of what we call "me".
if we deconstruct this me as a projection/assumption of "someone" we can call "me" then we can see that the future "me" isn't really the same person as i am now. I am a constantly changing process. Thus selfishness is just taking care of a stranger.
This can also become the basis of compassion.
compassion isn't necessarily giving money. it can be kind words. practical advice.
it can also come in the form of taking away a harmful thing from someone.
compassion can also come into the form of responding to situations rather than reacting based on conditioning.
compassion can express itself as just being with other beings. compassion can also be just saying hello.
it will inevitably lead to happiness if we carbomb our self cherishing.
wholesome actions lead to wholesome effects.
unwholesome actions lead to unwholesome effects.
there is a gap also to take in mind. if you were to say fuck off to someone and your arm broke then you'd see how causality operates. but because you say fuck you and nothing happens, you do not make note that causality is in play.
you cannot avoid causality because it is your mind that keeps check.
thus you're only conditioning your unhappiness. by conditioning your unhappiness you will condition your reactive patterns. by conditioning your reactive patterns only suffering will manifest.
of course since you're not always doing unwholesome actions...good karmic seeds will ripen as well.
if you truly want to be happy, help others.
if you want to suffering, then keep doing what we believe works.
apologies for fractured continuity.
The sad truth is, the richest man in the world could give everything he owns to the poor, and the next day there would be just as many poor people in need. And, it's hard to see the beggars of the world as equal to yourself. Why doesn't the beggar woman get a job? Are you going to give her a job? Would your company give her a job that pays for a babysitter, something an unskilled woman with a bad job history will never get?
Giving is easy for Buddhists. We are taught that metta and compassion means giving. But it means giving with no thought of return. Not even the knowledge that you helped. So it's not giving that bothers us, but when we decide not to give.
If you have a bit of change to spare and she asks for money, give it or not, just don't refuse to give because you feel "she doesn't deserve it". Believe me, you're just one refusal of hundreds that day. You're not obligated to give to that specific person. But you are obligated to feel compassion for her. Begging is a hard life. For whatever reason, that is what she is doing to support herself and at least one child. When you see her, see a fellow suffering human being. Then either give or not that day. If not, she will be back and eventually you'll hand her a bit of money. She knows how this system works, believe me.
Can we understand the transparency of division and separation? Can we liberate our hearts from ill will, fear, and cruelty? Can we find the steadfastness, patience, generosity, and commitment not to abandon anyone or anything in this world? Can we learn how to listen deeply and discover the heart that trembles in the face of suffering?
The path of compassion is cultivated one step and one moment at a time. Each of those steps lessens the mountain of sorrow in the world."
- Pema Chodron
I have tried helping out and taking an interest but those I tried helping always had 10000 reasons not to want to be helped in other ways than been given money!
So I have resorted to giving them food cupongs which is some kind of reasurance at least that they can not use them for drugs or alcohol.
/Victor
Obviously not everyone who lives on the street has a drug or alcohol problem, and I believe I made that clear in my previous point. All I wanted to say was that I, personally, believe it is more helpful to give food/water/coupons than money. For all I know, they'll sell the food to a friend for money or swap for something else; there's still nothing certain in the outcome.
I think if someone asks you for help, you're within your rights to help them in a way that you're comfortable with. If they don't want the food you offer, they're within their rights to say no.
There is a guy who sits in the intersection near my home, he will not even get up if you are a couple of cars away to accept money, even though he can. You would think he would at least try.
I would say he's in his late 30's or so. He is clean, and he always has cigarettes which are about 4-5.00 a pack here. If I was hungry I would not be using money for cigarettes.
Also, I have had occasion to see him in a parking lot near where he sits, standing still with his head down and sort of swaying, which led me to think he was on something.
So in light of that, I should offer him some non-perishable,instant-grat food, and not money. Because I am suspicious that he is an addict of some sort. I have done that in the past with other people panhandling.
So, "misc", if you're truly compassionately concerned about this woman (are there others, or is she the only one?), you might talk to friends, neighbors, relatives, organized a little group to address the city council and propose a project. Are there soup kitchens you could refer this woman to? Think more broadly, beyond just your wallet and her. There may be other ways to address the question, if you're willing to do some research or some organizing or some political action.
The applies to us and to this homeless person.
I guess the question is "what is compassionate?"
Maybe giving them money at the time is.
But is always giving money compassionate?
Will our behavior enable their continued behavior?
Some questions that need to be asked.
Can we help them find resources?
Can we help them find work?
Maybe the homeless alcoholic needs money for a drink. Would you give him that money?
I would, if that's what that person needs.
Above all don't judge and let your actions stem from a compassionate heart.
But nowadays most beggers are organized. Many are controlled by the mob so their earnings are not entirely their own. I know this because the swedish beggers I used to talk to are not there any more. They have been replaced by foreign beggars sitting at distinct places (their patch) and begging more or less in the same fashion. They do not speak swedish or english or pretend not to so there is no contact going on either. I suspect that the paperwork required to come to sweden is entirely beyond them.
I am guessing that somewhere somehow my cupons are converted to money ending up in mob hands but I am hoping not. But If I give them cash...
/Victor
They are not always what they seem. But on the other side of the token, alot of people around here beg on the corner when they really dont need to. who knows?
I try to be compassionate with all of them. I dont have much money. But on the cold winter nights and mornings I will try and bring them a hot cup of coffee from the break room. That always seems to make their mornings a little warmer.
But Dana, usually defined as giving, is one of our most important virtues. It isn't just giving to beggars. It is an attitude, a spirit of generosity. It is wanting to help by giving of yourself. If you give only to those who beg you for money, that's not Dana. The attitude of generosity means you help others when the opportunity arises, because that's what people do for each other. Maybe you donate a few minutes or hours to help someone struggling with a task. Maybe you have more money than time, and give donations to the local food bank for the needy. Maybe you have more time than money, and volunteer at the food bank to hand out the food.
Dana has no guarantee that what you give will always be appreciated, or make a difference, or even go to the persons that really need it. Given the nature of people, it's probably guaranteed this will be the case.
Thanks for your replies. it is nice to get so many points of view. i am now going to raise another practical world problem - for your suggestions.
So the above problem of compassion or no compassion towards the lady beggar is Problem#1.
Now problem#2 follows:
i work in software company. now the environment here is every person is working in one or the other project which has a manager, team leads, team members in it. now office-politics come into picture. i want to change my project - but when i am thinking about it, then Buddha's teachings of renouncing sense-desires come to my mind - this is a type of 'becoming' which Buddha talked about, which needs to end for ending the complete conditioned genesis cycle - in a way, end desire for sense-pleasure to become free.
now i have been working in this project for nearly 1 year and i am not finding the work interesting, moreover the project is stable - the manager is not good as she tries to find errors in our work, to show that she is doing everything and not us (a kind of office politics).
if i do not ask for a change in project, then these managers will make use of me and i will remain a stupid puppet in their hands.
Now my question is - my asking for a change in my project - is this showing a desire of becoming or wanting something, which will keep me in this conditioned cycle and not let me free ever? i think it is but what to do - should we just keep quiet and allow others to make use of us? From Buddha's teachings, we know everything is empty and the world is an illusion - but we cant leave our families and go to a forest in renunciation. So how to act in this situation. Please suggest.
The Buddha told us to not cling.
He didn't suggest we should be miserable as a result.
Do what brings you personal satisfaction.
It's not a sin to wish to enjoy life.
Hi All,
Please suggest on problem#2.
my problem#2 is different from problem#1. please see my problem#2 in above post and please suggest.
understand that contact and feeling are completely impersonal. when there is craving and clinging that is where the whole process starts.
what is suffering? it is usually felt as stress in the mind/body usually arising right after the feeling, which is caused by craving/clinging.
the whole purpose of meditation is to see this clearly then relax. thus mindfulness of contact (five sense doors and thinking process) and feeling (pleasant, neutral, unpleasant), which are impersonal processes is what protects us from the whole process of becoming and eventually suffering.
but you see becoming doesn't necessarily cause suffering. because we can desire wholesome things and watch how those seeds create wholesome actions. and in a way since we clearly understand this process of dependent origination, there is a sense of true impersonality to all things, which in turns allows us to understand how things occur.
so becoming isn't a bad thing. neither is suffering.
all of it can become fuel for compassion and all the great positive qualities.
for instance seeing the suffering in my life, i dedicate such suffering to all sentient beings. i allow that suffering to rest as it is and i learn from it. i learn where it came from by seeing the cause. i learn how to relax and then i smile. that way the suffering is used to fuel compassion for myself and others.
so figure out why you want to change positions?
what is the intention? is it out of greed, ignorance, anger, fear?
or is it out of positive intention? do you think you'd be better off somewhere else?
such intentions plant seeds and those seeds will ripen.
also the world is not an illusion. the world is completely real. it just lacks any intrinsic essence, thus a complete manifestation based on causes/conditions.
thoughts, feelings, action all matter. significantly.
find your intention. remember the with the correct intention everyone wins. you and everyone else.
hope this helps.
but first we must see and acknowledge such suffering.
i am stuck in a dead end job. but so is everyone else. ah everyone including myself deserves to have fulfilling jobs. not only that i wish everyone was fully content and liberated.
now when such suffering occurs, instead of being down on yourself you can step backwards and start to see what this suffering is tell you. what lessons does such suffering assert? the cause is coming from you and the solution is going to come from you as well.
so in my opinion it really doesn't matter what you do. you stay or you move on.
circumstances will change. you may leave and find another job.
and you're going to find out that all those people are going to follow you. the annoying manager that is over critical. the boring job that really has no purpose, but at first was interesting and now its boring.
hate to break it to you. but it isn't the external circumstance that is the problem.
the problem starts with the mind and ends with the mind.
thus the whole purpose of buddhist practice is to see this clearly. it is to see that eternal circumstances are samsara. we want to escape this suffering, boring, unsatisfying world.
that is why we practice. not only that there are infinite beings who are in the same boat as you are. this fact that there is one of you and an infinite amount of other suffering smucks becomes the basis in mahayana for the emphasis on Other sentient beings.
the idea is that everything is based on your projection. thus you can only save everyone and yourself once you attain enlightenment. thus all of this is fuel for creating the great motivation to achieve full liberation so that you can actually save everyone from drowning.
this is possible only because suffering has a cause. =]
also practicing contentment. we have enough. we should be in constant gratitude.
do you see how your circumstance is literally the ground for your practice. you can practice compassion, understanding of suffering, patience, start to see dependent origination in yourself and other (wisdom).
you can chance your external circumstance, but it won't make the problems go away.
thus i urge you to change your mind. then you'll see how everything is determined by the mind. then you'll learn how to be completely happy without conditions.
may you find peace, joy and everlasting happiness freed from the conditions. so that you can help the infinite amount of suffering sentient beings.
an interesting situation just arose - let me know your thoughts over it. it is slightly urgent please.
i work in an IT company. every year at end, we are appraised of our performance through out the year in terms of rating. the scale of rating is 1 - very good, 2- good, 3-ordinary, 4- bad.
last year i worked hard. i expected 1 as a rating this year. yesterday i was told my rating is 3 - ordinary , which people get even if they have not worked through out the year.
Now the reason they are providing is very idiotic - saying you were not sitting in office and working remotely for 3 months(which i did because of my personal situations) and this they say is not allowed in our project, so escalations have happened because of it - but in reality i know only 4 persons were involved in it in our project and everything was local to our project - so no escalation, rather they should appreciate me that i took care of my project in that time when my family was having problem - so i took care of both my personal as well as professional responsibilities. Moreover the point is i worked through out that period, this thing they are just neglecting.
So i am thinking of escalating this issue to the top management so that they can be aware what is going down in the below level. This rating has an effect on the increase in pay scale applicable for current year and even our promotion later. So escalating this issue - means i am desiring for 1 rating - so in turn becoming greedy for money, promotion etc. But i do not want to have any desire for me. But i am thinking of escalating this issue, as i think proper acknowledgement of my work has not been done - So please suggest as per you, should i escalate or not in this situation.
Please suggest urgently, as i have to quickly decide if i have to escalate it or accept it as it is - my current rating of 3 for last year.
Thanks in advance.
Hi All,
Can you please suggest some direct answer to my above query? Need your suggestions to decide whether to escalate it or not - it is slightly urgent - so please suggest urgently. Thanks in advance.
Whether to escalate or not, in my view, depends on whether or not you "have a leg to stand on".
Today, in most professional workplaces, the standards are spelled out, in writing. In your workplace, is there a written set of standards on which people are rated? If so, does one of the standards relate to working onsite as opposed to remotely? Did you work offsite with full permission? If these things are true, than you may have grounds for an appeal. If, however, evaluation in your work place is simply left up to the whim of the supervisor, without written standards...well, then it gets rather difficult.
The personal aspect of this -- that you were having family issues -- is irrelevant, and in my view should not be brought into the matter.
The fact is, we can't know The problem is, nobody wants to give you advice that might get you fired or in trouble, because we don't know the people you work for. Companies now days look for reasons to give the smallest raises possible, unless you're in management, where they hand out big bonuses no matter what.
Usually the performance review has a place for you to sign and also to write down any objections of your own. Be honest there and explain why you feel the mark down was not fair, at least. For the rest, you'll have to weigh the risks of escalating the issue and act accordingly. I wish you luck.
Thanks for your suggestions.
As per my understanding of Buddha's teachings, Buddha said that violence should not be done under any circumstances and any reasoning given to justify violence is not ok. But what to do with mosquitoes - should we allow them to drink our blood or can we kill mosquitoes to avoid them to drink our blood? Please suggest what Buddha suggested to do in such situation.
The Dalai Lama gives them 3 chances, then it's every mosquito for himself.
Mosquitos can spread a debilitating, long-lasting and occasionally fatal form of malaria.
Would i swat?
sorry - you bet i would.
Thanks for your replies. @dakini, tried to search it on google site but could not locate this discussion in this newbuddhist site. if you find it, can you please share the link.
The volition involved in killing a mosquito will generate negative karma. But how to control our reaction of not to kill a mosquito and also the concern of mosquito containing parasite of malaria is also there. Moreover, this problem extends to all pests and the concern of them containing some parasites of some diseases - so should we kill those mosquitos/pests and accumulate negative karma on us - or - leave them to make us suffer? Is it something like we are destined to accumulate negative karma on us and never be able to end the effects of all past negative karma played out and not to create any new negative karma? Any ideas, please. Thanks in advance.
http://www.newbuddhist.com/discussion/382/killing-mosquitoes
Hi All,
So some questions:
1. Do only female pregnant mosquitoes bite to feed their eggs , or all female mosquitoes bite to feed themselves?
2. How do male mosquitoes feed themselves?
As far as your query - Where do you live, @misecmisc1, that mosquitos are such a problem? , the answer is I live in India. This concern came to me suddenly somehow day before yesterday , when the mosquito all out machine's fluid got over and it was not working and in night, we found too many mosquitoes in our room.
So if we use mosquito coils or all out machines to keep away mosquitoes - then do these things kill mosquitoes or only make them sleep till their effect and not kill them? But suppose if everyday we use these things in night, then if these machines are not directly killing them, but our use of these machines are causing these mosquitoes to starve to death, then also i think we are indirectly responsible for the killing of these mosquitoes and so we acquire negative karma.
Any thoughts about it, please.
It is the mindstate(s) that matter. Maybe you act out of a very pure and wholesome intention, but it doesn't result in a better situation for the woman. Still this is a "right" action from Buddhist perspective.
On the other hand, you might act in a way that does lead to a better situation for that woman, but with an unwholesome intention. This isn't a "right" action from Buddhist perspective...
This might help explain morality in Buddhism:
Eliminate sources of standing water. This might be difficult unless you can get your neighbors to cooperate in the project.
How do the mosquitos get in your room? Do you have screens on windows and doors? The machine seems like the best solution.
Here's another perspective some members have offered. The precepts are applied by the "greater good" principle. In other words, one shouldn't lie, but if lying will help save a life, then you'd break the precept to serve the higher good of saving a life. A few have commented: what good would it serve to allow people to get sick from malaria and possibly die, just to save the life of a few mosquitos? The human rebirth is rare and very fortunate when one attains it. Would throwing it away to save some mosquitos be wise?
I realize these are difficult decisions, misecmisc. We all struggle on the rare occasion there's an insect infestation in the house, or something like that. And having to go around killing so many little beings is awful. Once they get into the house, does the machine get rid of them? What does it do, force them out with air?
Good luck, friend. Perhaps you live in a different part of the country than the Dalai Lama, high up in Dharamsala, where it's cooler, and not so many mosquitos. Let us know how you resolve the problem.
The source of mosquitoes is not water surrounding, but i think it is the wet-moist climate with some plants and trees around which is soothing the growth of mosquitoes somehow. Moreover, mosquitoes are common here.
the machine which i was talking about is the mosquito repellant liquid vaporizer - which runs through electricity and needs to be switched on to work. the way of working of it or the way of working of a mosquito coil on burning is not clear to me. does somebody knows how these mosquito coils or mosquito repellent liquid vaporizer work? i guess it somehow makes the mosquitoes to drowse and sleep or become intoxicated somehow, so that they become inactive as we can find them lying on ground in morning.
but if we regularly every night use it, then the mosquitoes i think will die due to starving. so even though we are not directly killing them by our hands, but using this machine or coil, is indirectly i think starving the mosquitoes to die. so does we accumulate negative karma on using these mosquito repellants?
But in the link you pasted, i got an interesting point of why not to kill mosquitoes. Yesterday evening when mosquitoes were coming around me, then I was trying not to kill them, but sometimes while watching TV, when some mosquitoes bite me then out of my habitual reaction i hit them and unfortunately killed them. Then realized oh I read about compassion towards mosquitoes yesterday.
I think I will have to live with the mosquitoes - if not in my house, then outside - so let me see if I am able to develop compassion towards mosquitoes.