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Confesions
ThailandTom
Veteran
Yes, we are not Catholic and we should not really regret things in the past as they are no longer in the now, but we can at least200 learn from them instead of merely punishing ourselves. Seeing as a wise man once said, "to learn from your mistakes is good, but to learn from the mistakes of others is more profound", why don't we share a few here. I would like to suggest situations or examples where you may still cling to the notion of self, anatman, or how your ego has caused a situation to come into being.
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For burning bridges and causing devastation.
For following false hope and chasing empty hollowed things to desperation.
For waiting for salvation in the future.
For cold anger and close fist kisses.
...for falling and failing...and falling and failing.
...for dying.
...and letting go.
I don't think I am holier than anyone , but I have so much pride because of my realizations. It makes me think that I have seen more than anyone and I cannot stand it if somebody tries to teach me something about existance or reality etc...
Oh I suffer so much from it...I don't know how to handle it yet but thanks for the thread...even confessing this made me relaxed a little bit...shame on me!
I discovered that the psychiatrists response to mental problems is to try different medicines so I guess if I stay kinda blank for weeks I will tell him that and see what he says. Sometimes I say it is my subtle energies which are messed up.
All of that labeling (energies, disease state) is a way for trying to feel that my mental illness is not my fault. Sure I have good days but when it gets hard like I am frozen and my mind to understand is failing there is a lot of ego and confusion. I've read that is ignorance and dullness and the way to work with that is to find some degree of space in experience. And make things simple.
So that's what I thought of. Morning will probably be better tomorrow.
do you think you are getting better - if you look at the big picture?
@zen_wrold, yes this is common I think among practicing buddhists. it feeds the ego, I am guilty of this one from time to time. You have a break-through, you feel great as if you have done something macnificant and the world should know. There is probably a line where sharing it is fine and not being attached to it resulting in adding to your ego.
My main problem is still social anxiety, which if I think about it, if I negated the notion of self then it would not exist. So I obviously have not gotten anywhere near to that yet. O yea, and the 'M' word, meditation is non-existent still. It is so easy to try, sit down. It is so silly when you think about it, when people are asked to do something they normally always would prefer to sit down. In my mind it seems a chore and not a part of life or my practice as it should be. I think I need someone to force me to do it, some kind of teacher or tirant.
Then I always ask "ok, but can you explain that to a ten year old? "
Well, obviously the first approach is always medicine...but since you are a Buddhist practioner you may want to take a look at this as well:
http://www.lamayeshe.com/index.php?sect=article&id=309&chid=1248
oh and try Medicine Buddha mantra please...
I hear ya dude. I imagine stability but sometimes it seems pretty boring (at least since i have a good med balance). But that separation from others because things are not right at that moment, and then the times you can't get away from the situation when things are not right, Yeah, you end up alone a lot. I always thought my thing was so mild because I was functional for so long, and now i see how cut off I was, how my career was affected, etc.
Confessions, well nothing I could post that is for sure. Not proud of some things, those actions were awhile ago but I have no guarantee that by meditating I won't make more mistakes.
I found myself spiraling into immense anger and rage with my ex. The situation is not a healthy one. I've since deleted phone numbers and email addresses from my phone and computer to redress this and focus on me.
as i recall it became quite heated, and there was a split in opinion, which if i am not incorrect, somewhat dismayed you.
I regret any upset this caused you, given your above 'confession'......
I guess my only issue is about discussions around esoteric or mystical part of Buddhism. Anything that relates to daily life and moral or ethical issues, I feel no pressure or discomfort listening to others' opinion...I found them very very useful...
I am a very naughty girl...I went to the library this week with my laptop and ripped cds from the display case, one by one, without using my library card.
I hid my cat's catnip toy and watched her look for it for almost 30mins.
I jumped inline infront of someone at the grocery store. They were in a wheelchair.
And I have an flair for expressing profanity...that is not sonething I plan to do here, but it is quite creative.