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Romantic Love

LostLightLostLight Veteran
edited September 2012 in Buddhism Basics
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't romantic love a combination of lust and love?; It's the love you have for a good friend, mixed with the lust you have for a person's body? Or is attraction itself not considered lust? I get many varied ideas of lust from this site haha. I just think it's hard to want to go out with someone you aren't attracted to at all, even if they have a great personality.

Has anyone here dated someone they weren't physically attracted to at all, and do you agree that a relationship needs to contain both aspects for at least some time?; I believe lust and love start a relationship, but if 2 truly respectable individuals continue down the path, love becomes all.

Comments

  • Geoff-AllenGeoff-Allen
    Interesting question!

    Here's a few thoughts on the subject -

    http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/dharma-quotes-quotations-buddhist/love.htm

    Cheers
  • KangarooKangaroo
    I've dated people outside of my "standard" for physical attraction, because there was something else that attracted me. The way someone carries themselves or the way they react to or handle a situation can be very enduring.
    I think Lust can exist on it's own.
    I think Love can exist on it's own.

    Love needs Lust together become so much more than the two on their own.
    But I don't think Lust is necessarily physical.
    Rodrigo
  • Geoff-AllenGeoff-Allen
    Back again ...

    I think the question is whether romantic love leads 2 true happiness compared with people like the Dalai Lama who aim 2 pursue enlightenment & have love 4 everyone ...

    There was a good point in there somewhere but it seems to have slipped away ...

    Did a quick search of Buddhism love romance & found a few,, including this forum -

    http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=337024

    Have a goodone!
    LostLight
  • LostLightLostLight Veteran
    edited September 2012
    Geoff-Allen said:

    Back again ...
    http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=337024

    Thanks for the link! That really helped, though it was a little extreme in examples.

    The only question I have left is whether physical attraction itself is considered "lust". Is some sort of physical attraction is a prerequisite to a "romantic" love?
  • poptartpoptart Veteran
    I don't think romantic love or "falling in love" is really love at all in the true sense. It's an ego attachment to someone who we think makes us complete in some way. It usually involves a high degree of sexual attraction, but not always. The key that it is ego-inspired is the sense of need that comes with it, feeling bereft when the other is missing, wanting to be with them all the time, feeling jealous if they give attention to anyone else. But once the beloved shows themselves to be a real individual with differences from us and not the reflection of our personality that we want them to be the cracks begin to appear and so the state of being "in love" is always temporary.

    Physical attraction is part of your biological drive to procreate. It is normal and natural wherever it occurs. According to Wikipedia lust is intense desire which "becomes a powerful psychological force producing intense wanting for something", which sounds more akin to obsession.
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    Love in Buddhism is defined as a mind that wishes another person to be truly happy :)

    What most people actually have is desirous attachment ( Lust, Selfishness ) and a minuscule amount of real love.
    Vastmind
  • Geoff-AllenGeoff-Allen
    I think that if you are happy within yourself then you can be happy with anyone or on your own.

    Unfortunately, in thi world, a LOT of people are profoundly unhappy and are clinging 2 the fantasy of finding "someone special" who will "make me happy". Clinging to a fantasy is a recipe for suffering and Buddhism is all about alleviating suffering ... which is ultimately about relinquishing desire.

    Some of the happiest people in the world don't have romance as even a thoght in their mind - I am speaking of the Dalai Lama & Tenzin Palmo & Surya das etc etc ...

    Not sure if I have answereed your question about romantic love & physical atttraction!

    Cheers
    LostLightownerof1000oddsocks
  • Geoff-AllenGeoff-Allen
    Just cruising around ... found this site -

    http://www.thenakedmonk.com/2012/02/14/love-your-path-through-life/

    Have a good one!
    LostLight
  • LostLightLostLight Veteran
    Thanks for the responses. I feel like everything I read leads to the conclusion that sexual attraction is the one thing that differentiates a relationship from a friendship. However, even if attraction is what sparked the move to join together, the couple will either pursue a lustful and harmful relationship, or a compassionate and down to earth one. I guess relationships aren't lustful in nature after all; wanting to look at something pleasant over something unpleasant is just common sense.
  • Geoff-AllenGeoff-Allen
    There are MANY types of relationships - the relationship between parent & child is one. I guess you are mainly referring 2 a romantic relationship where desire is a huge factor at least initially. I suppose it all depends on how enlightened both participants are as 2 how the relationship proceeds ...

    Had a little look and found this site -

    http://www.salrachele.com/webchannelings/leahdiscussesenlightenedrelationships.htm

    Cheers
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    Physical attraction is part of your biological drive to procreate.
    Yes, a lot of it is instinctual, and falling in love is largely a chemical reaction. ;)
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