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Family, Buddhism, Christianity, & Acceptance
Hi,
I come from a family that is mostly made up of Christians. In fact, I have been a Christian for most of my life. This past year, however, I have had my doubts about Christianity and began on my own spiritual path of seeking the Truth for myself.
This mostly arose from me beginning college and seeing that there is more to the world (both physical and spiritual) than what I have always been taught.
I have begun to "evolve" as a thinker, which lead to me realizing a certain truth for myself: All the things that I have "believed in" for the major part of my life are the products of what people in churches have told me. In other words, I have not done a whole lot of thinking or discovering on my own.
After I realized this for myself, I began to explore my inner self and the world deeper. I eventually "stumbled" upon Buddhism and found that so many aspects of Buddhism bear truths for myself that I have been feeling within me for a while now.
So, I have since then been learning more and more about Buddhism and am now meditating and somewhat practicing the Teachings on my own.
This leads me to the main point of this post: Have any of you gone through a rough time with your family & friends not accepting or wanting you to be a Buddhist/study Buddhism?
My family is not liking the idea very much that I have been turning away from Christianity and have begun to explore Buddhism. The only person that I have found to accept it completely is my loving girlfriend. And of course everyone on NewBuddhist is very encouraging as I have mentioned before.
Any thoughts? Comments? Have you been through something similar?
(BTW, I do not NEED my family's acceptance, but it is nice to know that I am supported.)
Thanks!
~Anic
Namaste
I come from a family that is mostly made up of Christians. In fact, I have been a Christian for most of my life. This past year, however, I have had my doubts about Christianity and began on my own spiritual path of seeking the Truth for myself.
This mostly arose from me beginning college and seeing that there is more to the world (both physical and spiritual) than what I have always been taught.
I have begun to "evolve" as a thinker, which lead to me realizing a certain truth for myself: All the things that I have "believed in" for the major part of my life are the products of what people in churches have told me. In other words, I have not done a whole lot of thinking or discovering on my own.
After I realized this for myself, I began to explore my inner self and the world deeper. I eventually "stumbled" upon Buddhism and found that so many aspects of Buddhism bear truths for myself that I have been feeling within me for a while now.
So, I have since then been learning more and more about Buddhism and am now meditating and somewhat practicing the Teachings on my own.
This leads me to the main point of this post: Have any of you gone through a rough time with your family & friends not accepting or wanting you to be a Buddhist/study Buddhism?
My family is not liking the idea very much that I have been turning away from Christianity and have begun to explore Buddhism. The only person that I have found to accept it completely is my loving girlfriend. And of course everyone on NewBuddhist is very encouraging as I have mentioned before.
Any thoughts? Comments? Have you been through something similar?
(BTW, I do not NEED my family's acceptance, but it is nice to know that I am supported.)
Thanks!
~Anic
Namaste
0
Comments
The only thing you can do it not try to force them into anything, and don't try to get them to believe what you do. It doesn't work for everyone, and that is ok. Learn and practice, and show them by example what Buddhism is doing for your life. Most of the time, parents and family just want to know you are ok and healthy and happy, and when they see Buddhism isn't doing bad things to you, they will probably come around. They might not be thrilled that you aren't Christian, but ideally they will realize it is a good fit, and a good influence on your life by what you show them. That's really all you can do. If they ask, share, but if they don't, then maybe it's best to let it sit and just take care of it on your own.
Support is nice, but that is where the Sangha comes in (locally or not). The journey is yours, and yours alone. Once you really understand that, IMO, there is a great freedom that comes with that realization. To some people, that thought is terrifying, my mom is one of those people. But I find it very liberating, and the more I embraced it, the more I found people who were supportive. Family isn't limited by blood relations, or by sharing a house, etc.
What you said seems true for me as well. I have recently been realizing that the journey is mine, and mine alone, which I think is amazing. Life is a phenomenal, mysterious process, and that excites me.
Reactions were mixed. Mother wanted to sprinkle holy oil on me and perform an exorcism, believe it or not. I learned over the years since then what does and doesn't work. I continued to be a loving son and member of the family and eventually they seemed to realize I was the same kind, understanding, loving man they knew before. but they don't want to talk about Buddhism, it upsets them, so we have a "don't ask, don't tell" type policy. If they ask me for my opinion on their own religion or a particular religious leader or subject, I tell them my honest thoughts, but they don't ask very often. It's not like the subject comes up on its own.
That was maybe thirty years ago, Grandma has passed on, but I suppose until the day Mother dies, she'll be praying for my soul. To the day I die, I'll be lighting a candle next to their pictures on my Buddhist altar. I suppose in my case I was lucky. Our love and family bonds were much stronger than any differences.
I hope it turns out to be the same with you.
To reach satisfaction in all
desire its possession in nothing.
To come to possess all
desire the possession of nothing.
to arrive at being all
desire to be nothing.
To come to the knowledge of all
desire the knowledge of nothing.
—- St. John of the Cross
My family come's from the old Polish Catholic, and Runock Byzantine faith. My home was and is now what was once a very devout Coal patch of towns. I became familiar with Buddhism in my senior year of high school. I entered the Air Force and turned 18 at basic, and learned a lot more of the world. One of the things to do, is remember where your family comes from, and never, ever let them out of your life. There'll be some tense times, and times of great joy; and everything in between, it's life, and it's growth, it's natural.
Be understanding, and live the way.
Growing up, God was a fairly important part of our lives. We attended church regularly, prayed every night, my dad read from the Bible and my mom told me what prayers to say at dinner and bedtime. Easter and Christmas were also big occasions in my house. However, as the years passed, two things occurred that drove me away from Southern Baptism and eventually Christianity altogether.
1.) As time progressed, my family began to become less involved with the church. To the point where my dad now no longer even goes to church (he still identifies as a conservative Christian) and my mom now does sign language at a Methodist church. As a child, this confused me, as I saw the church as an important part of us. However, with this happening, it forced me to look beyond the church and look at the world in a different light.
2.) What sealed the deal with me breaking away from Christianity (during the time my family was becoming less involved) was me actually listening to the sermons and paying attention to the bible. All of the inconsistencies and "moral" laws that everyone around me so fervently seemed to follow was a little bizarre and, at least back then, a little stupid. It also didn't help that my family had views that I didn't agree with; such as Catholics, Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses being "not real Christians" and homosexuality being a sin.
Now my family is at the state where they are. They know and have accepted my homosexuality, but they don't know that I'm not a Christian, much less a Buddhist. I honestly think that, if they were to find out, that it would be the straw that breaks the camels back. Unless I muster up the courage to tell them AFTER I receive my Masters degree and become financially independent, I don't think they will ever know.
The more I study and practice Buddhism the less Buddhist I am becoming. Just simply a human being.
My parents will never understand the dimension that I am in. Nor will they understand the dimension of Buddhism. Nor do I think they comprehend the dimension that Christ pointed to with his life.
People are generally deluded, selfish, arrogant and they believe their little trip about the world is the biggest and most important thing ever.
In the beginning its okay to be Buddhist.
But eventually with time even that has to go. And you will have to be with these people whole heartedly as they are.
And they won't get it, but they'll taste or smell something from your openness and vulnerability. And that is the most compassionate and freeing thing you can do for others.
Welcome to Buddhism.