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Attachment and moving house

KeromeKerome Love, love is mysteryThe Continent Veteran

Like many people in the Netherlands, I rent my house, and it sometimes happens that the owner of the house wants to sell the house or use it themselves for something, and you end up being asked to move on. This happened to me a few weeks ago. It confronts you very immediately with how we cling to our homes.

I’ve discussed this with my parents, both of whom still live though they are divorced, to get some idea of how they feel about these things. Certainly my mother said she attaches quite strongly to the place where she lives. It actually took me a few weeks to reach some clarity over this... I’ve had some disturbed dreams and I noticed I’ve been more emotional than usual over it. So I think attachment is there for me as well.

So how do you find you react to moving house?

Comments

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I differentiate between 'house' and 'home'.

    "If you cannot find comfort, serenity and peace of Mind where you are right now, then where else do you expect to find them?"

    Having lived in both brick dwellings and a vehicle, I have come to realise that there is little difference between the two, but the mind-sets are poles apart....

    lobsterkando
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think 'Merica! Veteran

    An additional factor to how attached you're feeling probably has to do with you being asked to move rather than you wanting to move yourself.

    kando
  • kandokando northern Ireland Veteran

    The circumstances make a big difference and also how much you have enjoyed living there. I need MY room, the rest of the house is just wrapped around that nexus of books, art materials, shells, stones, found and favorite objects, DVDs, CDs and more books. It is a space that can be reproduced anywhere really. Anywhere with bookcases is best :)

  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    So how do you find you react to moving house?

    ... as long as it is Roomy with a view, I am happy ...

    If you knew yourself for even one moment, if you could just glimpse your most beautiful face, maybe you wouldn’t slumber so deeply in that house of clay. Why not move into your house of joy and shine into every crevice! For you are the secret Treasure-bearer, and always have been. Didn’t you know? ~Rumi

    kando
  • @Kerome

    Death meditation will help.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Attachment and moving house

    Hmm the first thing that came to mind when reading the thread title

    I recently had to move...I liked where I was living, quiet, with sea view ...but the smoke from the neighbour's fire forced me out... I was left with no option but to move...as they say A change is as good as a holiday ...if the mind is open to it :)

    kando
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    @namarupa said:
    Death meditation will help.

    Which one?
    Traditional Theravadin meditation on corpses in various stage of decay may be against the leasing/rent agreement. Also you may have some explaining to do for the neighbours complaining of the smell ...

    o:)

    Bunkskandonamarupa
  • kandokando northern Ireland Veteran

    Wonderful snail @Shoshin, I feel an affinity. (although I want to make it clear that I don't trail slime)

    Shoshin
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    @person said:
    An additional factor to how attached you're feeling probably has to do with you being asked to move rather than you wanting to move yourself.

    Certainly that’s true... it gives you a shock that you might otherwise avoid by gradually getting used to the thoughts in your own head. But it’s just that shock that truly shows you your attachment.

    @Shoshin, I like the snail too... I’d counter with one of these:

    kandopersonShoshin
  • @lobster said:

    @namarupa said:
    Death meditation will help.

    Which one?
    Traditional Theravadin meditation on corpses in various stage of decay may be against the leasing/rent agreement. Also you may have some explaining to do for the neighbours complaining of the smell ...

    o:)

    I was thinking that maybe contemplating death and impermanence, might give rise to a conclusion or understanding that whatever is either attractive or luring, will eventually bring us to a predisposed feeling, vision, imagination, thought, and spirit. So it seems logical that the way to get close to that conclusion is to see the unattractiveness in the attractive and luring.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Like many people in the Netherlands, I rent my house, and it sometimes happens that the owner of the house wants to sell the house or use it themselves for something, and you end up being asked to move on. This happened to me a few weeks ago.

    @Kerome may you find a place that satisfies your needs...

    lobsterKeromekando
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    I’ve had some disturbed dreams and I noticed I’ve been more emotional than usual over it. So I think attachment is there for me as well.

    When I was living at a temple I was very attached to it.
    However my mind and body is the real abode. Do I treat it like garbage? We were talking recently about reverence and what is sacred.

    Home is where the heart is. Newbuddhist is my home. That is an abode.

    kando
  • I’ve moved 10 times in 4 provinces the last 10 years in the Netherlands. Ive become pretty non-attached to geograpical relocation, but i‘ve got 2 small kids now and bought recently a house for the second time. I have major aversion to the amounts of work and combining processes that come into play When buying and fixing a new house. Next to regular full-time work and a family life that is.

    Renting is vastly easier.

    Shoshinlobster
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran
    edited August 14

    This might turn into a legal conflict... the landlady is not allowed to terminate the contract but is trying to anyway. It’s all rather stressful, and I’m having trouble finding the words to talk about it to the people who may help.

    Legal aid here said that since alternative housing is hard to find around here, it is best to stay put and let her make the next move. The worst that can happen is that I have to vacate but she has to find appropriate alternative housing. It gets quite complicated.

    I’m finding mindfulness of the breath to be a great help. The last few days I’ve suddenly started meditating more, it helps me return to a peaceful state, and also strangely it seems as if the stress is lending energy to my practice.

  • kandokando northern Ireland Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    This might turn into a legal conflict... the landlady is not allowed to terminate the contract but is trying to anyway. It’s all rather stressful, and I’m having trouble finding the words to talk about it to the people who may help.

    Legal aid here said that since alternative housing is hard to find around here, it is best to stay put and let her make the next move. The worst that can happen is that I have to vacate but she has to find appropriate alternative housing. It gets quite complicated.

    I’m finding mindfulness of the breath to be a great help. The last few days I’ve suddenly started meditating more, it helps me return to a peaceful state, and also strangely it seems as if the stress is lending energy to my practice.

    No mud no lotus as thich nhat hanh is fond of saying, your landlady sounds like mud enough for anyone! Hang on in there.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    It's not complicated at all. Communicate by email or text message only (keep EVERYTHING!) and simply advise her that you have no intention of moving. Do not talk on discuss anything by 'phone, and if she wishes to speak to you personally, let her book a time and either have a good friend present as a witness, or advise her you will be recording the discussion, before you meet. Chances are once you tell her that, or she realises you have a witness, she won't want to talk to you in person at all.

    You hold the upper hand. You are after all, in possession of the apartment.

    Kerome
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran
    edited August 14

    Good advice but then say that you end up staying after things go legal. Then you have a very negative relationship with her, and you’re still in her house. That’s not a great end situation either. She offered termination in six months, and I’m seriously considering it just to be rid of her and the whole situation.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    If she is trying to evict you unlawfully, she won't get legal, because even if she does, there's a huge risk she will lose. Just keep a record of everything and see how things unfold.

  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran
    edited August 20

    It occurred to me while writing another post that I am only now beginning to really feel my relationship to ‘my things’ and the desire (greed?) that binds me to them.

    I have a lot of things, from chairs, a sofa, bed, clothes, to books and a dvd collection. And to store it all I need a house, which is what brought this to the fore.

    In a way I’d like to leave it all behind. In the past I was a bit of a collector of things, I loved sets of books or dvds. I used to derive a certain pleasure from acquiring a beautiful book.

    But now I’m feeling it more as a burden, it’s the things that place a responsibility on you to look after them. Similarly society places a burden on you to look after your paper life, your tax returns and so on.

    I’d like to live a simpler life.

  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    I’d like to live a simpler life.

    Living up to the ideal of the Sangha ...
    http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com

    I try my best.

  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited August 20

    I always found it exciting, and for most of my youth and my adult life there was much travel and relocating. Wherever we are, our true home is inside us, and new experiences bring out freshness in our observation and insight.

    But for the past 24 years, I have only lived in 3 places. And my NEXT move will be to a nursing home, a palliative-care hospital, or the morgue. Don't know which or when.
    Now is the time to "Practice like my hair is on fire".

    KeromeShoshinlobsterkando
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    Ay caramba, hair on fire ... [lobster faints]

    oh wait ... so far so ... HOT! [hair on fire ... remain calm ... iz plan]
    https://buddhismnow.com/2012/06/30/is-your-hair-on-fire/

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