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Withdrawing from society

edited March 2011 in Buddhism Basics
The more I learn about Buddhism the more I seem to want to just crawl into my shell and retreat from the world and everyone in it. Maybe I'm taking things too seriously but when people around me (e.g. at work) gossip, complain about the weather (I try to embrace whatever the weather provides because I try to be at one with nature), show jealously at another's good fortune etc., I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. I know I can't change the world or the people in it but I now find it hard to be around people who are not as spiritual or have the same/similar beliefs as me. I am by no means perfect but I do try really hard to follow Buddha's teachings but maybe I am missing something.

Does any of this make any sense?

Comments

  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    L&P,

    It does make sense. You sound like you're noticing the suffering of others, and interpreting it as though they are lost, deluded or petty. This sounds like you have some judgement for your fellow humans. Consider that their suffering is a teacher for them, and they will gossip and become jealous and complain... until they don't.

    Perhaps instead of your lips being a teacher that might advise them... maybe use your mind to simply notice their actions and look for ways to express your gratitude for how amazing and unique they are.

    We all suffer until we don't, and in different ways. Be glad you've cultivated a place that can observe their actions, rather than be absorbed in the culture/social environment. Your lessons there are right under your nose, however, so don't withdraw... it will only follow you around, as its your lesson!

    With warmth,

    Matt
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Hello again old friend, nice to see a post from you and I hope you are okay besides this particular problem you speak of.

    With regards to your journey, life, I would like to point out that you are still pretty young and you have a way to come along the path, so do I in fact. I am aware that you have a high intellectuality for your age, that has become obvious throughout the time I have spoken to you, but still I think your age has a role to play in all of this to a certain extent.

    An Ajahn said not long ago that to live in a country which has a very low population of buddhists or to be the only buddhist you know of is actually an amazing thing. The reason being is you have a great opportunity to cultivate the teachings of the buddha and it will push you further than say if you lived in a sangha.

    See these people who have started to cause you suffering as ignorant beings, because they are. It is not their fault, they are conditioned. t is similar to shouting in the face of a child who had failed an exam which had material he had never been taught. View these people as your Ajahans, your buddhist teachers. Use them to cultivate rich speech, right intention, right action, right mindfulness and right basically the whole damn 8 fold path in fact lol. Do not become recluse because that does not cultivate compassion which is so fundamental in buddhism and life, just let it go. Letting these trivial things go is rather easy when you think about it.

    All the best LnP, long time no speak eh eh image
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    Hi L&P -- Relax ... it's one of the normal bumps in the Buddhist road. There is no way to correct others' views -- only they can do that. The only useful part about noticing mistakes in others is that we can encourage ourselves: Don't YOU do that. Naturally, the goody-two-shoes that each of us possesses is positively itching to rain down righteousness on those around us. You can try it if you like, but there are plenty of people who can tell you: It simply doesn't work.

    What does work is to exercise your own patience and determination in your own practice. If you use the same energy to practice that you might have used in disgust or despair, you will make rapid progress. Running away into a clamp-jawed silence or a dank cave in the Himalayas is not what Buddhism is about. Buddhism is about being at peace and exercising your own true clarity. So ... practice works out better than virtue. Practice whatever practice you find attractive ... and then don't quit.

    Best wishes.
  • I am by no means perfect but I do try really hard to follow Buddha's teachings but maybe I am missing something. Does any of this make any sense?
    Yes. Don't take the Buddha's teaching too seriously. :buck:
  • edited March 2011
    Maybe I'm taking things too seriously but when people around me (e.g. at work) gossip, complain about the weather (I try to embrace whatever the weather provides because I try to be at one with nature),
    People like to talk about the weather because they can't change anything about it. :)
    show jealously at another's good fortune etc., I find it hard to keep my mouth shut.
    We too have lots of gossip and bad-mouthing at work. I usually shrug. If it continues, I suggest it's due to not having been out in the fresh air and sun that a certain person behaves a certain way (rather than being bad in itself). If it still continues, I point out the unsatisfactoriness of things. No big deal. :werr: :whatever:
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    Cultivating and embracing Metta and making it a part of your daily life moment to moment, makes encounters with such people quite easy. In fact, if you can fully embrace it right at that moment, it becomes effortless.
  • The more I learn about Buddhism the more I seem to want to just crawl into my shell and retreat from the world and everyone in it. Maybe I'm taking things too seriously but when people around me (e.g. at work) gossip, complain about the weather (I try to embrace whatever the weather provides because I try to be at one with nature), show jealously at another's good fortune etc., I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. I know I can't change the world or the people in it but I now find it hard to be around people who are not as spiritual or have the same/similar beliefs as me. I am by no means perfect but I do try really hard to follow Buddha's teachings but maybe I am missing something.

    Does any of this make any sense?
    Well when I first started practicing, I faced a similar distaste for the way things were as you do. But you know what they say, deny the way things are right now and you're denying reality. People will float around and suffer as they do from their choices and cause others to suffer as well. However, others suffer from their choices because they allow others' words to impact them negatively (IE care what people think of this self). But it just happens like that, you come into suffering, and you stop suffering eventually as you learn the trade. Not everyone understands the nature of suffering, not everyone understands the harm in gossiping, complaining etc. But it isn't up to you to save everyone, to explain to the people at work that they are creating their own suffering, they need to realize it for themselves.

    And as far as your relationship goes with said people... The buddha faced the same reality as you're facing now--a world of people who suffered and created harm and such--but he didn't hide away and keep his enlightenment to himself. By your actions others can learn. The other people who act this way are not wrong, their eyes are still just squeezed closed, maybe they'll stay closed, or maybe they will open, but that is all you can do, act positively and treat others with compassion and loving-kindness. Learn from others (that is take it as a reinforcement in your path if you will) and let others learn from you (maybe by treating them in a beneficial not judgmental way, they too will learn). Rather than viewing these people as a negative influence, view them merely as what they are, people wondering around samsara blindly.

    Be kind, be patient, and be true,
    Ash
  • I think I know what you mean. My problem isn't that they are doing something wrong....it's more that the more I walk down my spiritual path...the more it seems I have less and less people to really CONNECT with. I was already a bit left-field before I started...
  • edited March 2011
    I'm surprised at how many people encounter meanness and pettiness at work. I'd recommend as an antidote, in addition to what others have said here, cultivating a circle of friends who share your values. There are plenty of non-buddhists who are mature, thoughtful, nice people, you don't have to narrow your field to just Buddhists. If you have a fulfilling life outside of work, the atmosphere on the job will be less of an annoyance.
  • DaltheJigsawDaltheJigsaw Mountain View Veteran
    The more I learn about Buddhism the more I seem to want to just crawl into my shell and retreat from the world and everyone in it. Maybe I'm taking things too seriously but when people around me (e.g. at work) gossip, complain about the weather (I try to embrace whatever the weather provides because I try to be at one with nature), show jealously at another's good fortune etc., I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. I know I can't change the world or the people in it but I now find it hard to be around people who are not as spiritual or have the same/similar beliefs as me. I am by no means perfect but I do try really hard to follow Buddha's teachings but maybe I am missing something.

    Does any of this make any sense?
    Yea, it does.
    I feel the same way.
  • you can run away, but you cannot run away from the mind that wants you to run away and causes the situations that force you to run away.

    go to hawaii, still have mind. go to france, still have mind. go to monastery, still have mind.

    have fun running, there is no escape.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited March 2011
    As C_W said, you don't have to run away or hide from society. Be creative, and create your own society. Several of the suttras speak of cultivating the virtuous friend. Good advice. I'm sorry you're running into so much negativity at work. is this common in the workplace these days? Is civility old-fashioned? But maybe you've developed a little judgmentalism, too--take a look at that. Good luck :)
  • Hello again old friend, nice to see a post from you and I hope you are okay besides this particular problem you speak of.

    With regards to your journey, life, I would like to point out that you are still pretty young and you have a way to come along the path, so do I in fact. I am aware that you have a high intellectuality for your age, that has become obvious throughout the time I have spoken to you, but still I think your age has a role to play in all of this to a certain extent.

    An Ajahn said not long ago that to live in a country which has a very low population of buddhists or to be the only buddhist you know of is actually an amazing thing. The reason being is you have a great opportunity to cultivate the teachings of the buddha and it will push you further than say if you lived in a sangha.

    See these people who have started to cause you suffering as ignorant beings, because they are. It is not their fault, they are conditioned. t is similar to shouting in the face of a child who had failed an exam which had material he had never been taught. View these people as your Ajahans, your buddhist teachers. Use them to cultivate rich speech, right intention, right action, right mindfulness and right basically the whole damn 8 fold path in fact lol. Do not become recluse because that does not cultivate compassion which is so fundamental in buddhism and life, just let it go. Letting these trivial things go is rather easy when you think about it.

    All the best LnP, long time no speak eh eh image
    Great answer

    :clap:
  • Hi L&P -- Relax ... it's one of the normal bumps in the Buddhist road. There is no way to correct others' views -- only they can do that. The only useful part about noticing mistakes in others is that we can encourage ourselves: Don't YOU do that. Naturally, the goody-two-shoes that each of us possesses is positively itching to rain down righteousness on those around us. You can try it if you like, but there are plenty of people who can tell you: It simply doesn't work.

    What does work is to exercise your own patience and determination in your own practice. If you use the same energy to practice that you might have used in disgust or despair, you will make rapid progress. Running away into a clamp-jawed silence or a dank cave in the Himalayas is not what Buddhism is about. Buddhism is about being at peace and exercising your own true clarity. So ... practice works out better than virtue. Practice whatever practice you find attractive ... and then don't quit.

    Best wishes.
    and another

    :clap:
  • Reading this site puts me always in a good mood. :)

    It makes me realize that humanity is full of wise and great people.

    Observing environment around , made me doubt it.

    THANK YOU.

  • As C_W said, you don't have to run away or hide from society. Be creative, and create your own society. Several of the suttras speak of cultivating the virtuous friend. Good advice. I'm sorry you're running into so much negativity at work. is this common in the workplace these days? Is civility old-fashioned? But maybe you've developed a little judgmentalism, too--take a look at that. Good luck :)
    that's not judgementalism, the current world is very negative.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited March 2011
    that's not judgementalism, the current world is very negative.
    I agree. but getting bothered because people complain about the weather? that's insignificant. I assume they don't complain when it's a beautiful Spring day or Autumn day. So it's not all negative. Anyway, it was just an suggestion, for reflection, it wasn't an accusation. Sometimes when we're frustrated, we can fall into negative thought patterns ourselves, dwelling on the work situation. Some mindfulness to thought patterns and changing them could help, in addition to developing a positive and supportive social network.

  • shanyinshanyin Novice Yogin Sault Ontario Veteran
    North America is a society of phycological manipulation, indocrination and imperialism.

    Screw it.
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    North America is a society of phycological manipulation, indocrination and imperialism.

    Screw it.
    It makes me feel a lot better to think that North America is the only culprit.
  • Oh don’t start politic here. You know what the result will take us.

    Genkaku, may I send you a private message?
  • DhammaDhatuDhammaDhatu Veteran
    edited March 2011
    I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. I know I can't change the world or the people in it but I now find it hard to be around people who are not as spiritual or have the same/similar beliefs as me. I am by no means perfect but I do try really hard to follow Buddha's teachings but maybe I am missing something.
    Yes.

    Your mind has ill-will towards people.

    To follow the Buddha's teachings is to free your mind from ill-will.

    With metta

    :)
    197. Happy indeed we live, friendly amidst the hostile. Amidst hostile men we dwell free from hatred.

    198. Happy indeed we live, friendly amidst the afflicted. Amidst afflicted men we dwell free from affliction.

    199. Happy indeed we live, free from avarice amidst the avaricious. Amidst the avaricious men we dwell free from avarice.

    200. Happy indeed we live, we who possess nothing. Feeders on joy we shall be, like the Radiant Gods.

  • Thank you all so much for your replies. Its nice to know I am not alone in this and that I am not going mad (just yet anyway!).

    On the subject of the weather. I know it is insignificant (as Dakini mentioned) but as much as there is a part of me that is frustrated when people are so negative about it, so too do I find it frustrating when people allow a small thing like the rain to ruin their whole day. I want to tell people all about what I have found in Buddhism and how they too can find freedom from suffering etc.

    I just find it hard to not want to share what I have found but if I mentioned anything 'spiritual' I would get very strange looks!!

    Its not all doom and gloom though, there are a few very positive people at work too, I guess much the same as anywhere.

    As Compassionate Warrior says, I can ensure that in my spare time I socialise with the right people, which I do, but its the 7 hours every day at work that I need to see in a different light.

    Some great answers, thanks again.
  • DaltheJigsawDaltheJigsaw Mountain View Veteran
    Reading this site puts me always in a good mood. :)

    It makes me realize that humanity is full of wise and great people.

    Observing environment around , made me doubt it.

    THANK YOU.

    This site is wonderful!
    Great people here and all around!
    Even if there are a few bad seeds, there is still billions of good ones!:)
  • DaltheJigsawDaltheJigsaw Mountain View Veteran
    that's not judgementalism, the current world is very negative.
    I agree. but getting bothered because people complain about the weather? that's insignificant. I assume they don't complain when it's a beautiful Spring day or Autumn day. So it's not all negative. Anyway, it was just an suggestion, for reflection, it wasn't an accusation. Sometimes when we're frustrated, we can fall into negative thought patterns ourselves, dwelling on the work situation. Some mindfulness to thought patterns and changing them could help, in addition to developing a positive and supportive social network.

    Beautiful!
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