Synchronicity or how I started leaning towards the Dharma

Zenshin

I've had an interest in Buddhism for a long time I guess it started with the Japanese TV series Monkey which was shown in the UK when I was about 6 or 7 years old.

First I should point out that I have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and Adjustment Disorder (the adjustment disorder is a reaction to my Schizophrenia diagnosis) with severe symptoms of depression. I have been stable for a long time, with no hospital admissions for a about 8 years. Recently I have begun to experience serious symptoms again, hearing people talking about me when there not and I even saw a guy in a bus station who I'm sure was conjured up by my own mind. The other day I heard the automated voice on a bus say something about me which clearly brought home to me the fact I was definitely experiencing some symptoms. This all started about six weeks ago and I really felt my life was becoming a Philip K Dick novel.

Anyway about two weeks after this started occurring again I was browsing a forum and a guy had posted some links for a youtube video by Alan Watts which rekindled my interest in Buddhism and it brought home a discussion I had about science fiction I had with a guy who was a worker at the day center for people with mental health problems who mentioned that Philip K Dick had parallels with Buddhism in terms of a lot of the time reality is what you are aware of. This sent me of researching Buddhist teaching again and I came across some guided meditations on the FWBO site namely the mindfulness of breathing and the Metta Bhavana. Basically I feel as though the answers to my problems lay more in becoming more aware of my inherent nature. I've been practicing them on and off for a couple of weeks and they make me feel really good. Engaging in the practice tonight it really lifted any feelings of depression I had about what has been going and banished my fear of going out due to the worry of experiencing hallucinations/delusional thoughts.

I'm thinking back to something I read a long time ago about Mara having a go at people who are beginning to make a change in there lives and its really got me thinking that what I may be experiencing may be some sort of spiritual crisis rather than a psychiatric one.

I've been talking to my community mental health team about what I've been experiencing and there answer as usual is an increase in medication. I feel that if I talk to my shrink about what I really feel is going on he's going to at me like I've cracked and I'm unsure of what to do.

Anyway I've rambled on enough I feel better for getting it off my chest, thoughts/comments/suggestions would be welcome.

person

Lonely, I've been an off and on buddhist for about 15 yrs, during one of my off times I had a very stressful set of circumstances and suffered a psychotic break where I was hearing voices, which led to a hospitalization. I don't have any diagnosed on-going disorder but where I used to blindly trust whatever came into my head, now I have to do a double check on anything new or unusual. For me at least, these experiences were a of a psychiatric one and not something spiritual, in fact the delusions took the guise of spiritual realization and magical beings. So I think keeping up your practice will help you to get to know your mind better so you can keep a better watch on whats really going on so you don't immediately buy into what its trying to sell you. This is just a personal opinion, I don't have any kind of psychiatry degree or anything so take it for what its worth.

Zenshin

Thanks, my personal circumstances about my break were of a similar nature in terms of mystical beings and the like, though I'd been suffering problems for years beforehand and had been using a lot of street drugs for a long time before that.

One thing I have noticed which I've never been aware of before is that when these experiences occur I lose concentration and get a very spaced out feeling. I've never noticed it before.

aMatt

Lonely_TRaveller,

Your descriptions are not common, but also not that unknown. Some who work to cultivate a spiritual life (especially those who feel unsupported by peers and family) experience things like you're noticing. I wonder a few things, if you don't mind elaborating.

When you say you feel like you're in a "Philip K Dick" novel, could you elaborate a little more on what you mean by that? I am not that familiar with his body of work.

Have you tried any sitting meditation? Such as breath meditation? You mention guided meditation, and I simply wonder what your practice looks like.

With warmth,

Matt

Jeffrey

Hi, I am schizoaffective disorder. Buddhism has helped me a great deal to have less fear of the mental arisings. When you are angry about them to go away it can be stressful. But usually more calm and sleep helps the symptoms to get better. I usually conceptualize the reason for my symptoms. I read messages due to shapes of letter and other things that just occur to me and I believe. It makes me think I can read minds and also others. Because there are a lot of convergences of information that it doesn't seem to be a coincidence. Every time it is differnt, but its very based in delusion and loose associations for me.

Any time you want to talk more about this or about buddhism in relation PM me. We could exchange emails.

Zenshin

@aMatt

Here's the wikipedia link about Philip K Dick and the nature of his writing, I hope its of some help in understanding what I was trying to describe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_K._Dick

Sorry about the description, the Mindfulness of Breathing is a sitting meditation audio recording with some gentle guidance to lead you through the practice.

@Jeffrey I'll be in touch after I've woken up a little need to drink my tea