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what not to wear?
Hey all
This may sound rather Ugly Betty or Gok Wan and totally not Buddhist. Indeed, it demonstrates how far I have to go, but your thoughts would be great.
I have an important day on Friday and it involves getting dressed up smart. My girlfriend will meet some of my friends that she's not met before. Now, my gf is not known for her fashion sense, but the outfit she has chosen would put a frumpy Sunday school teacher to shame. It makes her look 20 years older and would even force the Dalai Lama to suggest an alternative.
Now from a Buddhist perspective, my emotions relate to ego, clinging, vanity etc and are obviously negative... but I can't sleep because it's worrying me so much. My question is:
What would you say in my situation?
Much as I know it's a silly question, unless I deal with the matter in a skillful way, it will ruin an important day as i'll not be in a positive frame of mind.
This may sound rather Ugly Betty or Gok Wan and totally not Buddhist. Indeed, it demonstrates how far I have to go, but your thoughts would be great.
I have an important day on Friday and it involves getting dressed up smart. My girlfriend will meet some of my friends that she's not met before. Now, my gf is not known for her fashion sense, but the outfit she has chosen would put a frumpy Sunday school teacher to shame. It makes her look 20 years older and would even force the Dalai Lama to suggest an alternative.
Now from a Buddhist perspective, my emotions relate to ego, clinging, vanity etc and are obviously negative... but I can't sleep because it's worrying me so much. My question is:
What would you say in my situation?
Much as I know it's a silly question, unless I deal with the matter in a skillful way, it will ruin an important day as i'll not be in a positive frame of mind.
0
Comments
Perhaps your friends might be more impressed when they see how much you adore your girlfriend just as she is, and how you see past superficial stuff like clothing.
Speaking as someone who also hasn't quite gotten past the desire to make a good impression, perhaps you could try this - I don't know many girls who wouldn't love it if their partner treated them to getting their hair done for a special event. It's a bit of pampering that most girls enjoy and might make her feel more feminine and confident. She's probably nervous about it too so be gentle
If it were a one-time issue I might be tempted to say to just let it pass. But, your post makes me think that the dress issue may be the norm. I, too, would recommend a nice gentle conversation. The problem will be, what if she is negative toward the conversation?
It initially resulted in tears..... sobbing, "don't you love me" etc!
I did suggest a shopping trip but was politely rebutted!
In the end, I just had to put up with the bad outfit!
Try this line next time: you love her, that's why you want her to look sensational, you want her to look her best. ...oh well, maybe there's no way to win in these situations.
Write to Oprah and tell her your girl desperately needs a make-over, but she thinks her old fuddy-duddy clothes are fine. Oprah knows how to handle such women. (She has a website with a space for you to write her.)
may I ask, what exactly attracts you to this girl? Her mind? Her heart? Her...um...bod? These are the questions that come up upon close examination of the issue and some of the points that have been raised. I gave you the benefit of the doubt in my first responsens (besides, who wouldn't LOVE a shopping trip on someone else's dime?), but now I'm beginning to wonder. TiaP made a good point.
@ TiaP,,,, yeah you are right, no matter how you dress my comments up, they can only end one way and it aint gonna be positive. I am old enough to know better,
@ Dakini, the attraction to my gf is definitely her mind and her values, plus we've got loads in common. Her lack of dress sense is cool most of the time....I like her style or lack of it.
After reading both your comments, I accept that part of my problem is my own ego and that I shouldn't be embarrassed by how my g/f looks in certain social situations. Of course, this is only one aspect to the problem, and for the most part my intentions were altruistic.
I think that in certain situations, how we look impacts on our own self confidence and how others perceive us. I would love to see my gf dressed just a bit more stylishly in certain situations as I think it would make her feel better about herself. She has a tendency to wear a size too big in colours that just don't suit her or a style that makes her look 15 years older
Ps:
I am off to work on my ego!
If it helps my other half would quite easily let me know when something I'm wearing looks a bit odd to him, but I've noticed he never makes it about me. He says things like 'that's a funny colour' or 'that's a bit too big for you isn't it?'. And it's never a big deal. Sometimes I take his advice, sometimes I don't, and either way he doesn't truly care, just as long as I'm ready on time with a smile on my face
All the best
Tia