Respect your parents!

NOTaGangsta

To anyone who is interested in Buddhism, this is same as Christianity and Islam! Respect your parents! If you believe the whole concept of Karma, the worst sort of Karma comes from disrespecting your parents.

Floating_Abu

Even if one should carry about one's mother on one shoulder and one's father on the other, and so doing should live a hundred years.... Moreover, if one should set them up as supreme rulers, having absolute rule over the wide earth abounding in the seven treasures - not even by this could one repay one's parents. And why! Bhikkhus, parents do a lot for their children: they bring them up, provide them with food, introduce them to the world.

Anguttara Nikaya: Twos, 32

Gratitude to Parents

nanimo

While I agree in principle with what the above have said, I would like to add. Buddhism is neither christianity nor Islam. In christianity at least, parents are deemed to be respected UNCONDITIONALLY. This is inconsistent with buddhist ideology. As buddhists, it is our purpose to cast off attachments and free the mind. This means familial attachments as well.

:wow: Now, while some here will likely give off knee-jerk responses to my words let me ask you all. Would we have buddhism as it exists today were it not for the buddha's ultimate choice to reject the conquering prince life he was foretold to have by his father so that he could become a holy man? Maybe or maybe not. That is the path not taken. While it is possible he could have chosen a "buddhist" life after ascending to rulership as King Ashoka would do later on, he did not.

At any rate, Should we respect our parents? Yes! Theirs was the first wisdom we were all likely exposed to that enabled us to reach this point. That's not to say however that we should become slaves to their whims as christianity would have us dogmatically do. That is not equanimity --which is a hallmark of buddhist thinking -- but ignorance.

Nanimo :om:

genkaku

In a Buddhist practice, parents fall into the same category as any other aspect of our lives: Unexamined praise and unexamined blame are bound to lead to confusion and sorrow.

It is only through intimate examination that anyone can learn to say, "thank you" and know what they're talking about.

IronRabbit

Biological parents can be childhood's heaven or hell realms. Abusive parents' harsh lessons may be respected as valid teachings - but only in the adult realm through reflection and retrospect - the child must learn to survive physically and psychologically - or perish under such a burden. Perishing may be dying physically or spiritually. It is common knowledge that sociopaths guilty of heinous crimes are typically profiled to have been abused in childhood - usually by parents or relatives. Hence, respect for parents depends upon the intimate examination, as genkaku cites, of a complex relationship and a careful determination whether respect is due for lessons in survival or loving respect for compassionate human enfoldment in a family.

santhisouk

As my teacher once said..."Before you decide to go pray at the temple, make sure you pray to the two arahants at home first".

with metta

vinlyn

Biological parents can be childhood's heaven or hell realms. Abusive parents' harsh lessons may be respected as valid teachings - but only in the adult realm through reflection and retrospect - the child must learn to survive physically and psychologically - or perish under such a burden. Perishing may be dying physically or spiritually. It is common knowledge that sociopaths guilty of heinous crimes are typically profiled to have been abused in childhood - usually by parents or relatives. Hence, respect for parents depends upon the intimate examination, as genkaku cites, of a complex relationship and a careful determination whether respect is due for lessons in survival or loving respect for compassionate human enfoldment in a family.

Iron Rabbit, I agree with what I think you're saying.

My parents divorced when I was 2 and I went to live with my grandparents. My father was an alcoholic, and while not abusive, he ruined family life. After the divorce my mother went off to Florida with the real love of her life and started her own life. As a child, when I saw my parents (my dad went back in the military), there was nothing unpleasant, and as an adult we had a satisfactory, though distant, relationship. But, from my perspective, they didn't EARN any deep respect.

It's sort of like saying that just because someone has a certain position, they automatically deserve respect. Respect must be deserved and earned.

NOTaGangsta

For people with parents that have provided them with a safe home, food, clothing, education, values. You have no excuse at all.

People with unresponsible parents have my sympathies and I will not judge you at all, because I've never been under that situation, I just pray that you will learn to forgive them soon.

Why respect your parents? Because they are the CAUSE of your existance here in the human realm with all your sensory organs intact and ABLE TO ENCOUNTER BUDDHA'S TEACHINGS.

Again, this is to all the new and old practitioners with reasonable families, filail piety is the least you must do!

NOTaGangsta

But, from my perspective, they didn't EARN any deep respect.

It's sort of like saying that just because someone has a certain position, they automatically deserve respect. Respect must be deserved and earned.

Buddha's teachings are medicines that only works if it's taken.

mugzy

@NOTaGangsta Have you read the Filial Piety Sutra?

NOTaGangsta

Yep, that's some serious stuff on there. Makes really ashamed of my ungrateful days. Most of the time, the only reason we are disrespectful is because we can't get our ways

vinlyn

For people with parents that have provided them with a safe home, food, clothing, education, values. You have no excuse at all.

People with unresponsible parents have my sympathies and I will not judge you at all, because I've never been under that situation, I just pray that you will learn to forgive them soon.

Why respect your parents? Because they are the CAUSE of your existance here in the human realm with all your sensory organs intact and ABLE TO ENCOUNTER BUDDHA'S TEACHINGS.

Again, this is to all the new and old practitioners with reasonable families, filail piety is the least you must do!

First, you make the assumption that those of us who had less than responsible parents have resentments toward them and that we have not forgiven them. Not necessarily true at all.

Second, why does a "roll in the hay" deserve so much respect?

Malachy12

Hmm. I have learned to respect my father, someone who might not have garnered my respect if I didn't start seeing him as a human, and not just my dad. Even bad parents can be respected, when you give it enough thought. Sure he did wrong by his family, but I have forgiven him because I truly realized that he was ignorant of the extent of harm he caused. He was comparing himself to his own father who was eh.. not a very kind man. He tried very hard to raise us in a good way, but was very ignorant of how much his own issues and dysfunctional childhood was coloring his parenting and worldview.

Because I was always asking why he became the person he is today, I learned many life lessons vicariously. I didn't have to experience his worldview, I just had to learn how it came to be, and through that process I learned more about human nature and experience. I also have great respect for how much he has changed, and how much he regrets. If I had written him off, I never would have learned just how vulnerable and human my father really is.

I have learned to see the value in my crazy upbringing. If I had an easy go, would I have ever learned the complexities of life? Suffering gives rise to understanding, then I just had to go a bit further to find out why my father suffered as well. Just the other day he had a major breakthrough, lol. He left a phone message with a long pause then a quick mumbly "Iloveyoukid... miss you".

One of my father's greatest regrets was writing off his own dad. He only began to communicate with him just before his death. He always says he wishes he would have forgiven him sooner so that he could have really learned who his father was.

Still_Waters

Now, while some here will likely give off knee-jerk responses to my words let me ask you all. Would we have buddhism as it exists today were it not for the buddha's ultimate choice to reject the conquering prince life he was foretold to have by his father so that he could become a holy man? Maybe or maybe not. That is the path not taken. While it is possible he could have chosen a "buddhist" life after ascending to rulership as King Ashoka would do later on, he did not.

While some may disagree, I don't necessarily equate respect with obedience, at least not when we are grown adults and ready to assume responsibility for making our own life choices, as the Buddha did. As I see it, we respect our parents by loving them unconditionally, being there for them when they need us (To support mother and father, to cherish wife and children, and to be engaged in peaceful occupation — this is the greatest blessing. - Mangala Sutta), and by listening to them respectfully even when we disagree with them. None of that means that we shouldn't live our own life by making our own choices, even when those choices run contrary to our parents' wishes.

It's sort of like saying that just because someone has a certain position, they automatically deserve respect. Respect must be deserved and earned.

I used to think the same thing, but I eventually changed when I realized that I didn't like where that led me. If respect must be "deserved and earned," does that mean we should feel free to treat anyone disrespectfully who hasn't "earned" it? Is it really a good thing to treat those we have difficulties with disrespectfully? This seems contrary to the spirit of the Buddha's injunction, given in the Dhammapada, to return hate with kindness. (Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.) I would extend that to being respectful. As I see it, we behave respectfully to others not based on whether they deserve to be treated respectfully, but because it is better, less conducive to dukkha, to be a respectful person than it is a disrespectful person.

Another way to look at it is that we should be respectful to our teachers in life, and everyone is our teacher, even the foolish or those who "teach" by negative example. Somewhere in the Dhammapada I believe it says that the wise learn more from fools than fools will ever learn from the wise.

ThailandTom

Didn't the buddha say you should treat or respect every being the same as you would your own mother

AbbeyRoad

I am so lucky to have nice parents who do a lot of things for me, but some don't. My friends father ran away on her and her mom when she was three and never returned or contacted her or her family. And although he was the one to bring her into this world, for him, all he had to was, well, sleep with my friend's mom. Does he deserve my friends respect? no. One must earn respect from you. If my parents didn't respect me or my decisions, then why should I respect them? Respect should be both ways. If I treat my parents with respect like they deserve, then in return they should respect me too.

aMatt

We cultivate respect for others because it provides us inner tranquility. It allows us to easily remain humble no matter what choices we make. Respecting others is not a gift to them, its a gift to us.

It is not helpful to be judges waving law ("respect your parents, you jerks"). Rather, we can approach these types of notions as helping ourselves and our neighbors with their gardens.

Still_Waters

If my parents didn't respect me or my decisions, then why should I respect them? Respect should be both ways. If I treat my parents with respect like they deserve, then in return they should respect me too.

There was an episode of the old Kung Fu TV series that had a parable in it that has stuck with me over the years. In this episode, a notorious outlaw was treated with kindness, generosity and respect by one of the Shaolin priests. When the priest was questioned about this, he pointed to the sun and observed that the sun shares its warmth and light with everyone, deserving or not. Ideally, we want to be like the sun, radiating kindness and generosity, unconcerned with who does or doesn't deserve it.

We cannot control how others behave or how they regard us. All we can do is watch over our own thoughts and behavior and do our best to ensure that they measure up to our highest ideals.

We cultivate respect for others because it provides us inner tranquility. It allows us to easily remain humble no matter what choices we make. Respecting others is not a gift to them, its a gift to us.

I love this! Let's not let others hold our inner tranquility hostage, replacing it with resentment and other unwholesome states of mind.

Alan