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One of buddhisms biggest sufferings is craving/desire. I suffer from it a lot when meeting people.

buddhacoebuddhacoe
edited June 2011 in Buddhism Basics
Heres the thing:
Im a nice normal down to earth lad. When I meet people (especially girls) and we click and get on great, I always miss them. (although i dont really know them)

Me and few mates went away for the weekend and we met some girls there and had a great time.
Thing is after its all over, I wanna be back there and it feels like im missing them. (but i have a great gf)
so i dont want a relationship with them. we just on so well.
But its not the first time this has happened, its whenever i go out and meet a nice girl...
Its not like i want relationships with them i dont really know what i want.
I was in a long term relationship once and was happy but i still 'desire something else'

I think the problem is 'i cant seem to get people out of my head' and seem to miss them as if ive known them forever.

Any thoughts here??

Comments

  • YishaiYishai Veteran
    edited June 2011
    If you've only been in a long term relationship once, then you will understand so much more when you are in a second one.

    If you're young(concluding from "girls", "lad", "mates", "gf") then you are just a typical young guy. We often get complacent with where we are, especially in relationships. So, we seek out something new. Do you miss those girls or do you miss the attention you were getting? Sounds like you're bored, despite this great girlfriend. What I'd suggest is try to do something fun with your girlfriend. It doesn't have to be romantic, just fun.

    These are sweeping generalizations, and I may need to bite my tongue a little.

    I'm only 21, and I'm in my second long-term relationship. The thing is, I appreciate this one so much more than the last. Meeting new girls is nice and all, but it doesn't give me that rush like it did before in my first relationship. I am quite happy with knowing that there is somebody at home who knows me and understands me. I can talk and share with them. I just find some deep calm and comfort knowing somebody and them knowing me. Completely accepting them for who they are, and getting the same in return. My lover is also my best friend.

    I don't know if it helps you to know where I'm coming from, but now you know.

    And just by the by, I felt the same thing as you in my first relationship. And that's how it fell apart. I met somebody else, took a leap of faith. I'm not promoting the idea of you leaving your girlfriend though. I guess a good question is: how committed are you? Is this missing those girls a result of feeling like an opportunity lost?
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    Man, I fall in love with every pretty girl I see in the street and miss all of them. Just as I was reading your post a girl here walked past and I sighed. Im guessing the thing to do would be to see the empty nature in all girls :D
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    If you've only been in a long term relationship once, then you will understand so much more when you are in a second one.
    It sounds like a trap
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    i've been in your situation a million times. to be honest with you, you won't find contentment until you find yourself.
    all the craving and desire is coming from your end. what you truly desire is what you truly are.

    until you realize that you'll be endlessly chasing girls. looking for that something in others. whether a moment of bliss or just comfort in another. there is really nothing wrong with it, but you have to understand that nothing conditional can truly satisfy you.

    explore the external, until you're fed up and totally disillusioned. then you might have a chance to go inward and really see things as they are.
  • YishaiYishai Veteran
    If you've only been in a long term relationship once, then you will understand so much more when you are in a second one.
    It sounds like a trap
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    @yishai lol, :P hhaahah
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    Man, I fall in love with every pretty girl I see in the street and miss all of them. Just as I was reading your post a girl here walked past and I sighed. Im guessing the thing to do would be to see the empty nature in all girls :D
    that sounds pretty sexist or mean, but I didnt mean it that way :o
  • zombiegirlzombiegirl beating the drum of the lifeless in a dry wasteland Veteran
    does this only happen to you with casual encounters or with long lasting relationships/friendships as well? if it's only the people that you meet in fleeting encounters, then it might be more wishful thinking. people generally put their best foot forward for first impressions and it's not hard to get an unrealistic perspective of people when we first meet them. it takes a while to get to know someone and begin to see them as a whole person, faults and all. what you miss about them might just be an ideal. they seem so great and perfect because that is the only facet of them you have seen. be careful that you don't compare your real relationships to what could be an unrealistic ideal.

    but having said that, i do think i know what you mean. i've moved quite a bit in my life and left a lot of people behind. i'm talking about friendships here, but when i think about them, it does sometimes make my heart ache a little. i don't like missing people, but it is a fact of life.
  • YishaiYishai Veteran
    @zombiegirl

    Good words about setting an unrealistic ideal for people to meet up to. Not only do we make an ideal for ourselves, we do it to others. When we (or they) fail to meet that ideal, this creates dukkha.
  • buddhacoebuddhacoe
    Thanks zombiegirl:
    Good words i agree. completely makes sense about we only see the 'best of people we meet and we dont really see the faults'

    i suppose what im feeling is lust isnt it? and i shouldnt dwell on lust.
  • YishaiYishai Veteran
    I think what you're feeling is "The grass is greener on the other side" :p
  • buddhacoebuddhacoe
    I think what you're feeling is "The grass is greener on the other side" :p
    hehe...perhaps
  • santhisouksanthisouk Veteran
    I think you just have to accept that if you settle for one then that's it. You can't hold one fish in each hand as they say. Just accept that we can't have it our way. When we get it our way it usually doesn't last. Keep that in mind. Also you might just have an attachment to the feelings that others make you feel, and you shouldn't have to feel bad. Just learn to not attach to these feelings. Acceptance and detachment is the key.

    may peace and metta be with you
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